One year anniversary

One year.  It’s been one year since that scary drive to Rochester to meet someone I had been talking with for a few days, but still terrified to meet.  I shared that whole “online dating” story several months ago so I won’t rehash all of it for you.  But boy was I nervous.  And I told him.  He kept reassuring me there was nothing to worry about, but well, asking an anxious person not to worry is like asking a squirrel to stay out of your bird feeder.  (Just made up that analogy - share it with your families.  I think it will stick around.)  Even though we had “met” for a quick second at a basketball game days before, I still had horror stories of women meeting axe murders while online dating playing in the back of my head.  

We met at Red Lobster and had an amazing dinner.  Almost right away Tim put me at ease and we were able to talk and talk and talk.  We went to a movie.  Knowing how much he hates action/adventure now I’m so impressed that he sat through and didn’t get bored out of his mind at London Has Fallen, or fall asleep.  We had a second date a few days later and I kept telling myself it was just for fun and I would see other people.  Heck - I even made a date with someone.  And then Tim came and sat through a choir/band performance.  And not even a concert - a competition.  With long boring concert pieces, that's impressive.  And well, I was talking with Libby about him the next day.  I remember saying that he was just too nice to be real.  And her reply, very Libby like and true to her, “you’ve done crazy and mean, how about you try nice for once.”  Out of the mouths of babes as they say.  I cancelled my other date and the rest, as they say, is history.

Looking back on the past year, I know we did everything “wrong”.  We dated exclusively after a week.  We introduced our kids after only 2 weeks.   My girls and I went to his family Easter after only a few more weeks.  I moved in and moved my family within a few months.  We were engaged after only dating a little over 3 months.  And on and on… There is no way to explain it and there is no way to tell you how we just knew it was right.  But it WAS just right and we knew.  

I know the day will come when we will have a fight.  I’m not sure how long the “honeymoon phase” is going to last, but I also know that everything that has happened in my life prior to meeting Tim has prepared me to appreciate what a truly amazing man, father, fiance he is.  There were former versions of myself that would not have been able to be as thankful as I am for all of the little things he says and does every single day to show me that I’m important to him and that he loves me.  That appreciation, that knowing what life was like, could be like, makes me so thankful to be with someone as caring, loving and kind as Tim.  

I was talking with a friend who had also been through a damaging relationship and how we both felt that a person could feel sorry for themselves and all “poor me”, or they could choose to look at what they had learned from the experience and how they could become a better person because of it.  Whenever I tell Tim that I wish I had met him sooner so that I could have loved him longer, he reminds me of this.  He reminds me that we went through what we did so that we would appreciate and understand each other better.  That we met each other when we were ready for each other and that the important thing is that we have each other now.  Did I mention he’s pretty smart too?  

So one year with Tim.  And I couldn’t be luckier.  He does all the stuff that a loving husband is supposed to do.  He helps with laundry and dinner and chores.  He helps me clean.  He takes care of things and takes care of me (I love not having to put gas in my vehicle!).  He spoils me with unexpected treats like a Dt MD in the cupholder or Cadbury eggs on the seat.  But it’s more than that.  It’s how he patiently helps my girls with their homework - even when the little one is not very nice about it.  It’s how he is always so steadfast, patient, solid when my world is in a turmoil.  It’s that he’s the one I rush home to because I know that no matter how bad my day was, once he’s holding me it will all be better.  It’s how he makes me laugh at the stupidest things.  It’s how he makes me want to be a better person and inspires me to be stronger in my faith.  It’s how he is by my side and supports me in everything, but challenges me to think about the other side at times too.  It’s how he says “I love you” a dozen times a day, but shows me a dozen more.  

Here’s to the first anniversary.  The first year of many more to come.  The first of forever.  

Why do you show horses?

Why show horses?  It’s a question that came up while reading the comments on a thread on Facebook.  Why do we show horses?  I don’t know if I have ever really asked myself that or been asked that before.  Because it’s fun probably isn’t a good enough answer?  

