Attack the concept of happiness

This quote, really long and wordy quote, showed up in my Pinterest feed this morning.  First of all, I’m impressed that I actually read it because it is long and wordy.  And I tend to skip over those that look like they are too much work.  I’m much better at the short and sweet jokes and quotes.  But that first line, “I actually attack the concept of happiness”, jumped out at me and sucked me in.  I kept reading and I was hooked.

Okay - so this is the point where I give all of you the opportunity to go back and actually READ the entire graphic. Because I know that some of you skimmed it like I did.  This time go back and read.  I have read and reread it trying to figure out how I feel about the message.  Do I agree with what it says?  Do I understand what it says?  What am I having for lunch?  (Sometimes I have a really short attention span.)  Isn’t happiness supposed to be the goal?  

With all the attention the latest TV series, “13 Reasons Why” is getting, happiness is on the forefront of a lot of people’s thoughts these days.  If you live under a rock and haven’t heard of it, “13 Reasons Why” is a book and a TV series about a girl who sends a box of the 13 reasons why she committed suicide to a friend.  It has stirred up a lot of controversy as it is popular amongst teens, an age group already susceptible to suicide and making poor, rash, irreversible decisions.  Some people believe that it is opening up conversations that are necessary between parents and their teens.  Others feel it is putting ideas into teens heads and glorifying suicide.  I have to admit that I have purchased the book and put the TV series in my Netflix list, but haven’t viewed either yet.  But I do feel it ties into this quote.

This quote really got me thinking about how much we stress that happiness is what we should all be striving for each day.  I’ve said and thought the same thing for some time.  But the line that really stood out to me was the part about sadness, disappointment, frustration and failure all being normal parts of daily life and actually, being the part that helps us grow the most.  There is so much truth to that, it nearly stops a person in their tracks.  

I preach to my students all the time that failure is okay, it’s not a big deal to fail at something or struggle with something.  But as soon as things get tough for me I start trying to figure out how to make it better and how to “fix it”.  I need to practice what I preach.  Embrace the tough times for the lessons they teach me and accept the bad times instead of trying to race through to the other side.  That’s where the learning happens and where the wholeness of being real comes from.  

I tend to feel guilty if I’m having a “bad” day.  If I think about the things in my life that aren’t going the way I want, or if I get a flash of anger, a feeling of frustration.  But isn’t it those moments where we learn what we need to work on in our lives.  Isn’t it normal to get a little angry, get a little sad, get a little frustrated.  We shouldn’t feel that guilt.  Feeling things, really feeling all of the emotions, that is wholeness.  That is being human.  And haven’t we all learned that the “bad” days make the good ones all the more sweet?

I guess that one little quote box was kind of a wake up call for me this morning and one I felt worth sharing.  Something to think about anyway.

Me as a Wife

So... I'm surfing through Pinterest today and this one pops out at me.  It makes me giggle because I may do this.  A lot.  In fact, someone may have been whining at the last family gathering because I kept stealing all the fresh pineapple off of his plate.  I mean, c'mon - if he really loved me, he'd let me eat his pineapple.  Am I right? 

I know I've shared this one before.  I'll probably share it again.  But it is so perfect and so funny.  I try really hard not to wake up Tim because I've never met someone who works as hard or as many hours as he does.  He deserves his sleep, but sometimes I have really important news to share.  Like...

I am can assure you that Tim has heard this exact or very similar thing as I have pulled out my little vacuum to suck up critters.  We have yet to have ants.  But if I never see another boxelder bug, asian beetle or spider again, I think I could die happy.

I've been really good.  Honest I have been.  But I never stop looking online.  It's a good thing I don't know any stop and shop animal shelters. Or this could be me.  

Well, this is pretty related so... yeah. 

So I'm kind of upset with myself for not planning this ahead.  This would have been the perfect birthday/anniversary date to share.  But noooo... I didn't even think of it!

Now the next few memes have a similar theme.  And again - I know I've shared a few of these before.  But well, they are just too perfect not to describe what poor Tim regularly goes through. I'd say he's a saint, but I believe I have used the term unicorn and that probably fits him better.  I am a food motivated person.  

