Our first Appaloosa show!

Finally the update that no one has been waiting for.  We just got internet again so the 6 other blogs in my queue might actually get finished and shared with you all too.  I bet you're sitting on pins and needles just waiting to hear the latest and greatest from my wealth of great thoughts.  *insert crazy laughing emoji here*  Well, anyway!  I have to share how our very first Appaloosa show went before I forget how it went!  (Yes - my great thoughts are sprinkled with a heavy dose of CRS disease.)

I've literally been planning this show experience for a year.  Last year I chickened out and instead we went to watch to see what the show was like, what level of competition we had to be prepared for, etc...  And I went home with a plan and what I needed to work towards.  This year it was our "big show" that I was so excited for and I wasn't disappointed.  Even though China has zero spots and even fewer characteristics, it was so great to be among people who have the same love for the Appaloosa that we have.  It was amazing to ride around in the warm up arena and see others on all our favorite coat patterns and colors and pick out our favorites before the show started.  There were a few solids like China (and we joked that solid apps must only come in bay) but there were plenty of loud colored horses too.  And plenty of people, including our neighbors, who understand some of the same struggles that we App/POA people have, like keeping or growing their darn manes and tails!  

The show was very well run and they had a great silent auction with lots of sponsorships.  I bought every jug of Healthy Coat on the auction because I love that stuff and hey - it was for a good cause. I also got a 90 day supply of Biomane plus their tail bag and brush (normally priced at $112) for only $55!  Yay me.  (I'm not sure Tim was quite as excited as I was about my silent auction "wins".)  They also gave away great prizes.  Libby and Sophie both came away with horse statues.  Libby won hers for first time youth competitor.  Sophie won hers for high point youth game horse.  Yes, Sophie "ran" China in games.  And by ran I mean, I allowed her to long trot in a western saddle the pattern.  Not a lot of youth competitors so she won the high point on my pleasure horse.  Hey - that makes China an all arounder, right?  

There was a WSCA open show to start the weekend on Saturday morning.  China and I did our second show loping and I was so proud of her.  We placed in a few classes and my highlight was a second in English pleasure.  I can't say enough good things about her and how hard she tries to please.  Really looking forward to continuing to work with her.  I've got some friends that are giving me some good tips to try with her and hopefully we will be able to take her to the next level by next year.  

That open show was also Sophie's debut back into the show ring after a few years off.  A week before the show she decided she wanted to come along and who else could we put her on, but good old Peach.  Even though they literally had 3 rides together before the show, Sophie was determined to do all the classes.  They did a fantastic job considering how little they knew each other and how little time they had to prepare.  I'm sure Sophie felt it in all those muscles that people who don't ride regularly figure out they have after a few hours in the saddle.  The best part is that it seems to have lit the hunger in Sophie again and she hasn't stopped riding since we got home from the show.  

Then the Appaloosa show started with games classes, then reining and western riding and ranch classes.  Even though we didn't compete in most of those classes, it was super interesting to watch and see what each different class entailed.  Some were similar to the way those same classes are run at POA shows (which we are more familiar) and others had their differences.  We kept hanging around, waiting for trail. It would be only our second trail class and our first since this time last year.  That class was a bit of a fail as China decided she was terrified of the rope gate (even though we practice with one at home).  Well, it's a good thing they let us in the arena to walk around the obstacles before the class because she was not having that rope gate again this year.  A little time walking around and by it though and she settled back in.  I was so proud of her pattern.  She did everything with a great and willing attitude, very relaxed until she saw those last poles and the bridge.  She did it, but with the highest steps, completely even missing one pole.  Watching the video does make me laugh.  Way to be dramatic China!  We still managed two seconds though. (Double judged) 

The next morning Libby had talked me into going into Hunter in Hand.  Umm.. I had to watch youtube videos the night before as I could not remember what the class even was.  Libby told me I could wear my English clothes, but as I was getting ready it became apparent that no one else in the class was.  I almost scratched the class but quickly threw my black jeans and a button up western shirt on, along with her tennis shoes.  Apparently Appaloosa is different in POA in one big way - attire for Hunter in Hand.  Then there was the great belt debate.  First I didn't have a belt.  Then a friend told me I needed one and gave me her belt.  Then the next person told me I couldn't have bling on my belt and was better off without a belt. Finally another friend came with a plain black belt and it was time to go in the class.  Her first every Hunter in Hand class and China could not figure out why in the heck we were trotting with me on the ground in an English bridle.  But apparently the judges liked something because we got second under both.  So I guess it wasn't a fail. 

