Parental Alienation Syndrome

This past weekend I was discussing this condition with another set of parents dealing with the issue.  They were on the outskirts of the issue being an extended family member.  They knew what was happening in their family, but had no idea there was an actual name for it.  We joked that most people write it off as simply, "shitting parenting".  But there is so much more and the damage goes so much deeper than most can even imagine.

I've blogged endlessly on co-parenting and how to be a divorced parent.  Unfortunately for my kids and step kids, the ones who really need to read it; can't, won't and don't.  The even sadder truth is that even if they did read it, it would not matter, as parents who are alienators do not care what is best for the kids.  They care about what is best for them.  Many parents who are alienators are also either selfish, or at the far end of the spectrum, narcissistic.  Typically their only concern is getting back at their ex through the best tool they have at their disposal, their kids.  If that doesn't scare you and horrify you a little, then keep reading.

I began researching Parental Alienation the first summer of my divorce.  Sophie was coming home from her weekends with her dad with some very real anger issues.  No one would guess it now, but she was so angry she lost all of her impulse control.  And 99% of the time, that anger was directed at me.  She would hit me, kick me, throw things at me, spit at me, you name it.  Often times her rage would be such that you couldn't talk with her or reason with her and that rage was directed at me.  She was hearing horrible things about her mom every time she spent weekends with her dad and in her mind, I was 100% to blame for the divorce.  For Sophie to heal and move forward it took counseling and even then she wasn't really able to put the anger aside until she stopped going to her dads.  It was then that she began telling me stories of what she had been told and how it hurt her.  She was so conflicted because she loved me and couldn't figure out how the image she had of me didn't mesh with the picture her dad was painting.  The conflict she felt and the hurt was so hard to hear.  She said she felt that she couldn't say nice things about me, my house, my significant other, etc... or she would anger her dad.  It changed me to hear how hard dealing with our adult crap was making it on our kids.  I wasn't perfect either and from that moment on I vowed to do my best to keep my personal feelings to myself.

I don't think our story is all that unique.  I would say that many, if not most, divorces have some level of this type of behavior going on.  Eventually my ex and I were able to stop this type of behavior for at least part of the time.  Mostly this was because Sophie herself laid down the law.  She refused to allow there to be "bad talk" about either of her parents.  No kid should have to stand up for their mom to their dad or their dad to their mom.  When one side couldn't stick to her new "rules", she chose to distance herself once again.  We chose to bring kids into the world and our relationship.  When that relationship ends, we need to choose to put the kids' needs first.  And kids need both of their parents.  Sadly, many parents aren't ever able to move past this alienation behavior.

Many friends and family have reached out to us over the past several months as we deal with parental alienation again. It is heartbreaking to hear so many stories from other parents whose kids have been alienated from them and from several grown children of divorce that went through having one of their parents kept from them.  One of my friends has been extremely kind and generous with sharing her story.  She gives us hope for a future reconciliation and at the same time, my heart hurts for her.  She is nearly my age (which is older than dirt you know) and her parents still argue and fight.  She and her siblings are still made to feel guilty for wanting to spend time with their "other parent".   This hurt doesn't need to keep happening.  Our children have so much love to give and need all of our love.  Why do we continue to make them choose?  Love isn't a contest to be won. 

So after reading all of this, maybe some of you are wondering "What is Parental Alienation and how do I make sure it doesn't happen to my kids?"  Well, to answer your first question I have loads of research.  To answer your second question, there is literally nothing you can do.  We cannot control the words and actions of others.  Sometimes no matter how hard we try to provide a loving, caring environment for our kids, the other parent is still able to cause enough damage in the relationship that we will lose our kids.  As I am sure you have experienced, some people are really good at manipulating others, and kids are easier to manipulate than any other.  The only thing you can control is your own house and doing the best you can to let your kids know that they are loved if and when they come back to you.

What is Parental Alienation?  The best resource I have found is this website:  PAS Help: Causes, Cures, Costs and Controversies  Simply put, parental alienation is a systematic manipulation through many different methods to encourage a child to reject his other parent (and often the extended family as well).  There are many many ways that alienators accomplish this.

Some examples:
1.  Blaming the divorce on the other parent - providing real or imagined abuse at the hands of the ex to make them out to be the villain.

2.  Bashing the character of the other parent, calling them names, etc...

3.  I'm not sure how to explain this one, but it is truly where the deeper manipulation occurs.  It is where the alienator takes every day situations and turns them into deeper, more hateful, bigger issues.  For example, if the targeted parent supports a stepchild the alienator can tune into their child's jealousy and make it out that they have been replaced.  That the targeted parent loves the stepchildren more.

4.  Limiting time and contact with the targeted parent.  Moving, switching schools, planning vacations or fun time on the targeted parents scheduled visitation, not notifying the targeted parent of upcoming special programs, demands child come home in the middle of a visit, etc...

5.  Attacking the character of the family and friends of the targeted parent, even going so far as convincing the child that those people are out to get them or wish them harm.  The goal is to make sure the child has no one who will contradict their statements against the targeted parent.

6.  Teaching the child and then encouraging the child to lie to the targeted parent (often adding things like, "Don't tell them I let you stay up because they will be mad.")

7.  Referring to the targeted parent by name, "Bob said you want to spend time with him this weekend?"  (Not "your dad")

8.  Taking away forms of communication like cell phones to limit the contact between child and targeted parent.

9.  Rewarding child for talking badly about targeted parent.

10.  Making the child feel guilty or withdrawing love/affection if the child shows that they care for or speaks positively about their targeted parent.