I know you're probably all feeling pretty sorry for Tim right about now.  But I'm not all bad.  I do love him with my whole heart and his happiness is always one of my top priorities.  We compliment each other pretty well.  He keeps me from owning 32 adopted dogs, I keep him supplied with food and baked goods and we both fall asleep by 8:30.  You could say we are a match made in heaven.  

A really good day...

Do you ever have a really good day for no reason?  You’re just sitting there, doing the same stuff you always do and can’t get the smile off your face?  I truly love those days.  I’m sitting here today and I feel like exploding because I just feel so good!  Yes, I’m tired.  It’s Monday at my alarm went off way too early to go work out.  Yep, I’m sore from all the activities at the barn this weekend.  But I can’t seem to stop smiling.

So many wonderful things going on in the world today.  I got to spend a weekend at the barn, almost as much time as I wanted to be there really.  We had things and places we wanted to be, but over the course of 2 days, I spent 9 hours working with horses.  That’s pretty amazing.  And while my horses weren’t perfect, rope burn really hurts, there was nothing that wasn’t typical 1, 2 or 3 year old behavior.  And there were some real moments of “OMG, this horse is amazing.”  So that makes up for the “OMG why are you dumb?” moments.  We also got them clean and clipped for the show coming up next Sunday.  I am SO not ready - but I can’t think of many times when I have gone to a first show thinking I was ready.  I’m just going to keep repeating to myself that it is all for fun and I am not embarrassing myself.  

The weather has finally been amazing for days on end.  Is spring really here?  Don’t get your hopes up, but I did have my first sunburn of the season this past weekend.  That’s a very real sign.  And freckles, yeah - I have a lot of them.  The giant puddles, swamps and lakes are drying up everywhere and we can enjoy outside time.  It’s almost spring flower planting even.  How did that get here so fast?  

I’m immersed in a really great series on Criminal Minds that I can workout too (and only almost fall off the treadmill/elliptical a few times because of jump scares).  I just finished a really good book and am starting another.  I’m excited about new novels and stories to teach in reading next year.  New subjects and new students and a new grade.  All exciting changes for the next school year.

My oldest daughter went to PROM.  Prom people!  And she was so gorgeous.  She has struggled so with who to go with to prom since she broke up with her boyfriend a few months back.  She had a few ideas of guys she could ask but kept coming back to “I could just take Carlee” Carlee and Libby have been best friends since daycare.  They’ve been friends since Carlee bit Libby and Libby hit her with a truck.  They always dreamed about going to prom together and when Libby switched schools this year, that became a much bigger challenge.  Problem solved, Libby asked her to be her “date”.  I worried about what her classmates and new school members would think, but Libby didn’t.  She didn’t care what they thought because she wanted to have a good time and she wanted to share prom with her best friend.  And she did.  I’m so proud of her!  

I had an amazing weekend being completely spoiled by an amazing man.  And not spoiled in the way most people think.  He spent the weekend “horsing around” with me.  Not rushing me to get done, not waiting at home, but actually spending time getting dirty and working with the horses with me.  Not complaints.  And we had some laughs, we got sweaty and dirty and it couldn’t have been more perfect.  I still smile when I think about it and our 5 crazy equines. He makes me so unbelievably happy and the only thing about him that makes me sad is when I have to be away from him.  

And…. I had my 41st birthday yesterday.  I’m really not a huge fan of birthdays but I got really good advice on the day before my birthday this year. The older gentleman that owns the barn where we keep our horses commented that I had a birthday coming up.  I replied that I wasn’t looking forward to it and wished the birthdays would just stop coming.  He had very good advice.  He told me, “you don’t wish for birthdays to stop coming.  When that happens, you’re dead.” You can learn a lot from those older and wiser than us.  I definitely got the wake up call loud and clear.  Birthdays are a blessing.  Every day is a blessing.  And I’m going to keep looking forward to every day and appreciate the little things as well as the big moments.  So today.. I have so much to be thankful for.  Loving life and smiling.