Why do we show horses is definitely a different answer than why do we own horses.  Those answers are probably easier, yet still a bit mystical.  Owning horses is a challenge.  It is expensive.  It is a lot of work.  It is stressful at times when you have injuries, or trouble finding hay, or a place to keep them.  But it is so worth every dollar and every minute and every second of worry.  

Owning horses brings me great joy.  Just spending time at the barn, cleaning stalls and being around the horses is fun.  Of course riding is my favorite, but I don’t have to ride to enjoy spending time with my horses.  When we had our horses at home, my favorite way to start the day was to wake up and go out to do morning chores.  It’s literally therapy for me.  There is nothing like the feeling of seeing your horses well cared for and happy.  There is no way to describe how they make you feel when you master some task together.  There is nothing as relaxing as just being close to your horse and spending time with their peaceful (or funny) presence.  

But why horse show?  Why not trail ride?  Why not barrel race?  Why not calf roping or the hundreds of other ways to enjoy horses?  The answer to that question is many fold.

We do trail ride, well did - hard to load up and go last year, but hoping to again this year.  We love trail riding. It’s incredibly relaxing and fun to do something different with your horse and put them in different situations to see how they will relax.  Sophie is especially a big fan of the water crossings.  They do add an element of excitement.  Usually we have at least one first timer with our horses and it is always interesting to see how they will react to be asked to cross water the first time.  Some seem to take it to the extreme *cough-Ace-cough*.  There is always something to add interest on a trail ride.  Horse eating picnic tables, fire rings, or lawn chairs for example.  And yes, I have been riding a horse when it has spooked at a butterfly.  1000 lb animal versus a butterfly and the butterfly definitely won that round.  

But we maybe trail ride 4 - 5 times a year, so we can’t say we are dedicated to the sport. (And yes - horseback riding is a sport.  Don’t make me write another blog on that.)  So why, out of the million of directions you can go with horse ownership, did we choose horse showing?  Let’s see.  We wanted something competitive.  I feel that competition pushes us to be the best that we can be.  Competition pushes us to work harder at skills and become better at whatever we are working on, in this case - making a better connection with our horses and helping them be better athletes.  Since our horse friends at the time showed in judged horse events, that is the direction we chose.

Our girls have dabbled in various other events over the years, thanks to the POA being an all around breed.  Both girls have tried and loved game events.  Both girls have done reining patterns and love them.  Both girls have done some jumping and loved that as well.  But our strength, our knowledge base and connections, lie in the judged events.  And while I love the game events as well - until the magical day when I win the lottery and can afford a horse for judged events and games, I’m choosing my favorite of the two and showing my pleasure horse.  

But why horse show at all?  Some people horse show to earn money or win prizes.  Those people spend a lot of money to earn it when you are talking about pleasure horses.  A good money winning/saddle winning pleasure horse costs tens of thousands of dollars.  Their owners spend thousands of dollars on trainers, tack, apparel, trailers and weekends showing at every event they can.  Show circuits give points at every show so you have to attend them all in order to be in the running for high point awards.  That’s not just a time commitment, it’s a financial one as well.  There have been shows where my girls have wanted to run for a high point saddle or other award and I had to be honest and tell them we just couldn’t afford the class fees to enter in all the classes necessary to be in the running.  I hope over the years they have learned and accepted some tough lessons.  

When you show on a budget, you need to show for very different reasons.  You need to show for the love of your sport, you need to truly love your discipline to put in the hours of practice and training necessary to accomplish your goals.  You need to show because you love your horse and want him or her to be the best they can be.  That means, not getting frustrated when your horse can’t compete against horses that are better bred or more heavily trained.  We have a history of showing good horses (not great, but good horses), but we have made most of our horses from the ground up so there have been some frustration and struggles along the way.  It isn’t easy riding the green 3 year old against seasoned show horses. But when you hear your name announced, however infrequently, it is worth so much more knowing that you and your horse got there together.  You have to go into each class not hoping to place, but hoping to reach some private goal between you and your horse.  Maybe today it is just getting your leads.  Maybe it is maintaining a consistent jog.  Maybe, depending on the horse, it is not running over the judge this time.  Meeting those personal goals is worth more than any buckle or saddle.  