11.  Speaks badly about new children in the relationship (half or step siblings).

12.  Teaches the child adult phrases or names to use against the targeted parent.

13.  Teaches the child to refuse to communicate or give the silent treatment so that resolutions have no chance to be met.

14.  Undermines the parents rules while in your house.  (Examples: "Your dad may not let you have your phone after 10:00 pm, but I will.  You don't have to make your bed here, that's crazy.  Let me do your laundry, kids shouldn't have to do their own laundry.")

15.  Threatening to take the targeted parent to court, discussing legal issues, etc...

It is impossible for rational, normal people to imagine someone acting in this way.  This is not normal, rational behavior.  Quoting the above website:  "Drama replaces reason. Individuals with these problems do not solve problems by being rational, but rather by escalating ordinary events into dramatic episodes. They have exaggerated mood swings. A person once revered and respected can suddenly become an object of hatred and contempt. This black-and-white, highly polarized thinking is called "splitting and is typical of these types of personalities. They are unpredictable—one day loving and cooperative, and the next attacking ferociously. They have no internal conflict, because they truly believe they are right. Like Teflon, nothing sticks to them. If a problem arises, it is always someone else’s fault. People comment, "How can they lie like that? How are they able to justify in their own mind any behavior, no matter how excessive?" This is because they are able to make up the truth to suit themselves and then passionately believe the story they made up. They can be very convincing because they themselves are convinced!"


I hope with all my heart that this information is shocking and brand new information.  Sadly, I have a feeling that many more of us were nodding along and connecting with what you read.  My heart goes out to you all.  I don't have any solutions for you, I do have a few things that help us deal.  One is a phrase that Tim learned and repeats to me often, "Control the controllables".   As difficult as it is to swallow and accept, we cannot control every situation in our life.  If the situation is out of our control, we cannot let it consume us or break us.   The second piece of advice is to pray and pray often.  It may seem like that is the same as doing nothing to some of you.  For me, giving it to God is the only way I can move forward and get up each morning.  I have to remember that sometimes the path God is working on is not my path.  I need to get out of his way and let him do his work.  While being patient I pray for understanding, patience, and I pray for those who have hurt us and are hurting.  Praying for those that you need to forgive is the best way to move towards forgiveness.  It may not help them, but I can guarantee that it can help you.  Lastly, talk to someone.  Don't bottle your hurt and frustration inside.  You are not alone.

Best of luck to all of you divorced moms and dads dealing with an alienator, you are in our thoughts and prayers.

Horses- when instead of being the therapy, they cause you to need it

As anyone who has horses can attest, they are the best therapy anyone can ask for.  It doesn’t matter how bad my day can be, once I get to the barn and spend time with my horses, my mood instantly improves.  Even just cleaning stalls and petting them  is good for the soul.  But, also as anyone who has horses can agree, sometimes they aren’t the therapy but are the reason we need it.  Sometimes they are the ones causing the anxiety.  Not gonna lie- the past few weeks mine have been trying to send me into full on panic attack.

It all started with a possum attack.  Okay- maybe “attack” is a strong word.  It all started with an oppossum in the pasture.  I got a message from Libby one afternoon that there was an oppossum along the fence line and of course my horses had to go investigate.  Not only investigate, but several of them managed to get bit or scratched on their faces because they aren’t smart enough not to stick their faces where they don’t belong.  And you would think after the first one, they would figure it out.  Oh no- one after the other they had to stick their faces down at the possum.  Cant you just imagine how that conversation went? 

China: “What the hell is that thing?”

Peach: “I don’t know, let’s check it out.”

Sully: “I’ll smell it.” Jerking back suddenly, “sonofabitch- it bit me!” 

China: “oh no he didn’t.  I’ll show him.  God damn it, it bit me too!”  

Kenya: “I’m out of here- that thing is mean.”

Peach: “No seriously, I got this.   I’m sure you guys aren’t intimidating-ow! WTF!” 

(Yeah- so I’m not a big fan of this “fact” meme right now...)

Anyway- Libby messages that the possum is just hanging out along the fence line and our horses have been bit or scratched.  Warning bells go off and I call our vet who recommends dispatching the possum so we can send it in for rabies testing.  I don’t own a gun (or care to shoot one), there is no gun at the barn and the Olmsted County dispatch wasn’t interested in sending someone to help out with possum patrol either.  What to do?  Lynelle to the rescue.  Armed with a pitchfork she went all medival gangster on the critter and ended his life.  

I arrived at the barn with my box and together we peeled it off the tines and bagged it.  Then we put it in the box because I had this very real fear that this thing was just playing dead and I would be driving to the vet clinic at 55 mph with a rabid possum wreaking havoc in my Traverse.  And of course in my mind, it would be coming for me. 

I delivered my prize to the vet clinic and waited anxiously by the phone for several days to hear the results.  We monitored the horses for change in behavior but obviously they are already neurologically challenged since they didn’t know enough to keep their faces where they belong.  After several anxiety ridden days (that were only slightly reassured by everything I read that said possums are rarely rabid and very nearly immune to rabies), we got the call that the specimen was negative.  Hallelujah! 

We no more got that reassurance when we started to notice a change in behavior in Kenya.  At first she wasn’t super interested in her grain.  I wrote it off as spring time funk.  She was drinking less,  but I assumed she was drinking more outside during the day since there were literally puddles everywhere.  Then she stopped finishing her hay bag, but again- I wrote it off as eating more during the day and maybe just not as hungry at night.  Then I spent some time riding her.  I noticed she had lost weight, which I wrote off as a growth spurt, but upon lunging and getting her ready for riding she was uncharacteristicly calm and quiet.  While I wanted to believe she was just growing up and turning into her sister about things, when she didn’t touch her grain or water that evening I knew it wasn’t good.