Why Chickens?

Why chickens?  Is that even a question?  If it is, it shouldn’t be.  There has been a strong push from all of the family members to get chickens at our house.  Yes, you heard me.  I finally live where I can have chickens.  And I don’t have any. YET. I finally have the coop, the feeders, the waterer, the food, the .... You name it, we are THIS close to being ready. But I still don't think Tim gets it. He is grudgingly going along with it because he loves me and well, he spoils me. But really "why chickens?" Obviously he doesn’t understand how much I loved my chickens, right folks?  

Those of you that know me, know that my chickens were the most loved members of our hobby farm.  Just ranking below our ponies and maybe above some of our dogs.  Heck, many of you probably remember that one of our precious pooches had to find a new good home when he discovered that killing chickens was “oh so fun”.  Yes, I chose my chickens over my dog.  I’m THAT person.  For the record he’s very happy on a dairy farm near Eyota, much happier than he would have been than running around with a rotting chicken tied to his neck.  And yes, that was the fairly commonly given solution to chicken killing dogs.  

So, maybe I just need to convince Tim that I don’t just want chickens in my life, I NEED them.  Apparently whining isn’t working.  I guess I have to resort to reasoning.  What is this world coming to?

#1:  Eggs good for you and fresh eggs are the best.  Until you have tried fresh eggs, you will have no idea how old your store bought eggs really are.  It literally would take our fresh eggs a couple weeks to taste, look and cook like store bought eggs.  We also had really good layers.  Nice big eggs, some double yolks, and fun colors.  Because I raised some Ameraucana hens we had eggs in brown and white, but we also had blue, green and even shades of pink.  Fresh eggs make the best baked goods, hands down.  But also make everything better that you cook with them.  And good layers produce more than the average family can eat.  Even though we could only have 3 chickens, I’m not worried about us having enough eggs.  

#2:  Free fertilizer.  Cleaning the coop is a good way to add valuable fertilizer to your flower beds and gardens, without having to pay a cent.  Two birds with one stone.  Wait - that isn’t really a pun, I promise.

#3:  Pest control/weed control.  Chickens can eat their weight in bugs.  I know that the insect problem on our farm went way down when we had our free range chickens.  They did a fabulous job of keeping the bugs down.  People swear by them for weed control as well.  I’m not sure about that?  We still had plenty of weeds on the farm but I’m putting it here because, well, it helps my case and sounds good.  So weed control it is.  

#4:  Therapy animal.  You know how dogs can be therapy animals?  And how cats can be?  And they are even using pet pigs now as therapy animals.  Chickens are great pets and therapy animals as well.  Many breeds of chicken are super loving, gentle and enjoy spending time with their families.  Sophie had this big buff orpington hen.  She carried that poor hen around the farm with her all the time.  And Sparkle loved it.  You got it - her name was Sparkle.  Well, Sparkle Fishy Sophia Karen Onsager for her full name.  But Sophie called her Sparkle for short.  And she was much loved.  Chickens are incredibly soft and yes, almost cuddly.  My favorite was when the hens had a little flock of babies and would try to hide them all under her wings.  They are the cutest mothers on the planet.  

#5. Entertainment:  Chickens are a blast to watch.  I used to literally sit in my lawn chair and watch my chickens and their antics.  They are so funny to watch establish and hold their social hierarchy.  And when they get a treat and go from being excited to stealing treats from each other it is so comical.  As I’ve said, baby chicks are the most fun to watch, but even adult chickens can provide plenty of entertainment.  For fun, shuck a little sweet corn and watch your chickens have a blast.  They truly are a beautiful bird too.  They come in so many different astounding colors and patterns.  We ordered a mixed batch of the “top hat assorted chicks” once from the hatchery.  We really had some fun ones grow up on the farm that summer.  We also did a rare breed mix.  Those were fantastic and really amazing to watch mature.  But even the feather footed, the silkies, the banties and the wyandottes can be a vast array of different feathered beauty.  Watch chickens sometime, you will understand.  Millions of people around the world tune into the various eagle cams every year to watch an eagle sit on a nest and turn it’s head this way and that for hours at a time.  Or how about a giraffe that just paced around her stall for over a month and every time she went to pee or switched her tail, people were sure she was giving birth.  I guess maybe watching chickens doesn’t sound so dumb now, does it?  

