Happy Happy New Year

Happy New Year.  It seems like every new year is a time for folks to wax philosophical, reflect on the year they have had and make resolutions or plans for the future.  I guess I won't be an exception, but instead of concentrating on the struggles or hardships I faced or the blessings I received, I'm going to concentrate on the lessons I learned in 2013.

Strength: There is a quote that says: "You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have." That was definitely a lesson I learned this year.  I never thought I would have the strength to make that impossible decision to improve mine and the girls' lives by making a break from our old one.  For myself I couldn't have done it.  But for my girls, I'd do anything.  And the need for strength didn't end there. Divorce is an ugly thing and there aren't any two ways around that.  But it has helped me find an inner strength that I haven't know I had for years.  And not only have I felt my own personal strength, but I've watched many of my friends struggle and grow and find a strength that they didn't know they had this year also.  My heart goes out to all of them and yet, at the same I'm so proud of them for showing themselves, their families and the world how strong they all are.

Family: "The love of a family is life's greatest blessing." With Alex becoming ill back in January and with the girls and I needing our family more than ever, our family has become a stronger more bonded unit than ever before.  I'm so thankful for my amazing family and how we are always there for each other.  No matter our differences, our past arguments, our histories, we are always there for each other.  Always.

Friendship: "Friendship means understanding, not agreement. It means forgiveness, not forgetting. It means the memories last, even if the contact is lost."  This year I've learned who my true friends are, the ones that can be counted on no matter what happens or how high the cost.  I know who will always be there for me and those I've lost along the way I cannot mourn as they have made a choice and I can't begrudge someone for making the choices they feel are right.  I'm so thankful for the friends in my life and the new friendships I have made, that I can't dwell on those I've lost.

Honesty: "Honesty is an expensive gift, don't expect it from cheap people."  You know what I've learned this year?  People can't disappoint you if you set your expectations for that person at zero.  A wise man and very good friend taught me that early this spring and it has helped me immensely over the past several months.  I've always valued honesty and this year has taught me that honesty with myself, my kids, my friends and my family has to be a cornerstone of my future.  And it also taught me the kind of people who will never and can never be expected to be honest.  You might say I have lost some of my trust in people, but I think that comes with gaining strength.

Determination: "The difference between the impossible and the possible lies in a person's determination." A little personal pat on the back, but a few years ago I never would have imagined that I could run 13.1 miles and not die trying.  Much less complete 2 half marathons.  I'll never be sorry for signing up for the two races I ran and I am even contemplating running another in 2014.

Laughter: "A day without laughter is a day wasted."  This summer I've learned to laugh even more and enjoy the littlest things.  And I've truly learned the value in being able to laugh away the worries about things a person cannot change.  When you can find the joy and humor in a situation, it makes all things bearable.

Love: "Falling in love with him was never in my plan until one day... I woke up loving him so much." I learned this year that everything doesn't have to make sense and be planned out.  That sometimes the things you just let happen are the best things that could ever happen to you.  And I'm so thankful for the things that just happened for me this summer.

With the lessons I've learned, my looking ahead to 2014 is pretty simple.  I wish for closure in the form of a final divorce decree so we can move on and move forward.  I hope for health and happiness for my beloved friends and family.  I hope for continued laughter, love and new beginnings in 2014.  And I hope that I never stop appreciating the lessons that life has for all of us.

A new kind of Christmas

So many changes this year.  Not the least of which is a change in holiday traditions.  New doesn't mean bad though and as throughout the entire year, the girls have learned to roll with the changes quite amazingly.  If only we as adults could adapt to change as well as kids do!
One big change was that Ryan and I had planned to be alone on Christmas Eve.  Neither of us was scheduled to have our kids so both of us were glad to have each other.  Of course, you always have to be prepared to be flexible and Sophie's pneumonia still has her on antibiotics and restrictions so she got to stay with us on Christmas Eve.
As Sophie and I wrapped presents, watched Grinch and smelled the delicious smells coming from Ryan in the kitchen I couldn't help but be thankful for the changes in my life.  Not all of them good of course, Christmas Eve isn't the same without Libby and Grandma Pokey's amazing treats, but there is so much to be thankful for that I can't focus on what is missing.  I have to think of the positives.
How can anyone feel sorry for themselves when they have a tiny bundle of joy curled up in your lap, your sweet baby girl laying against you and watching a cooking show on TV, homemade chicken wings cooking in the oven, homemade guacamole waiting in the fridge, a beautiful tree with presents piled and waiting under it, and amazing family and friends who never let you feel alone?  Sophie and I shared the story of the nativity with each other and shared in the miracle of this holiday season and now anxiously await the arrival of Libby in the morning.  We are truly blessed to have so many who love us surround us this holiday!  I have the joy of the holiday season in my heart and am thinking of all of you and yours at this holiday time.