Our trusty vet came the next day and discovered that she had a definite wheeze to her breathing and crappy sounding lungs, even though she had not coughed or had a runny nose, we put her on antibiotics and waited for the blood work.  The blood work showed that she had an infection, but worse- her body wasn’t trying to fight it on its own.  She had less white blood cells than normal, no fever and lower than normal count of something else that I’m not 100% sure what it was called.

The next day she was worse yet.  Still not eating or drinking and extremely lethargic- even acting beat down, just standing listlessly in the corner of her stall.  The vet started her on IV antibiotics, pain meds and something to help with the dehydration and we waited and prayed.  Thank you to all who prayed because the next day we still didn’t see an improvement. This was the point where I started to fear for the worst.  The cost of the daily vet visits was freaking me out, but now the vet’s bigger fear was the infection, lack of food and dehydration leading to the “c word”, colic. I asked for prayers and my friends and family didn’t have to be asked twice. 

Our prayers were answered the next day when she started to perk up and began eating and drinking again.  We gave her all the hay she could eat and buckets full of water.  Another day passed and her appetite was back in force.  By the following day she was back to nickering for her grain and emptying her hay bag.  She was also a bucking, farting happy mess in the round pen and later on the lungeline.  I’m sure my bank account is going to feel a little sick after all the vet calls and visits lately, but thankfully- our horses are all happy and healthy again.  Let’s hope they keep it that way! 

Walk up or walk out

This seems to be the great debate raging across social media the past couple of days.  There was a viral meme that was shared and in a quick reaction, I read it once, thought it sounded great and shared it.  But something was nagging at the back of my mind that I just couldn't put my finger on.  Mostly because in my heart of hearts, I felt students should be walking out if they felt the need and mostly because I was so darn proud of my daughter for wanting her voice to be heard.

As I've said since the beginning of this movement, we adults can't have it both ways.  We go around whining and stomping our feet about the entitlement generation and how they don't care about anything but themselves.  We say that they are stuck in video games and taking selfies.  We complain that they don't care about their country and the world they live in.  And then... then there is a mass tragedy and the people that are spearheading a movement for change are silenced by adults.  They are made fun of.  They are told it is their fault for not being nicer to the lonely kids.  They are told they are just kids and don't understand.  Basically they are told to go back to their classrooms, video games and cell phones and shut up about it, don't have an opinion.  Except when they go back to those places, they live in real fear of being shot and they aren't willing to take that sitting down.

I'll admit I shared this teacher's idea for her sixth graders on Wednesday morning.

I still don't think it is a bad idea.  It's a pretty darn fantastic idea actually.  I've seen other great ideas floating around the internet as well.  In one school they gave each of the students 17 post it notes and told them to write something positive about a person and put it on their locker.  The person who shared the idea said they were so proud of their students as they made sure that every single locker had a post it note on it and they kept it all positive.  These are all great ideas.  We, as teachers, parents, and staff in education, need to keep promoting class and school climate.  We need to teach our students about kindness and acceptance.  We need to preach tolerance and smother hate.

But there is something that the #walkupnotout idea got 100% wrong.  The idea that all these school shootings could have been prevented if kids were nicer is wrong.  It's victim shaming and it is wrong.  It is wrong to place the blame for school shootings on kids who are just trying to make it during some of the most trying times of their lives and it is wrong to assume that all of these shooters were bullied, even those that later claim that as their reason.  (Read the article below for a deeper explanation.)  I was bullied as a kid, sometimes quite excessively.  I was made to feel like garbage, like a lesser human being, like no one liked me.  Did I ever, at any time, want to pick up a weapon and kill my classmates?  Teachers?  Everyone?  Never crossed my mind.  I can list other friends of mine that were bullied and with reasonable certainty say that none of them were a threat to any of us either.   What the #walkupnotout idea also misses is that these students are mentally ill. 

Think about your own kids.  How many of you have taught your children to play nice, share, treat others the way you want to be treated, etc...?   Did you tell your child to include everyone?  Reach out to the lonely kid?  I did.  I knew my daughter's class well.  There was a student who was lonely and I felt for her.  I told my daughter she should invite that student into her circle of friends.  I told her to include her and listen to her and she might learn something from her.  And then, when they were older and in middle school, that other student almost stabbed my daughter in the eye with a pencil.  Yeah, having that situation changed me a little.  I still preach to my kids to be accepting and kind.  I still preach that we shouldn't judge others and we don't know what is going on in other's lives.  But I also tell them that if they don't feel safe or comfortable around a schoolmate, they DO NOT HAVE TO BE THEIR FRIEND.  Our kids do not owe anyone friendship because they are afraid of them. 
Working in the school system for the past 20 years there have been several students, maybe 5 - 8, that I have literally been afraid of; afraid they may hit me, vandalize my belongings, blow something up, etc...  These aren't misunderstood lonely kids.  These are kids with visible signs of mental illness, and no, I wouldn't have let either of my daughters befriend these students.  These are the kinds of students that become school shooters.  There is so much more than just lonely or bullied.

I think the final issue I have with #walkupnotout is that this isn't an either/or/one stop solution kind of problem.  There are so many petals to this flower, facets to this gem, fries in this Happy Meal or whatever other analogy you want to use.  Could students be nicer and could there be less bullying?  Yep  Should students learn how to deal with bullying as they will face variations of it their entire lives?  Yep   Should there be more widespread gun control?  Yep    Should mental illness be identified and treated at a younger age and more frequently?  Yep    Should schools have better and more strict safety measures in place?  Yep  Should there be less violence in video games and TV?  Yep    Should parents keep a closer eye on their own kids and their screen time?  Yep    Do parents need to return to family values and religious beliefs?  Maybe   I could go on, couldn't I?  And I bet you could add to this list with things I haven't even thought of.  We all need to be working together.