#6. Inspiration for writing material: I literally wrote a book after watching my chickens and ducks/geese over a few years.  I never sent it off to be illustrated or published, but I am sure it was an award winner.  It might have even been an infamous “coffee table book”, but maybe not one you could leave out when the little were around.  It’s title was “Chicken Shit and Other Fowl Language”.  I really should dig that book out again.  It amused me at least.  

#7: Chicken is tasty:  Okay - so for the record, I don’t know if I could have eaten any of my hens.  I mean, I knew that I should be willing to once they stopped laying, but I don’t think I could have.  I did not have any qualms about eating some of the nasty roosters.  I may have even been the one to chop the head off one particularly violent and aggressive asshole.  Otherwise I was a big fan of dropping them off alive at the Amish and picking up my bags of ready to cook chicken a week later.  And they were delicious.  And I knew that they were well fed, safe to eat, and as organic as a diet of bugs, grass and corn can keep a chicken.  So sure - chicken is tasty and I will totally butcher my hens if they stop laying. (Crosses fingers and toes so the lies don’t count.)

So… Seven very legitimate excuses, crap - REASONS, why we need chickens.  I think that even the most stubborn of hearts should be able to see that we need chickens at our house.  Maybe it will be like my dog and he will learn to love them.  

Tomorrow is...

Tomorrow is the Kentucky Derby.  This is just an ordinary old day for millions of people in the United States and billions of people in the world.  But for some of us horse crazy kids it is a big and very important day.  

Horse racing has fueled great debate over the years among horse lovers and your every day animal lover.  Many feel that horse racing is cruel, the horses are started too young, they face great danger for injury and death, etc… But horse racing in our American blood and it isn’t going anywhere.  Instead we have turned to science to make the tracks safer, the horses stronger and the sport better.  I am not here to write about the merits or demerits of horse racing.  I’m here to discuss to what it means to me.  

America's horse - Secretariet

I grew up looking forward to that one day a year when everyone, or almost everyone, actually tuned into their TV to watch horses.  The rest of the year we watched football, baseball, basketball, golf (yawn), you name it - it occupied our 3 channels.  I couldn’t have cared less about any of them.  But for a few short hours on the first Saturday in May, my favorite thing in all the world were paraded across our TV set.  

First winner of the Kentucky Derby - Aristedes

I may not have heard of any of the horses before that moment.  Chances are pretty good that I didn’t.  But I would stay riveted to the TV and hear all of their back stories and watch them flash across the screen and I would make my picks.  I would wait anxiously for that call to post and watch the thoroughbreds dance alongside their steady pony horses.  I thrilled at the colorful silks the jockeys wore and every Black Stallion book I had read and reread was playing like a movie reel in the back of my mind.  

The song “Old Kentucky Home” would come across the speakers and goosebumps would crawl up and down my arms as it was almost starting gate time.  And then that magical clank of the gates as horse after horse was secured into their positions.  Then there were those few tense seconds as you waited for the bell and those magical words, “And they’re off!”  

I would be on the edge of my seat cheering on my favorites but always secretly hoping that the underdog would pull off a fantastic win.  I’m a sucker for a Cinderella story.  In my mind I was always on the back of one of those horses, straining for the finish line and fighting through the crowd.  

When the race would come to a close and a winner would go down in the history books, it didn’t really matter to me who won.  I was never disappointed in who the winner was.  For me it wasn’t about who won, it was about the horses and getting to spend time watching my dreams come true in front of me on the TV.  I can mark time periods and places in my life on where I was when the Derby was run.  I have distinct memories of several years watching from a hotel room as my dad competed in International Prelims with his barbershop quartet and chorus.  I remember sitting in our living room inches from the TV.  I remember the weather, the sunlight streaming in, the laughter.  Every year the Kentucky Derby is etched in my mind.  Sometimes barely sneaking it in before I had to rush off to do something else, but always doing my best to be near a TV screen when the call to post came.  