We show in used/borrowed tack with plain show clothing, that is usually used as well.  Heck - sometimes it is even borrowed.  I’m not going to say I don’t ogle and ooh and ahh at the fancy show clothes.  And then I look at prices and realize that I paid less than what one jacket costs for two of our horses combined.  But I do still think they are pretty.  I’m thankful that no matter how much Libby wishes she could have one of those fancy jackets, she is willing to hang out with me in our button up shirts and jeans.  Neither of us has an expensive hat, although we both eye them all the time.  Libby shows in her training saddle and I show in my plain jane RS as well.  No fancy headstalls and we have one nice show halter that was a donation to our cause years ago.  I am not complaining!  I love what we do and how we do it.  I love that sometimes we pull out those placings or wins and prove that you don’t have to have all that fancy stuff.  But I sure understand those that want it and enjoy it too.  Bling does make the world go ‘round.  

Showing horses is a source of great joy with periods of disappointment, embarrassment, anxiety and sadness mixed in.  I think that one of my favorite parts of horse showing is all of the people we have met and made connections with over the years.  There are so many great people in horses.  And we have been blessed enough to meet lots of them.  I love sharing the laughs, the rainy days, the sunny days and the success and failures with all of them.  No matter what the judges opinion, there are always memories being made.

Second weddings

You know what my favorite thing is about discussion and debate?  The fact that the more I have to explain myself to someone and research a topic, the more I understand how I really, truly feel about it.  This happened to me this week.  I got into a discussion about big wedding vs small wedding with someone and I learned something.  I’m super excited about my big wedding coming up.  

There was a time when if someone would have asked me if I wanted to get married again, I would have said no way.  And if I ever considered the idea of another wedding, I imagined it would be a small affair;  few people, maybe a destination wedding, simple dress, etc…  I had this theory that was what was appropriate for a second wedding.  The small private affair and maybe a reception later with a few friends and family.  But I’ve done a complete 180 on this one.

At first I thought I was doing the big wedding thing because it was what Tim wanted.  But as I got more and more excited, I decided I didn’t care about what a second wedding is “supposed” to be.  This is the wedding I was supposed to have, with the man I was supposed to marry.  That is what is important.  If I want all my friends and family to be there to celebrate, that isn’t a bad thing.  

Here we are just a few short months away from the date and the dress I have is big.  It has a giant long train and beautiful embellishments and I am not ashamed.  I love my dress and I want to look my absolute best on one of the most important days of my life.  I’m excited about my dress.  I’m beyond excited at the idea of having my best friend standing by my side with our girls next to her.  I can’t wait for the beautiful music, the vows that we are going to share, and the announcement that Tim and I are Mr and Mrs Andring.   

And you bet I’m excited about the reception.  I love the beautiful hall we picked out.  I can’t wait to see all my friends and family and visit, dance, laugh and share stories.  I can’t wait for the food, the desserts, the music, the lights.  We are keeping it simple, but it will be big.  And I refuse to feel bad about that.  

I’ve read a bit about second weddings and nowhere does it say you have to keep it small and private.  That may have been the case years ago.  But today - throw those “rules” out the window and have the wedding you want.  Everyone keeps telling me that planning a wedding is stressful and I know Tim worries about the things I say I’m doing for myself for the wedding.  But maybe I’m doing it wrong?  I’m not stressed out yet at all. People won’t be coming to my house so I don’t even have to clean.  I love to cook and am looking forward to that.  Decorations are going to be kept super simple and I’m not making anything.  I have my binder and my plan and uh?  Not stressed yet?  Does that part come later?  