Lastly, check yourself.  I literally cannot believe the people I see on my social media accounts that are blaming the kids for these school shootings.  I can't believe the number of them that were the same people sharing racist jokes, complaining about liberals, calling me a snowflake, saying anyone who disagreed with them was a pussy, saying how when they were a kid they just sucked it up, etc....  Yet - it is kids' fault when a school mate goes off on a shooting rampage because THEY should have been nicer.  When we wonder where our kids get their judgmental, racist, name calling behavior, let's look in the mirror before we look at their video games.

So yes, my daughter did walk out the other day.  I'm proud of her.  I'm proud of her for keeping this issue on the forefront of people's minds.  I'm proud of her for remembering and caring about students like her that are suffering the loss of their friends and classmates.   I'm proud of her for wanting her country to get better and doing something about it.  I'm proud of her for being a voice for the victims.   Change isn't going to happen on it's own.  We have to demand change and keep pushing to make sure it happens. 


Here's an interesting article discrediting the "bullied loner" school shooter theory: Click Here

Article on why teaching up not out is wrong: Click Here

From: The Progressive Parent on Facebook: 
Your child does not owe someone a friendship based on fear. No one does. 

“Nope. You can get 100% the fuck out of my face with this bullshit. 

You do not get to try to reclaim a movement run by children that they shouldn’t have had to organize in the first place. That was our job and we fucking failed them. 

You don’t like how they are protesting being shot? And your solution is make friends with someone who literally frightened professionals?!?! Many of these shooters didn’t need friends, they needed profound psychological intervention.

You do not get to imply that school shootings would be obsolete if only ANOTHER CHILD was nicer to a shooter. You do not get to victim blame survivors asking them if they could have just done more.

YOU WILL NOT BLAME A CHILD FOR BEING SHOT.

You do not get to tell front line soldiers how to better wage their battles from the safety of your seat in the back.

Your child does not owe someone a friendship based on FEAR.

Again — your child does NOT owe someone a friendship based on FEAR.

Should we strive for inclusion? DUH! But some of these friends are terrifying. We want to assign mental health care to a middle or high school student?

As an adult, if you want to befriend a lonely student—Awesome. Volunteer. Call a local school and ask how you can be a mentor. Call a local after school program and volunteer your time. Call a homeless shelter ask how you can serve this at-risk population.

But if you’re not front line battling back against violence in schools with these kids, kindly keep your sanctimonious empty “walk up” propaganda to yourself and support your kids’ first amendment right to politely ask that they stop getting shot.

You don’t have to like this movement. Because this is no longer about you. It’s about them and they are handling this shit because we couldn’t or wouldn’t.” - Meghan Burns #teammeghan 

The games we play...

My students and I got off topic (shocking I know) today and we were discussing the games we play while driving down the road.   They were describing the usual license plate game (where you try to find different states) and then the other common game, the alphabet game which is where you have to find each letter in the alphabet (in order) in road signs as you drive along.  It can go rather quickly until you get to tougher letters like G and Q. 

Another game our family plays is watching for wildlife.  This is one that Tim and his kids taught us.  It sounds so sweet and nice, "look for deer little ones".  Instead it is more of a race to see who can find wildlife first and a claim of "I already counted those" screamed out from the back seat.  Basically if you see say a small herd of deer you say "6 deer".  If there are 6 deer you get six points.  If there are only 5 you lose a point or something?   If there are 10, someone else can claim the other 4.  And roadkill counts, ie "roadkill raccoon".  But cows don't (or other farm animals).  Don't even try farm animals. I've tried arguing that loose farm animals should count as wildlife, apparently they don't.  Lately there have been so many turkey and deer in giant clusters that this has been an easy game to rack up the points which no one ever really keeps track of and there is no prize for having the most anyway. 

Another game is counting silos on your side of the road.  But this gets tricky when you start counting silos that you can see in the distance and who knows what side of the road they will really be on when you get there.  I mean, because it is super important and the points count in that game?  Oh wait - they never truly do. 

What got us talking about roadside games you ask?  Well, you must know what time of year it is?  March Madness people!  To many 10 year old boys, and some of the girls too, this is a pretty exciting time.  My coworker thinks so too and today all of the students got to draw numbers and choose teams.  This morning I also completed a bracket.  Not because I know anything or care, but because, you guessed it, our family is holding a contest.  So I reluctantly filled out my bracket. 

Now being as I know nothing about basketball I used a highly scientific method of choosing teams.  I went through and chose teams based off of several criteria:
1. I had actually heard of the college before 
2. I had visited the state   
3. The word sounded "horsey" (Buck for Bucknell sounded horsey - apparently this was a "bold" choice.)   

4.  Lastly - if it just sounded cool.  Villanova sounded like a science fiction action hero.  (Villanova sliced through the android with his light saber.)  They were my top pick.    My students claim this was a good choice.  We shall see I guess. 

Apparently the first prize in this contest at our house is the joy of winning, so you would think I wouldn't be highly motivated to win.  But then, you wouldn't know me at all.  I'm a tad bit competitive so bring it on.  After all, I did write "Melissa's winning Bracket" across the top of my bracket.  It's pretty serious.

