I missed my mom. Many of you know that my mom lost her battle with cancer 16 years ago. She was not a perfect person, she drove me crazy some of the time (which is only fair as I drove her crazy a LOT of the time), but she was one of the kindest people I know. And she was fun and devoted and hard working and so many other wonderful things that I don't have the space to even describe here. She was a force to be reckoned with, despite being a tiny little lady. She was the matriarch of our family and when mom told you to do something, you did it. And you didn't complain. She adored her grandbabies and doted on them. She was so excited to get a granddaughter and in one of life's cruel twists, she only got to know Libby for a year before she was taken from us. I have missed my mom for 16 years through major life changes, sicknesses and injuries, grief, sadness and happy proud milestones for both of the girls. There were times when they would be performing and I would think to myself that she would have been so proud of them both. But I never missed her more than I did this week.
I have had so many wonderful women step into the roll of mother or grandmother for my girls and I. I can't thank any and all of them enough. The girls have their "grandma" Ann, Anne and Kevin Dykstra, Kathy who was a rock for me for so many years, my sister, my best friends, my new family and our amazing stepmom/grandma Sharon. All have done so much for us and gone out of their way to make us part of their family or step into the mom/grandma role. We couldn't thank you all more. But I still miss my mom.
Tim caught me crying one day and all I could tell him was that I missed my mom. I joked through the tears that we probably would have been driving each other crazy through the whole process, but I still wanted and needed her there. He was super supportive and understanding, but it is definitely one of those things that there just isn't anything a person can do. But I have to say that so many people stepped up to help make my mom a part of our day. Amy, I can't thank you enough for the beautiful locket wrap that you gave me. Thanks to you I was able to have a small piece of my mother's wedding dress close to me for the whole day. Thank you to Alex Scrabeck for walking a beautiful portrait of my mom down the aisle so that she could be seated at our wedding in her place. Thank you to Amy for printing the photo as well. And thank you to Jill Miller for her ideas on how to incorporate the photo of my mom into our wedding portraits as well. But I still missed my mom.
And then during our ceremony, I saw something out of the corner of my eye and turned to look and saw a dragonfly wing its way right by Tim and I and hung out up by us for a few minutes. It was a beautiful dragonfly with a black body and vibrant black and blue wings. I immediately teared up with happy tears, (and am tearing up again as I type this), because I knew at that moment my mom was with us. A couple of months ago I wouldn't have even given it a second thought. But Carter had just shared this photo with me a few weeks ago.
Something I never knew. Never thought of. And maybe didn't believe. Until I saw that dragonfly. Then I knew. I knew my mom had hitched a ride on that dragonfly so she could be a part of my very special day. I felt her with me and in my heart I felt comfort knowing that she not only was giving us her blessing, but I could feel her happiness and pride. I know that she would love Tim and how happy he has made my girls and I. I still miss my mom, but I am reminded that she is always with us and on our special days, she will literally move heaven and earth to be there with us.
I saw a dragonfly on my wedding day and I know that it carried a very special angel to visit me.
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