I walked out of showmanship next, very proud of our pattern.  We got two fifths and have a LOT to continue to work on (I know we need to practice, Gabby), but I was very proud of her at the same time.  

Next we had our first riding class.  We were just doing walk/trot at this show so our class was walk/trot hunter under saddle.  We were having a GREAT ride.  I was super excited and then right in front of one of the judges China took one lope stride.  I shut her down immediately but it was enough to bump us to the back under that judge and we got second under the other.   The next class was a pattern.  I had a personal goal of getting both diagonals without looking and I did!  I really struggle with the dang left diagonal but I had a little trick I tried and for whatever reason, this time it worked.  However the one judge decided that the gal who did the pattern wrong and was on the wrong side of the cone deserved first.  Hmmm.. not bitter about that.  But we did get a second and a fourth.   

We were all getting a lot tired and a little short by the time western pleasure rolled around.  China and I braved the bosal which we had kind of gotten out of practice with.  But I wanted to give it a go and I'm so proud of her. They even called for an extended jog and she moved right out and then came back to her normal western jog with just my seat and my legs.  I was so proud of her I didn't care what the judges said.  However I was overjoyed to hear they agreed with me and we placed first under both judges.  Our last class of the day was horsemanship and China was a rockstar again. The one judge agreed with me and placed us first, the other judge seemed to have a bit of a love/hate relationship with us and placed us third.  

All in all I was thrilled with our weekend and waited and hoped for the overall walk/trot champion to be announced.  I was positive I was out of the running for Grand, but hoped to win the duffle and reserve.  By the end of the week I was shocked to get the news that we had actually won the Grand and a buckle.  China's second buckle for the year.  I'm beyond thrilled with her and all of the dreams she keeps making come true for me.  

We were also very happy with Kenya.  It was her first show and only her second time off the farm since we brought her home from the auction.  She has always been the one on the back burner.  Any time we are too tired to ride or run short of time, Kenya gets skipped.  I joked that the little bit of time she was ridden in the warm up pen and at the classes easily DOUBLED the amount of riding time she has had so far.  However, it wasn't much of a joke.  For the little bit of time she has under her belt she was amazing.  She didn't spook or jump at anything (and even China jumped when someone on the rail SNEEZED).  She did her best with everything we threw at her, even an English pattern when it was her first time ever wearing an English saddle.  And her first time wearing a fake tail.  And her first time....  yeah, we threw a lot of firsts at her and she handled them all.  

Overall, it was a great weekend.  Met a couple of really nice new people at the Appaloosa show, shared laughs with old friends, had great rides and got to show with Sophie again.  An experience for the memory books for sure.  

Divorce doesn’t hurt kids...parents do.

I know that all parents screw up.  But it seems like no parent screws up more than a divorced one, especially a newly divorced one.  If you didn’t or haven’t, kudos/high fives and count me jealous.  Because I know I screwed up and I screwed up a bunch.  It took putting my child into counseling and having her therapist flat out tell me what she needed and what I was doing wrong for me to change my behavior.  And I was a parent that thought they had it together prior to divorce.  That all went out the window when I went from the good guy mom who was home all the time and took them to things and was there for them, to the divorced parent that was thrown into a competition for parent of the year.  Since I see it happening with students, family members and pretty much everywhere I turn, let me share what I did and maybe some of you can take a cold hard look at your own behavior.  It’s time we put our future kids first.   I’m not talking about kids we may give birth to in the future.  I’m talking about the kids our little lovelies will grow into as adults.  And some of us are raising entitled, holy terrors that will be unemployable and live in our homes forever.  #getoutLibby #Imjustkiddingdonteverleaveme

The biggest and worst mistake I made was being afraid to have rules, chores, or limits for my kids because I was afraid they wouldn’t like me as much or would choose their dad over me.  Dad didn’t have rules.  Dad was not making them do homework.  Dad was being the fun parent and every time they were at my house I felt like I was harping on them.  I let all the rules I had prior to the divorce go out the window and started doing all the chores I would have normally had them do. This ended up being a huge mistake with the little one.  At the same time as I was trying to be Ms Nice Guy and throwing her whole understanding of mom off, her dad was telling her I had done horrible things, the divorce was all my fault, and more.  Needless to say it was scary and confusing for her and she rebelled. When it got to the point that she was spitting on me, trying to bite me and screaming at me, I got her help.  It was the best thing I ever did and to this day she thanks me and tells me that she still uses and remembers what Dr Weber taught her.  Here is what Dr Weber taught me.

#1. Kids in divorce still need consistency and rules, moreso even than kids in a nuclear family situation.  While you’re trying to "win" the parent competition, your kids are the big losers.  They need rules, expectations and consequences just like before.  They need to know you’re a big person who has the role of mommy or daddy in hand and you are in control so they don’t have to be.  