Whatever happens down the road for the next few months, it isn’t a big deal.  The big deal is that I am literally marrying the man of my dreams.  The man that makes me so incredibly happy that I don’t care if the wedding photographer doesn’t show up (Just kidding Jill - I’ll kill you), the flower girls refuse to walk down the aisle, the maid of honor passes out (she’s threatened), the flowers all die, the food flops, or it rains cats and dogs.  I’ll still be walking down that aisle to Tim.  We will still promise to love and cherish each other for the rest of our days (and I plan on that being a lot of days) and we get to celebrate it all with our favorite people in the whole world.  It doesn’t get any better than that.  And seriously - if any of that other stuff happens, get it on camera.  I love a good story.

Tattoo Redo

So I’m working on ideas for a tattoo to cover up “the teddybear”.  The tattoo that has been a thorn in my side since I got it.  I loved my first tattoo, which is a horse NOT a unicorn like everyone seems to think.  Unicorns have horns people. Mine does not.  But I digress.  I went to get my second with a cute idea.  An adorable little teddy bear holding two pink roses, one for each of my girls.  The bear I got looked a little bit like a Grateful Dead bear, only uglier.  I have not been happy with it since day one.  With the wedding around the corner, and given that the bear is prominently displayed on my shoulder, I want/need to cover it up soon.  

I reached out to a prominent tattoo artist in the area that has come recommended to me by friends.  He got back to me right away and we started talking about possible solutions.  Right away he dismissed trying to “fix” the ugly little sucker.  Too little with too many issues.  So his next suggestion was to try to tailor it to my girls’ personalities now that they were older.  So we started brainstorming.

Libby’s was easy.  She’s an open book.  No literally, that’s what I’m going to do to represent my Libby.  It covers so many bases.  For the obvious - she loves to read (and write).  I love that it is something we share.  We are always recommending books for each other and even if we sometimes disagree, it’s fun to have someone to debate the merits of a book with.  It also represents her personality in so many ways.  She is a very open person, not afraid to tell you how she feels or what she thinks.  She is also creative.  She surprises me constantly with her thoughts and ideas.  And she inspires me, which is something I love about a good book.

Sophie was a little more difficult.  She’s harder to pin down for one thing.  There is a lot that is Sophie.  My gut reaction was that she’s an athlete so the artist recommended putting her favorite sport, like a basketball or volleyball.  That would represent her NOW, but do I really want a volleyball to represent her when she’s 40?  After talking about it with Sophie - we are leaning more towards a trophy cup.  It would signify the fact that she’s an athlete.  But it would also represent her competitiveness and drive that  makes her such an achiever in so many aspects.  The other suggestion that I got from my best friend, who has known Sassy Sophie since birth, was a butterfly to represent how social she is and how important being a friend is to Sophie (social butterfly). That’s darn good too and is definitely still on the table.  I thought about a symbol to represent how independent and stubborn she is, but don’t really want a donkey on my shoulder for eternity.  (Sorry, not sorry Sophie)

So I have it narrowed down, I have the artist in mind and now… time to work up my nerve and make that appointment.  It’s way past due.   

Our Peanut

We have been blessed to have had some truly wonderful 4 legged companions over the years.  I've loved watching my girls grow up with loving dogs by their sides.  One dog that has been with them for quite some time is Peanut.  

We didn't get Peanut as a puppy.  Peanut came to us well trained and much loved from some horse show friends of ours.  We gladly opened up our house to Peanut and she taught Libby a ton about showing dogs.  Peanut was her trained obedience dog that won her Grand Champion at the fair.  She also got Reserve Champion with her in agility.  Now, if you have never seen an 8 lb chihuahua doing agility, you haven't lived.  I have never laughed so hard as I did at little Peanut "racing" around the course.  My favorite memory is when Peanut dashed into the tunnel and decided she had had enough running for one day so she laid down and it took a lot of coaxing for Libby to get her back out and back on course.  Oh how I wish I would have had it on video.  But she could do a sit/stay like nobody's business and she looked pretty cute jumping the bar laid on the ground (since she's so short - her jumps were shorter too).  

When I divorced and we moved to town we tried finding a new home for Peanut for about 2 seconds.  It was quickly decided that Peanut would have to come with us.  We tried keeping Gunner happy in town too, but eventually we did the right thing and found him a family back in the country.  Peanut has been and still is very much a part of our family.