Co-parenting - apparently it is a tough subject

Co-parenting.  Who knew that would be such a tough concept for so many people to figure out?  Let's be clear about something right off the bat.  Divorce is not excessively harmful to children.  What is harmful are the days, months, years of bitter ex's battling it out over every. little. thing. endlessly.  And a word that gets thrown back and forth?  Co-parenting.

Here's what I learned about co-parenting.  How did I learn it you ask?  Well, let's see.  First I researched the effects of divorce on kids BEFORE I got divorced.  Through that research I learned exactly what I said above.  So my goal was to have an effective co-parenting relationship.  Second, after filing for divorce, I immediately took the parenting class that I thought would be required by the state.  (Unfortunately our divorce went through without it and my ex-husband refused to take the class.  We might have avoided some of the troubles we have had and saved our girls loads of hurtful memories had he approached the situation differently.)  Third, in an effort to repair our relationship post divorce I was in therapy and one of the things my therapist and I discussed frequently was co-parenting, how to make it work and what to do when you can't.  He helped me let go of the guilt I had that I wasn't able to be a co-parent with my ex.   Fourth, I have read oodles on the subject; books, websites, webinars, you name it.  Why this vast and overwhelming interest in co-parenting?  I care about my kids.  I love my kids.  I want the best for my kids.  I would do anything for my kids.

So I get it.  At least I have an understanding of what co-parenting is, what it looks like, why it is important, and how to accomplish it.  However, there are far more people who throw out the phrase co-parenting to make themselves look like the better parent than those who actually practice the concept.  So let's break it down super simply for those who don't get it and I'll share some of my favorite quick resources for further reading for those that want to learn more about it.

First of all, let's break down the word.  The co in co-parent is for cooperative which = working together.  Parenting obviously means the raising of your child(ren).  Therefore, co-parenting is WORKING TOGETHER TO RAISE YOUR CHILD(REN).  Working together.  Despite any residual anger, bitterness, hurt, or even love you may feel towards your ex, you work together to parent your children for the good of that child.  This means having conversations.  Long drawn out conversations where you discuss how you want to raise your kids and come to an agreement.  After coming to this agreement, you then work together and support each other as you move forward.  Sound tough?  Check out this list of crucial conversations that would be a part of co-parenting early in your divorce.

Even if you and your ex had these conversations prior to your divorce, it is vital that you have them again.  Don't expect things to stay the same after.  They won't and you will absolutely be tempted to be the "Disney Dad (or mom)" and go back on things like rules, chores, allowances, etc...   Co-parenting after divorce is not parenting your way and parenting my way.  This is parenting THEIR way, as in "What is best for OUR children?"  As I read somewhere, you chose to have children with this person.  That is not a "until we get divorced" kind of decision.  When you bring children into the world with someone else, it is a "forever" kind of decision.  

After coming up with the plan for parenting your children, you need to stick to it.  That means if you agreed that bed time would be at 9:00 pm, then you make sure your children are in bed at 9:00 pm.   If you agreed that screen time would be limited to an hour a day, then you don't allow the child to have 2 hours because they put up a fuss about turning off the iPad and you don't want to be the bad guy.  Of course your children will grow and change and with that your expectations should grow and change as well.  If you feel something needs to change, you go back to the child's other parent and you discuss the expectations again and you decide on those expectations TOGETHER. 

While sticking to the expectations at your house you also have to be supportive of your ex and their parenting at their house.  Make the hairs on the back of your neck stand up, did I?  You heard me right.  When your child is spending time with their other parent and they text you to complain about dad or mom, guess what you do.  You don't say, "I'll talk to him" or "How dare he?"  Instead you say something like, "I'm sorry you feel he/she is being unfair.  Should we all sit down together and talk about it?"  Let me explain how this works.  One - your child realizes that you and your ex are working TOGETHER to raise them.  Two - your child realizes that "shit" he isn't going to get away with it.   Three - your ex will support YOU the next time your kids are mad at YOU for something you made them do.  That day will come, I promise you.  

Notice a theme here?  Discuss.  Together.  Agree.   If you're stuttering and stammering and shaking your head, I'm not surprised.  Co-parenting is really hard and requires a ton of self sacrifice for the sake of your kids.  It requires you to act like an adult and play nice.  A lot (maybe most) divorced couples cannot accomplish this feat.  But think of the benefits to the most important people in your world if you could!  Isn't it worth a try?  

But... but... right.  I get it.  I've lived it and seen it.  Sometimes we cannot co-parent.  Maybe the ex was abusive in some way and you have to protect yourself, and your kids, from that in the future.  Maybe divorce was the only way you can free yourself from a controlling, manipulative person who then turns your divorce into a game he or she needs to win, usually using the kids as a weapon or pawn.  Co-parenting is not for you.  Sometimes we have to choose parallel parenting.   In the other resources below you will find a great article on the difference between co-parenting and parallel parenting.  You have to do the best you can to find the most workable solution for your children.  

For those of you who like to throw the phrase "co-parenting" around, check to be sure you're actually attempting to be a co-parent.  If you're not sure....

Co-Parenting is NOT:

*One parent telling the other parent what they need to do and then sitting back and waiting for them to do as they say. 

*One parent making the decision and expecting the other parent to agree.

*Trying to turn the child against the other parent or pointing out when the other parent makes a mistake.

*Skipping rules or consequences for the children so your house will be the "fun" house.

*Buying the children's love through gifts, big ticket items or vacations.

*Telling the children that "you would never make them do this or that" to make the other parent look bad.

*Telling the children why you got divorced or reasons why you don't like your ex.

*Making fun or your ex.

*Saying that you would let them but the other parent said no.