First filly to win the Derby - Regret

Tomorrow is the 143rd running of the Kentucky Derby.  A race that was started by none other than the Clark of Lewis and Clark on some land given to him by his uncle’s, John and William Churchill.  That race had 15 contenders, this year there will be 20 colts running the “The Run for the Roses” and the chance to wear that blanket of roses on their neck.  I will be tuned in and I will have my favorites.  Thanks to social media and following a few (okay - loads) of racing Instagram accounts, I already have my picks in mind.  But who knows?  For old time’s sake those might change the day I see them in the paddock across the big screen.  Who will you pick?

Field Trip Time!

Yesterday was our bi-annual field trip to the state capital.  We visited three locations; the state capitol building, the History Center and the Science Museum.  I look forward to this trip every time it comes around as I love visiting every single one of those places.  I also love seeing them through the eyes of my students as many of them view them for the first time.  It hits me every time we take this trip that many of my students have never visited our state capital or any large city outside of Rochester.  That was made abundantly clear yesterday when the students all saw the light rail for the first time. Many were excited and amazed by something so many of us take for granted every day.  One thing that hasn’t changed since I was a student myself is how excited students get by seeing a semi from a seat on the bus.  It made me smile to watch them all work frantically to get the semi driver to honk and their complete joy when they had success.  

If you are a Minnesotan and you haven’t read about our state capitol building or visited it, you need to go and see it soon!  It is newly remodeled and, while it has always been beautiful, it is beautiful and bright and shiny new looking today.  There are so many things to see and learn and view in our capitol building that we really only touched the tip of the iceberg with what we got to see in our half hour tour yesterday.  But I loved watching the students get excited about the grandeur of the building and seeing the places that we had learned about in MN history.  I’m hoping to get back there again this summer and see more of what they have remodeled with Sophie who didn’t get to see the capitol on her field trip as it was under construction.

We left the capitol and headed to the History Center after a quick lunch on the lawn of the capitol.  I had a great group and they were so fun to listen to and watch explore the museum.  But so were the other FC students that I ran into.  I was so proud to hear them be excited about history.  Almost as excited as I get, and that’s saying something!  

There was one blip at the History Center that actually turned out to be a great learning experience for our FC students.  I was waiting in line with my group and a coworkers group at the “Weather Permitting” exhibit which houses a room that replicates what it was like during the Fridley tornados in 1965.  As it grew close to the time for our group to go in, a group of 8-10 students from another school pushed in front of our students.  I told them that they needed to wait in line as our group had been doing.  They told me that they were part of a group in front of us with their chaperone.  I asked them if they thought that was fair to all of our students and the students from other schools behind us who had waited in line.  They started talking back and making snide comments about FC students.  I reminded them that they were representing their school district with their behavior. So while one student talked back to me, another got their chaperone's attention.  I’m not sure if it was a teacher or parent chaperone, but she told me that she had okayed them going around to exhibits while she held their spot in line. (Which - for the record - they did not.  I watched them off to the right of the line climbing on a bench and playing tag and grabbing at each other.)  I again asked the question if she thought that was fair to all the students that waited patiently in line behind her.  She became upset with me and informed me that it was really none of my business, that we were all going in anyway, and made some dismissive noises and gestures. I reminded her that she was also representing her school district.

At this point the students in her group realized that they had the full support of their chaperone with their behavior and it escalated.  They increased their mocking of my students, telling them to give their snapchats so they could be friends in a derisive tone and yelling at me that their teacher was nice and a good teacher and I obviously was not.  Several of the boys started pounding on the side of the exhibit saying they wanted to get in and it was their turn, etc...  My students did not respond or reciprocate any of the behavior and made several comments to me quietly about how disrespectful they were being.  It was a good lesson for my students as they saw me not responding and asked why I didn't say anything.  I reminded them that we had talked about it in class, that the behavior of those students reflected on who they were as people, not on me.  I was so proud of my students for turning their backs on the teasing and ridicule and not responding to any of their comments.  Not even once.  And not just not responding, but they were disgusted by their behavior and realized it was not how they would ever act.  