There is something so incredible about this dog.  For the most part, she could give a rip less about other dogs.  But she tolerates everyone.  Pixie will try to show she's the boss and Peanut just walks by and ignores her.  She is almost haughty with her disdain.
She is loving, but also content to sleep the day away in her bed.  She still loves to go on "walk abouts" if you don't keep your eye on her and make sure she stays home.  Usually scouting for food someone may or may not have left unattended on a patio or under a grill.  Being as she is mostly deaf now, calling for her really isn't effective.  Although, she was always pretty good at the selective hearing thing anyway.

She will sleep anywhere and still has her trusted bed with the heated pad and quilt to curl up in.  Most days she is found in her dog bed by the heat vent.  I miss the days where we could find her just about anywhere clothes or blankets were piled.

As you can see, Peanut is a lot less round then she used to be.  She turns 14 this year.  She is mostly blind, virtually deaf and still quick as heck when she doesn't want to have to go outside.  I can't catch her - that's for sure.  She has only a few teeth left and gets spoiled with a diet of soft food and rice to keep her stomach settled.  She also gets her fair share of dropped bits while cooking or eating dinner.  Her sense of smell hasn't disappeared and she is always underfoot once cooking starts.   She still dances for treats and can sit, but laying down is difficult as she doesn't see (or hear) the commands.   I worry that every day may or may not be her last.  And sometimes she sleeps so sound that I'm sure I will have to break the bad news to the girls.  But we are thankful for every day that Peanut has been a part of our lives and will continue to appreciate each day she is still with us.

"The dress"

I found my dress!!! When I started this process last August (I was shocked when I realized that it had been that long ago that I first tried on dresses), I had strong reservations about ever finding “the one”.  Everyone kept talking about how you just know.  That you try it on and it is this great aha moment.  I didn’t have that the first time.  I barely tried on any and of course right after I bought mine I tried on another on a whim and loved it so much more.  But being as I had bought mine - I was stuck.  And it was pretty enough.  And blah blah blah.  I didn’t know if I believed in just knowing. And with my budget, it wasn't a matter of finding the "right" dress, it was a matter of finding the "right, cheap" dress.  

I’m also highly indecisive and susceptible to others’ opinions.  So I was pretty worried I would not know which dress was “the one”, I would never make “a decision” and I would let others pick “the dress”.  But I was determined to at least have a dress on at the wedding.  Preferably wedding type.  And I knew one thing and one thing only, no strapless.  So off my maid of honor (and various sidekicks) went to try on dresses.

We started with the old stand by - David’s Bridal.  I had researched tons of dresses online so I knew what kinds of dresses that I thought were pretty.  I just didn’t know what would be pretty on.  Let me just say what is weird about trying on dresses.  First of all - they lend you a strapless bra and slip and that’s how the salesperson sees you.  At David’s Bridal they put the dresses on  you.  So much for privacy.  And that was awkward at first, but eh - whatever - I’m 40 and have had two kids.  I don’t have much for conventional awkwardness anymore.  Let’s try on some dresses.  

The first time we were there I tried on 3- 4 dresses.  A budget tends to make things difficult.  That combined with “no strapless” and the options were limited at David’s Bridal.  I had a few I liked, but wasn’t in a hurry or pressured to decide so put the dress trying on thing on the back burner.  

Then we moved up the wedding by 6 - 7 months and the pressure was on.  Back to David’s Bridal we went.  I was NOT impressed with the second experience.  First we got shuffled around even though we had an appointment.  We were made to feel like they didn’t have room for us because they were soooo busy (at 8:00 on a Wednesday).  The consultant reluctantly brought me one dress that I had tried on and liked months before.  Then Amy brought me a dress I found on the clearance side of the story and the consultant went and found one more dress.  One.  I liked the first dress again.  I loved the second dress from clearance and I hated the dress the consultant found.  When she brought me the next dress it was,  you guessed it ….. strapless.  The one thing I told her I would NOT try on.  When I told her no thanks she told me there were no other dresses in the store in my price range.  Umm… under $1000?  Okay.  Thanks but no thanks.  Needless to say, I didn’t have “the dress” yet.   