*Being passive aggressive or sarcastic - (If sarcasm is your usual method of communication with the world, fix you because you suck. Learn to be an adult and be polite and respectful to those around you.)

Co-parenting is:
*Sit down conversations with your ex.  Stop texting and emailing and give each other a call or sit down and hash it out.  Much less chance for miscommunication.

*Checking your own hurt, anger and insecurities at the door for you kids' sake.

*Coming to an agreement on a plan and STICKING TO IT.

*Asking your ex for advice, support or ideas.  (Gulp - admit you don't know it all or have it all covered.)

*Keeping your mouth shut and only talking about your ex in a positive manner in front of the kids.  You want to badmouth them?  Go out for drinks with your friends.

*Supporting your ex and their parenting decisions.

Still think you and your ex can do this co-parenting thing?  YAY!  I wish you all the support and the best.  You can do it!  Keep putting those kids first and keep researching how to make it work.  If you read the blog and are feeling frustrated, no fear.  There are pages and pages of advice for you as well.  Please see a couple at the bottom of this page and good luck as well.  

Feel free to click on these other great resources:
Co-Parenting Success

Co-parenting vs Parallel Parenting

5 Co-parenting tips

Co-parenting with a narcissist

She's an appaloosa I tell you! (And voting!)

It's just starting to sink in that China has some fans.  Maybe it is because I never stop talking about her and posting pictures about her.  Maybe it is because *knocks on wood* she is usually such a good girl in the ring.  Maybe it is because she is one of the very few cuddly mares I have ever met.  She LOVES people and she thinks everyone wants her big old head in their face, chest or lap.  Don't start scratching her or loving up on her, because she will not quit. (Ask anyone that touched her this weekend and ended up with a 1000 lb puppy in their face.)  Whichever factor it is, China is starting to get a few folks who think she is pretty cool.  Besides me that is.  Last weekend I had several come up to me and tell me how much they enjoyed our rides, or that she was their favorite in the class, or one commented that we should keep doing what we are doing because she looked so good.  Guess what they were all shocked to find out?  She's an appaloosa.

I wish with all my heart that she had the typical appaloosa look to her.  Not because I need to have color to love her.  I am not gonna lie - I like not having to get white spots white at shows.  She's an easy keeper that way.  But I wish she could be a better ambassador for a breed that gets a bum rap in our part of the country.  As you probably remember from my Crazy Appaloosa blog, there are some really wrong ideas about appaloosas here.  It's to the point where even a friend of mine who also loves apps commented that since she is into buying and reselling she has to stay away from appaloosas.  They are a "hard sell".  It makes me incredibly sad.  I'd give anything to wipe the look of horror and disbelief out of people's eyes when I tell them she's an appaloosa.  I wish I could change the general consensus and get people to realize that the modern appaloosa is as even tempered, pretty and talented as any quarter horse or paint horse in the pen.  I want, more than anything, for China to start changing people's minds about appaloosas.  But the problem is, she doesn't look like one.

Last year a fellow competitor aboard an appaloosa and friend took it as his personal mission to let everyone in hearing distance know she was an app.  When we would come out of a class after placing he would say, "good job with your appaloosa - that's right she's an appaloosa" to everyone within hearing distance.  He threatened to make me wear a sign.  He loves the breed as much as I do I guess.  However, that isn't the most effective way of getting the word out.  So what's the plan B?

I want a coat.  I want a coat I can wear during warm up and any time I'm out and about.  Maybe top the coat off with a hat.  On this coat (and hat) would be some kind of graphic or outline of an appaloosa horse and her name in big letters.... Maid of Copper.  But also on this coat would be something about appaloosas.  Some way of TELLING people she is an app.  The printer I talked to told me that Appaloosa Horse Club is copyrighted (that makes sense).  So we have to get more creative.  I suggested "Love my appaloosa" but Libby says that's too cheesy.  So I have a couple other options, see the list below and feel free to comment your vote or offer other suggestions.

"Love my appaloosa"
"Ride an appaloosa"
"I've got an app for that."
"Put your ass on some class, ride an appaloosa" (Libby says no to this one - she's no fun.)
"Appy butts drive me nuts"
"Appy mom"
"The only app I need"

Show Weekend update: MEC March 10-11

First show of the year, first show update!  We only have 6 show weekends planned for both Libby and I this year so you won't have to put up with so many of these blogs filling up your newsfeed.  But I love having a place where everything I want to remember about the weekend is kept in the same place.  So bare with me or click yourself on by.
I absolutely adore my horse.  I'm sure that's brand new information to anyone who follows this blog.  Even when she worries me, she ends up stepping up and coming through.  And she had me worried on Friday night.  My calm, sweet China would not/could not settle down and settle in to the show situation.  Every horse that rode by us in the warm up, or worse, met us was a reason to spook, shudder and jump.  She was beside herself and so scared.  Not at all like the China I know and love.  Eventually she settled down a little but still had her random jumpy moments.  I decided that more warm up wasn't doing either of us any good and we gave it up for the night in order to wash, band and clip.  Maybe I should say hack away at winter fuzz, because honestly - the hack job that I managed can't exactly be called "clipping".