#2.  It may seem like Disney Dad who takes them fun places and buys them expensive things is winning the battle, but the parent who expects them to behave like real people and has real expectations for them is what is needed to win the war.  It isn’t about being the favorite parent, it is about raising kids to be strong, independent, KIND adults.  That means shutting the phone off, bedtimes, eat your vegetables and fold your clothes are perfectly acceptable expectations.  

#3.  If you treat your kid like a victim, she will grow up acting like one.  We all make mistakes and sometimes we get called out on them; by a parent, teacher, coach, boss, etc... If you’re afraid to tell your child when they are wrong, what happens when their teacher or coach or boss does?  All of a sudden they are being "picked on" or "abused".  Nope.  You’re not abused, you’re just wrong and someone who knows better told you that.  It’s allowed and you’re not a victim.  You’re a kid and you’re LEARNING how to be better.  Tell your kid when they are wrong and watch them grow into trainable, coachable, employable adults.  

#4.  You can’t "love them through it".  Some behavior requires what people used to call "tough love".  You have to love your kid enough to say "you’re wrong", "you can’t have that", "you’re grounded", "you’re not being picked on", etc...  Sometimes, heck maybe all the time, it hurts us more to say it than it does our kids.  But it’s our job as parents.  

#5.  You can’t "love them through it" but you need to let them know they are loved. A lot.  All the time.  Make sure when you are adding consequences or discussing their behavior you tell them that you love THEM, but don’t love their behavior at the moment.  Offer options, choices, possible solutions or alternative behaviors.  And then tell them again that you love them and can’t wait for three to rejoin the family with a better attitude.  Tell them you love them before bed.  Call or text them goodnight and love when they aren’t with you.  Hide a note that says "I love you" in their backpack.  Always let them know they are loved. 

#6.  Never give up.  Parents don’t give up on their kids.  Don’t give in when they whine.  Don’t change your mind when they say "Dad would let me." Be resolute, be consistent, be the structure they don’t know they need in their lives.  You’re in this thing for the long haul and it may take years for your kids to appreciate you.  Don’t give up.  You’ve got this.  No one ever said parenting was for the weak.  

Like I said, I don’t have this parenting thing down and I very definitely messed up a lot and will still mess up.  It’s all about learning what’s best for our kids, even when it doesn’t feel like the best for us.  Love them enough they be a parent.  They will love you all the more even if it takes them a while to see it and believe it.  

Badmouth my horse...

...I dare ya.

Seriously.

The other day I got into an argument with someone close to me.  This someone felt the need to tell me what was wrong with my horse.  Yes, they were probably right.  Yes, I'm well aware of the things that China and I need to work on.  But sometimes, sometimes when you share pictures of your horse, you just want to be told she looks pretty and that's really all that needs to be said at that point in time.  And sometimes the last thing you want to hear is what is wrong with your horse.

It's the weirdest thing about being a horse owner/lover.  I may complain about my girls from time to time.  I've even called China a cow at least once a ride the last couple of times I've ridden her.  But that doesn't mean you're allowed to call her that.  That doesn't mean when I show you pictures of us at a show you're allowed to say that she's doing this wrong or you just don't think she's the quality that I think she is.  You can say what you want about me as a rider, but you start bashing my horse and the hair on the back of my neck stands up and the mother hen in me comes out.

Let's do a quick reality check here.  I know that China isn't going to go to Appaloosa World and win the big time classes.  It's fun to do our local buckle series.  It was a blast to go to the App show that was in our back yard and run with some of the big names in Wissota.  But I have no illusions that we will be seeing ourselves on the cover of any top magazines any time soon.  I have simpler goals for China and I.

Goals:
This year we qualified in 3 classes for Champ Show (not that we are going - but we were qualified).  Next year I want to make it 4 and I want to go to Champ Show.

This year we mostly walk/trotted at competitive shows.
Next year I want to lope the entire season.

This year I loped on her bareback at home, one time.
Next year I want to do the bareback equitation class.

This year I failed miserably at showmanship.  A lot.
Next year I want to place top 5 (when there are more than 5 in the class).

Word to the wise if you just don't get it -   no matter how much someone talks smack about their own horse, 99% of the time it's a better idea if you only say positive things about someone else's horse.  Keep your Negative Nancy opinions to yourself and remember that your own horse might not be all that and a bag of chips.  And if you're not a horse person and someone shares pictures of their horse with you, to be safe, just exclaim, "Oh so pretty!" (or talented, stunning, athletic, there really are a lot of good options...)