The Annual Christmas Letter

The annual Christmas letter.  Ugh.  Hardest year ever to write a Christmas letter.  Usually I love coming up with some type of creative way to share the tale of our year.  We've had letters written by the dogs, the horses and barnyard animals, poems and one year the 100 moments that made our year.  That one took me a while. But this year was awful.  So awful I put it off until the last minute and have actually decided not to put it in most of the cards.  Just those distant relatives are getting one.  How do you write an upbeat, happy go lucky letter when your year has sure had its ups and downs?  And crazy as it sounds, I almost feel guilty for how happy I am with the changes in my life.  For those of you that just can't wait to hear what our year entailed, feel free to read below for the latest and greatest.  Next year....

Happy Holidays Friends and Family ~

            I hope this time of year finds you all happy, healthy and wise and ready to face 2014 with a smile on your face and a kick in your step.   I know that I have to catch myself from saying that I can’t wait for 2013 to be over and that I don’t ever want to remember it, because that isn’t true.  Looking back and reflecting on our year, just reminds me all the more that there is a plan for all of us and that we aren’t given more than we can handle.

            As many of you know, our Alex (my nephew) was diagnosed with Lymphoma on January 16^th.  It has been a year of trials and struggles, watching him fight the disease and the side effects of the chemo.  While his struggle has been painful to watch, it is also inspiring as he and his parents meet each new challenge with determination and courage.  Happily the cancer is in remission, but he will still need a regimen of chemo for the next few years.  Thank you all for your prayers and blessings.  Without all of you, we wouldn’t have made it through. We continue to ask for your thoughts as he continues his fight.

            Of course, 2013 wasn’t through with its trials with Alex.  It will also always be the year that I petitioned for a marriage dissolution and forever changed my family.  Divorce is not an easy decision to make, but when a person makes a commitment to better their lives for the sake of their children and themselves, the choice was obvious.  Again I can’t thank my friends and family enough for standing by me and helping lift me up with a kind thought, word or hug.  It always seems like someone was there just when the days were at their hardest.  As this divorce drags on, the girls and I appreciate each and every one of you more and more.

            With every darkness there is always dawn if you look for it and there were plenty of bright moments throughout our summer.  Libby and Sophie both competed on their ponies throughout the summer, showing in POA, SEMSCA and fair.  Both girls had an amazing year.  Libby was high point over her entire county and placed in every class at the state fair.  Even winning English equitation.  She kept up the English equitation sweep at Champ Show the next weekend and also placed in nearly all  her classes at Champ Show.  We are very proud of her hard work with Rye paying off.  She also worked diligently with Rye’s younger sister, Cutie, and accomplished many personal goals with her young pony.

            Sophie was Novice Grand Champion at the fair and also took Champ Show by storm.  At her first ever Champ Show she was first in western pleasure, second in western horsemanship and placed 6^th in a tough group for showmanship.  Sophie has shifted gears from horses and ponies a bit though and is joining new activities such as dance and athletics offered at school.  We are eager to cheer her on now and in the future in whatever activities excite her.

            I accomplished some important running goals this year.  A good friend talked me into running my first half marathon in honor of my nephew, Alex.  It went so well that I ran a second half marathon in August just for me.  Love to run!

            The girls and I are also blessed to have a very special man in our lives in the form of my boyfriend, Ryan.  Boyfriend sounds like such a funny word when you’re pushing the big 4-0, but I guess it is what you call it.  We can’t thank Ryan enough for being a part of our lives and sharing his sweet girls with us.  When we have all 4 girls under one roof it gets to be a lot of “girl power”, but if any man is able to withstand it, I know that Ryan is up to the challenge. 

With the family changes, the girls and I also had a big change in that we moved back to town in Harmony.  We have a great home that my dad is slowly making brand new right across from the high school.  Libby is loving the short walk to school and being able to run home if she forgets something important.  I’m loving the amazing job my dad has done with brand new roof, siding, windows, you name it!  It’s like a brand new house!  Every day I come home to something else being redone and you just never know what the “singing carpenter” has up his sleeve.