We started with showmanship.  China and I have a lot of work to do.  Many of you know this one class can cause me so much anxiety.  It's completely dumb.  I'm on the ground for Pete's sake.  What is the worst that can happen; I fall down?  I do that on a regular basis and have survived so far.   Despite the overwhelming anxiety and dry mouth, would you believe we actually pulled out a pattern?  Complete with set ups, pivots, trot offs, stops, etc...  I'm so proud of her and our 5th place.  We did it again on Sunday.  I could not get her to set up square at the first cone (cue the friend who once told me there wasn't enough vodka in the world to teach my horse at the time to set up).  She kept resting her back leg, but the rest of the pattern I was super proud of her.  We squeaked out a sixth.  My goal for the next show is showmanship.  I want to work harder, practice longer, learn more and get better.  Be ready for some serious hard work China!  Libby and Peach also have some work to do in showmanship but Sunday was loads better than Saturday.  Horses have a way of showing you what you need to work on and not letting you skate by without practicing.  I believe Libby has something she needs to be hitting a little harder from now on too!

English is something that I consider China's strong suit.  We got a second and a first in English pleasure.  I was a little disappointed with our ride on Saturday.  She was still kind of revved up and just couldn't settle into any kind of consistency.  But Sunday was better - even if she was a little more tired and less forward.  I kind of fell apart for the rail version of English equitation on Saturday - I kept expecting her to misbehave or spook and did not ride well.  We took a 4th on Saturday, but Sunday was a pattern!  YAY!  China rocked that pattern and we got a first.   Our patterns were crap though compared to Libby.  She makes it look so easy (I hate her a little bit).  She and Peach took home two second place finishes in English equitation and had beautiful rides (but no placings) in English pleasure.  Talk about little pony that could.  I love seeing Libby on my pony in a giant class of quarter horses and paints. 



Western is so much fun.  I love English but I love to watch and ride western way more.  I love ogling all the pretty outfits, shiny saddles and pretty horses.  Even though China isn't a "western" horse, we do our best impression of it.  Saturday we took home a 4th and Sunday we tried something new.  I finally worked up the courage to try out a bosal in a class.  China was amazing.  I could not have been happier with our ride and I am so proud of my China doll.  We got a 3rd in the class and I have no complaints about that.  About the biggest issue we had was when I got over excited and told China she was a good girl, which by the way is our cue to slow down.  We almost had a break in gait before I realized my mistake.  We also had great rides in horsemanship.  Saturday was rail work and Sunday we had a simple pattern.  Again China knocked that pattern out of the park and I got a second.  Libby and Peach had more great rides and Libby just needs to work on trusting Peach a bit more in pattern work and they will be placing.  She expected Peach to get the wrong lead and went to correct her before realizing, hey - she got it right on the first try!

The days finished up with bareback and egg and spoon.  I'm not gonna lie - I was still a little nervous for bareback on Saturday despite the fact that China has been a gem all day.  She continued to be a rockstar and I was shocked to get a first in that class.  We had another great ride on Sunday and took home a second.  I'm always so excited about placings in bareback as I kind of sort of feel like I am completely at the will of the bareback gods for that one.  If China ever decided to be an idiot, I'd be an arena dart for sure.  Libby never ceases to amaze me with her seat in bareback and got a 5th and a 3rd. 

Finally China and I tried egg and spoon.  Like usual I really struggled with the whole balance an egg thing and only managed to squeak out a 6th on Sunday.   I think I always get the biggest egg and the smallest spoon.  No lie!  It's a conspiracy!  Also as usual, Libby did her rock star egg and spoon thing and got a second on Saturday and took home the first on Sunday.  But the real rock star of egg and spoon on Sunday was our friend, Gabby.  She was on the barn's 3 year old that is still just getting started.  It came down to the last two riders and the call came to put the spoon with the egg in your rein hand and extended jog.  Gabby even announced to the crowd that she would not have steering at that point and off they went on the rail.  I will never forget Gucci as she cruised (aka flew) along on the rail, never leaving it's side and they lasted almost a whole lap around the arena.  Seriously people, they were flying.  If there is such a thing as "road gait" for a western pleasure horse, Gucci was in it.   They may not have won - but that image will forever be a win in my memories.


There isn't enough room on my blog to record all the funny moments, the laughs, the hugs, or the people we have missed all winter long.  It was so great to see them again.  We talked about food, horses, show clothes, memories, you name it and laughed more than I have in a long time.  Nothing beats the look of complete terror on Lynelle's face when we told her that her class was going in and she wasn't even ready yet.  That's what you get for being a procrastinator!   I can't wait for the next show and the chance to see them all again.  Thank you to our stall mates Dawn and Greg Bauer and Lynelle and Gabby for your endless advice and support all weekend.  I don't know what we would do without you guys.  Especially Greg and Gabby who competed with me all weekend in senior walk/trot.  I refuse to say competed AGAINST me, because even if we are in the same class, we are still a team.  I'm so proud of China, Peach, Libby and I for our efforts and look ahead to moving forward better, smarter and stronger for the next one.  See you in April! 

Relationship advice from someone who shouldn't give any...

So I've been thinking about relationships quite a bit the past few days due to friends that are going through similar struggles of endings and beginnings that I have in the past.  These friends have come to me for advice which I am admittedly not so good at.  So basically I just tell them what I have learned, be it good or bad and hope and pray for the best for them.

Stop arguing with yourself.  I spent way too many years fighting my gut.  I knew things felt wrong and were wrong.  I tried to rationalize and make them okay.  I told myself that what I wanted couldn't possibly be achievable so I had to learn to be happy with what I had.  I told myself I had made poor decisions in the past so I couldn't trust my gut.  I told myself a million lies which led to me arguing with what I knew to be true.  I didn't trust myself, I didn't trust my gut and that led to a whole host of problems.  Fighting myself is what led to sleepless nights, anxiety and depression.  When you stop fighting what you know in your heart and make that decision, the weight physically, mentally and spiritually lifts.  Which leads me to the next point.