As my group went in, I waited outside to allow more students to fit into the tornado room.  When my students came out I asked if they had enjoyed the experience. They said that they were disappointed because those same students had talked so loudly through the whole thing so they couldn't really hear what was going on and that one of the students kept saying he was bored and that it was a complete waste of his time. They were shocked and couldn’t believe how rude that behavior was.  And again, I was so proud of my kids.  

As we left the History Center that day, the same group of students was waiting outside for their bus and again felt the need to yell at myself and my students all the way to our bus.  I did not choose to listen to their comments and as our bus was running, couldn't have heard them if I had wanted to.  But again was proud of my students as they walked by with their heads high and completely ignored the taunts and calls from those students.  What a life lesson they all had in dealing with confrontation and rude people. I’m actually kind of thankful for the experience for them.  

Our last stop was the Science Museum.  We watched the movie “Our Beautiful Earth”.  It was excellent.  So many amazing views of our planet from the ISS.  There is nothing like looking at Earth from outer space to stir a person’s soul.  After the film we toured the exhibits and the students had a blast.  Especially in the new “Sportsology” section.  They were all reluctant to leave and it was bittersweet as we rolled out of St Paul and headed for home.

As I reflect this morning, I am just so proud of my students in so many ways.  I’m proud of what they have learned this year, proud of their behavior, proud of what amazing young people they are and proud to have been their teacher the last 8 (almost 9) months.  I hate the end of the year and having to face saying goodbye to all of them as they head to the high school.  But I know this group will be amazing and I will get to see them from a distance grow into outstanding young adults.  Time to finish strong.  

Tell them you love them

Just a few days ago we attended the funeral for one of my good friend’s husbands.  He was just barely 40 and was taken from the world way too soon.  Too young, too full of life, too many loved ones left behind, with too much yet to give to the world.  He had made my friend the happiest I had ever seen her and he was her soulmate. They were so good together and I was so happy for her as she had  finally found the right guy.  And then he was taken from her so soon.  It didn’t seem fair.  I didn’t know Tony, had never met him, but as family members and friends shared their thoughts and feelings and stories, I came to know him and I cried for, not only their loss, but for everyone’s loss who never would get to know such an amazing person.  

Of all the things that I took away from Tony’s funeral, one of the things that really stuck with me and still sticks with me today, was that Tony asked those who visited him in hospice to share their favorite memories of him.  It brought me back to my mom’s goodbye’s when she was in hospice and reminded me how my first instinct was to apologize for every wrong that I had done.  As I was the youngest and had gone last to talk with her, she commented that she didn’t know why we all felt that we had to apologize for anything.  Everyone makes mistakes, but that we had all loved her and she knew she was loved.  That was what mattered.  And she wanted all of us to know that we were all loved and would always be loved as well.  

My mom and Tony reminded me of something that I hope I don’t have to come to my end of life to remember to do.  I hope that others will learn from both of them and do this as well.  But let’s share our love with those around us.  Not just when something bad has happened.  Not just when they do something for us.  Not just when we are scared, or hurt, or thankful, but every day and as often as possible.  

I’ve blogged before about not writing letters for your loved ones to read after you’re gone.  Write them and give them to them today.  Give them one next week.  Give them one every damn day if you can.  Tell them you love them, appreciate them, are thankful for them, even when you’re mad or frustrated with them.  Be thankful you have someone in your life to be frustrated with.  Life is too short to hold grudges, play games and get back at people.  Be you, be strong, but never forget to tell people that you love them for who they are are too.   Tomorrow may be too late.  Not everyone gets a chance at final goodbyes.

I’d write more but I’m off to write my letters to my loved ones.  So here’s your daily reminder to write yours as well.