A few days later I had an appointment at White Rose Bridal in St Charles.  It’s a remodeled church and we walked in and I LOVED the place.  Everyone was super nice and welcoming.   I had also checked out their website and just walking in the door I was excited.  They have their dresses organized by size which makes shopping a lot easier.  So we started looking.  Worrying that my budget was ridiculous we didn’t pay attention to price tags and instead just started grabbing dresses.  Then I started trying on.  I loved the first one I tried on, but didn’t love the $1500 price tag.  

I loved the second dress I tried on, but still was in a little sticker shock at just over $1000.

I then tried on a series of dresses that fell in the “nope” category.  And then another couple, “eh - maybe”.

At this point I was getting a little nervous when I remembered that I had three dresses from their website I wanted to try on.  All from the clearance section.  

Apparently the clearance dresses are kept in an overcrowded basement room and my consultant was gone for quite some time.  But I came back from trying on a dress and she had two out of the three found and for me to try on.  I looked at the first one in the bag and knew it was my dress.  It had happened!  That feeling everyone said I would have!  And I didn’t even have it on yet.  

Once I tried it on, I was smitten.  It fit me perfectly.  Needs only a few minor alterations (why are all dresses made for 6 ft tall women) and it is MY dress.  The dress I have always wanted.   I love absolutely everything about it.  Amy and Libby overheard me saying that it was only $350 on clearance.  My consultant told me to look again.  $179!  I spent less on my dress than some of the veils and belts for the other dresses.  I loved my dress no matter what it would have cost, but I can’t lie.  I love it a little more since I got such a great deal.  I did the right thing and tried on the second dress but literally had it on one minute before I took it off and put my dress back on.  I didn’t need to shop anywhere else or look at any other dresses.  I had found the one, “the dress”.  

Since we don’t want Tim peeking until the big day, I can’t share a picture of “the dress”.  But I’ve shared some of the “maybe dress” and “could have been the dress” pictures instead!  

Failed attempts

Today’s writing prompt in my classroom was to write about a time they have failed at something but didn’t give up.  We are working on cultivating our growth mindsets and focusing on looking at our failures as opportunities to grow.  I shared the following meme with them to get them inspired and then shared a personal experience of my own failure to inspire them to get started.

Now you’re thinking, how did they have any class time to write after listening to all the times Melissa has screwed up in the past 40 years?  I tried to keep it simple and a super concrete example.  I focused on one of the things that still bothers me to this day and that I am still working at achieving.  Something that makes me feel like a failure, not only as a mother, but as a woman and even more so, a Kiehne.  Cinnamon rolls.

I adore cinnamon rolls.  Love the things.  Maybe it is a good thing I don’t know how to make them or I would be making them a lot more often and gaining a lot more weight.  But I feel like I owe it to my grandmother’s legacy to learn to make the damn things and well, the stupid Pillsbury ones in a can don’t even come close.  

My grandmother didn’t even need a recipe.  She went every morning to work at the Harmony House and made the rolls (and pie).  She didn’t have any trouble making them.  Hers didn’t flop or refuse to rise.  She didn’t have to read the recipe 15 times only to miss a step or do something out of order and there sit your little lumps of dead dough.  It’s so incredibly sad to me.  

I’ve tried multiple recipes and I still struggle with getting them to rise.  I took to trying other things for a while, tried making cinnamon roll pancakes.  Fail.  Cinnamon roll waffles.  Fail.  So I’m back to the real deal.  I can make pie, bars, cheesecakes, cupcakes, rolls, hot dish, you name it.  But put bread dough in front of me and I love up.  However, I will, I promise you, I will teach myself to make ooey, gooey, big, fluffy cinnamon rolls.  Until then, my family better learn to love the rejects.  Because I have a feeling there will be more.