Libby wanted to make sure I tell you all about our newest addition.  With moving to town, we had to find homes for our Aussie pups.  We tried turning them into town dogs, and that made their high energy selves miserable.  Peony went home to her former owner and Peanut needed company.  Well, we thought she did, she's not so sure about Miss Pixie Dust, Pixie for short, who is a long haired chihuahua.  She's a little 2 lb ball of sass right now and sure puts a smile on our faces with her antics.  

As I wind down the annual letter, I promise to keep you all in my thoughts, not just this holiday season, but all year through.  May God bless you and keep you.  Happy Holidays from our home to yours~

                                                                        Melissa, Libby and Sophie

Sophie on the mend.

Friday Sophie had a checkup.  Her first day in 6 days where she woke up without any temperature whatsoever and it stayed down all day!  So happy!  She felt much better and really dove into her homework.  The checkup also went well.  No icky "tests" for Sophie and she was having a great appointment until the news came... You can go back to school BUT no phy ed or recess.  WHAT?  The look on her face was priceless.  She waited until the doctor left the office to turn to me and say, "No PhyEd or recess?  What's the point of going back to school?"  I had to laugh.  Poor kid!  She will appreciate being back when she gets to see all of her friends again.
Thank you to everyone that texted, stopped me in the hall or stopped by to see how she was doing.  Not a day didn't go by without several caring folks checking in on my baby girl.  It sure means a lot to Sophie to know that you were all thinking about her and keeping you in her thoughts.

Busy weekend and looking forward to a quiet night at home (grading papers).  At least I'm warm and the ambiance is perfect.  Beautiful tree with some newly wrapped presents underneath.  Full stomach with an amazing dinner cooked by an amazing man who I'm blessed to have in my life.  Bring home my girls and tonight will be perfect.  Oh and seriously - does it get any more precious than these two?

A diagnosis!!

So Sophie had a checkup today to check her kidneys again.  So they told her it would be just one more test.  And they lied, again.  But for a good reason.  On his exam, the doctor noticed that her lungs sounded a little different.  After more listening it became an obvious that a chest xray was necessary.  And the xray showed.... yep - pneumonia.  Finally!  A diagnosis.  Am I happy that Sophie has pneumonia?  No.  Am I happy we finally have something definitive that we can treat and help her to feel better?  YES!
Poor Miss Sophie though.  Not only did she have to live through another urine test and then a chest xray she ended the visit with an antibiotic shot. In her buttocks.  (Say that in your best Forrest Gump voice).  And she hasn't stopped whining.   We were just laughing at her gimping around and she yelled at all of us, while wildly gesturing with her hands, "I got a shot!  IN THE BUTT!"

Poor Sophie

Sophie is on Day 5 of her temp.  It is the weirdest thing and despite all the normal tests, we just can't figure out what is going on with her.  She's been through all the tests; urine, blood, throat culture, more blood, nasal swab.  Yeah, she was really thrilled with me about all of those tests.  Especially after the doctor told her he was all done and then ordered another blood test.  I told her it wouldn't be that bad.  I got this look:

Still they can't figure out what is wrong, all the tests came back normal. Her temp can skyrocket to 104 or 105.  It very seldom that it is normal, usually runs at the least around 99 - 100.  But the kicker is she has virtually no other symptoms.  NO stomach ache, headache, congestion, runny nose, aches or chills and only a slight cough. So we go back today for more tests.
Through it all she has been a great patient.  She grabs her stack of movies in the morning and watches movies and works on make up work in her bed.  She's making progress on her work, now if only we could get her better!
Please keep my little Peanut in your prayers!

And so it begins...

The divorce has brought so many changes to our family.  One of those changes is that soon I will be letting our webpage expire.  It's supposed to be sad.  Ending of an era.  And I do my best to be respectful of my daughters' feelings about losing the farm and the dream we had been building.  So then, why is it such a relief?
I look at it like tearing off a bandaid.  The past few months I have been slowing pulling it off, one fraction of an inch at a time, but it's time to rip the rest off.  The facebook page was the first to go.  The website is next.  I've saved a couple things and I hate to think of losing my blog, but again - not as much as I should.  To move forward, you have to let go of the past.  And that time is now.
With letting the webpage expire, for now you'll have to keep up with the happenings of the girls and I right here.  I'd love to claim that it will be an easy couple of months with not much happening.  But I've yet to have that happen.  The months always seem to fill up quickly!
There you have it.  Three ladies in Harmony or three ladies in harmony, take your pick.  Hopefully both will always be true.