Online dating - the wave of the future. You’ve heard the horror stories but I hope you’ve heard the positive ones as well. My life has been changed forever and for the better because of online dating. I have to share my experience for anyone who has thought of trying or has tried it in the past. Share your stories too!
When I asked Ryan to leave and found out what he had done, I was pretty much done with men. Ready to be alone, maybe invest in the crazy cat lady starter kit or something. Both my therapist and my very good friends told me not to give up, that there were honest men out there who did know how to treat women right. I laughed but thought, what the heck. Not a quitter I guess? But where do you meet men when you are almost 40? And I wasn’t looking to meet men who hung out at bars, I don’t exactly work at a singles club and well… umm… college classes weren’t really on the table? So now what? One of my good friends who was happily in a relationship with someone she met online shared a dating site with me. And the best part it was FREE! Do you know that some of those dating sites cost $30 PER MONTH? Finding your dream date isn’t exactly cheap these days. I didn’t want to have to choose between finding the man of my dreams and putting gas in the car so I signed up for Plenty of Fish.
First you have to set up your profile. Let me just tell you that answering some of those questions wasn’t easy. Especially the “describe yourself” part. I wanted to meet people, lots of people, have some fun conversations, laugh, etc... But the temptation to write “if you don’t know the difference between you’re and your, keep on clicking past me” was strong. I fought the urge though and I think I blathered on about my kids being important and loving horses and doing stuff outside.
Apparently I used the right picture and said the right stuff because I did get lots of messages at first. Fresh meat and all that. And let me tell you that there are some really nice guys out there. Some I didn’t have a lot in common with, but I had a lot of very nice conversations and enjoyed chatting with many of them. In fact, two of them are still friends to this day, long after I have deleted my profile.
But the funny stuff were the other conversations. First of all, if there wasn’t a picture I deleted any conversation requests. Just too creepy. Sorry all you random people out there - maybe you’re very nice and I didn’t give you a chance because I thought you were a serial killer. I’m a small town girl and it’s the new millennium. Everyone has at least one digital image they can upload.
I also checked out pictures before answering and deleted many a conversation. And no - I’m not self centered and picky. I wasn’t looking at the guy’s looks. But if your main picture was your Harley or your truck, I swiped left. DELETE! If your pictures show you drinking with your buddies. DELETE. If your picture showed you half naked and flexing… I mean, c’mon...really? DELETE. And I’m not going to lie - I enlisted help from my friends. I’m a girl, I need to run you by my besties before I make any decisions.
Despite the rampant deleting, I talked with several decent guys and a few of them mentioned actually meeting. But every time I chickened out. I had loads of excuses. I was busy, I was nervous, I wanted to get to know them more first, etc… And these were perfectly nice guys. I had already deleted the guys that went from completely normal conversations to “you run and ride horse, I bet you have a nice ass.” I bet those guys are still wondering where they went wrong. But even the nice, normal conversations weren’t enough for me to gather the courage to actually MEET someone. But then there was this one guy…
Maybe it was because he said he just wanted to see me and say hi at a basketball game? It doesn’t get much safer than that. Surrounded by my Falcon family, in a very public place, okay - I can meet you and say hi. Maybe because he was a teacher at a neighboring district and I had my good friends check him out first? Maybe because I stalked him online and Facebook and didn’t find anything? Maybe because I had a friend do a quick background check on him? Maybe because another friend checked him out on court websites? Did I mention I’m paranoid and have made bad choices about the opposite sex in the past? Talk about your friends not letting anything go wrong this time!
The good news was that he wasn’t an axe murderer! Or at least he didn’t seem like it and/or kept a very tiny axe in his back pocket. And I survived the 5 minute meeting. So I agreed to the first date. And then a second. And the rest, as they say is history.
Today we are engaged, live in relative peace (we do have four kids from two families - let’s be real here) and are excited to make it official in 2018. But still, when people ask how we met it gives me a squirmy embarrassed feeling to say “we met online”. Despite the stigma, I can say I had a very positive experience with online dating and would recommend it to any friends and family looking to meet new people. And my suggestion, go free first!
PS - When you delete your online profile be prepared for a lengthly process. And for an added chuckle, the last step is to click that you either want to keep your page or "I Give Up". Nothing like an online dating site making you feel like a quitter!
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