Love yourself.  So many times we enter into relationships hoping it will make us happy.  A relationship cannot make you happy.  A relationship will not work if you don't love yourself first.  Do not put your self worth, your happiness, in someone else's hands.  I know that I left my marriage with a lot of self-hate, guilt, and self confidence issues.  The next guy down the road was able to exploit those, at first telling me all the things about myself I had been missing to suck me into a relationship and then slowly using those doubts and fears against me.  Not only did he convince me that I wasn't good looking enough, thin enough,  or smart enough, he added crazy to the mix.  Through therapy I learned that I didn't need someone to tell me I was smart or pretty or capable.  I didn't believe what I was being told anymore because I believed in myself.  I believed that there were good things about myself.  Until you love yourself, no amount of someone else telling you so will make it true for you. (Not that it isn't nice to hear.)

Be able to be alone.  I was convinced I wasn't good enough or smart enough to be by myself.  I was convinced that I needed someone to take care of me.  I had no faith in the fact that not only could I be alone, but it maybe would be better for me.  I thought that any relationship, no matter how twisted and sad, was better than being alone.  Through therapy, I found that strength.   I remember Frank asking, "What's the worst that can happen?"  My response was that I would be alone.  His response, "and that would be bad, how?"  He taught me that it wouldn't be bad at all.  In fact, it could be pretty great.  I learned that I was worthy of being treated right.  I was good enough, smart enough and capable.  I learned I could be on my own and I didn't have to fear that.  When I walked away from that second relationship, I had every intention of being alone and I was excited and happy to do just that.  Realizing I could be alone was the first step to being able to be in a relationship.

Put yourself first in order to be the best you.  Some of us have a hard time putting ourselves first.  We are worrying constantly about being a better mom, wife, family member or worker.  We think that self care comes last, after we have cared for everyone else.  What we don't realize is that by short changing ourselves, we are really short changing everyone else.  When we don't take care of ourselves we take that out on everyone and everything that comes into contact with us.  Let me explain.  I often said that I didn't have time for girls night out or even working out because my kids were in activities, or I needed to make supper.  Here's the truth.  Your kids will be okay if you miss one game, or if they don't get to have a birthday party decorated like a 2 page spread in Better Homes and Garden, or if they have cereal for supper.  You will not scar them for life, but you will start chipping away at yourself if you don't put yourself first.  I know that the more things I skipped for myself, the less time I made for me; the angrier, shorter tempered, less patient, sadder and more anxious I became.  You need to take care of you to be the best you that you can be.

Bad decisions aren't the end.  There is an episode of Friends (THE best show of all time) where Rachel decides she makes horrible decisions and tells Monica she gets to make all of her decisions from there on.  It is hilarious, but really - how many of us haven't felt like we can't make a decent decision to save our souls?  I've had more than my fair share, but that doesn't mean I'm not capable of making decisions and I shouldn't be making decisions for myself.  There was a period of time in my life where I had no confidence in my ability to do so and that is not a fun place to be.  My advice - making a bad decision isn't the end.  Making two or three bad decisions isn't the end.  Learn from them, work to make that bad decision better and move on.  Do not look back and beat yourself up over it.  You are no longer the same person you were when you made that decision.  And do not allow others to question your decisions, make you feel guilty about your decisions or make you feel like you can't make your own decisions.  No one can take that away from you! 

As the title says, that's my relationship advice but take it with a grain of salt.  I'm certainly no expert and I have done my share of failing at relationships.   Hopefully I learned a few things along the way and if I can help one person out there learn from my mistakes, then maybe they weren't such "mistakes" after all.  

Shameless bragging about my kid

So, if you don't want to read some hideously annoying, shameless bragging about my Sophie, you might want to turn away from this post.  I am awfully proud of the little bugger and today I stumbled across a meme that made me think of her.  It also reminded me that I post an awful lot about Libby and horses, but not nearly enough about Sophie and how she makes me proud, so let me just tell you something....

Sophie is amazing.  Let's start with athletic ability.  I don't know where she gets it.  Her dad played sports but even he admitted he wasn't speedy.  Sophie is.  What she lacks in height she makes up for in speed.  She will never be the tallest girl on the court, field or track, but she doesn't let height be a limitation for her.  She just works harder and moves faster.

Now, as you all know, I'm no athlete and I didn't play your typical sports in high school.  My basketball "career" ended abruptly in 8th grade when I suffered a broken wrist.  My softball career lasted all of a season and a half when I realized that starting in right field was a sign that my team was probably better off without me.  Some of us aren't meant to be athletes, every team needs a stat girl right?  I did discover that I could throw people.  Being a farm girl had it's benefits I guess.  Combine the ability to throw someone with rhythm and a few dance moves and you get a cheerleader.  (Cheerleading is to a sport.)  But what I can do pales in comparison to watching Sophie take on any sport she attempts.

Ask her what her favorite sport is and she will tell you volleyball.  She plays volleyball from August to May between "school ball" and "JO".  For those who haven't experienced the joy of all day, all weekend long JO tournaments, it is a "junior olympic" team.  I never played volleyball.  I know virtually nothing about how to play volleyball.  But I've watched a LOT of volleyball, so I'm kind of an expert.  Really.  I know all kinds of terms and half the time use them correctly.  So I feel completely qualified to say, Sophie is awesome.  I love watching her serve.  I love watching her hit.  And I love how much hustle she has.  There is something that can't be coached into a competitor - the drive to win.  Sophie has that and then some.  She took to volleyball like, as they say, a duck to water.  I can't wait to watch her as she gets better and better.  This past weekend she was MVP of the gold division at a JO tournament in Kasson for the 14U division.  I wish I had been there to see it, but I probably would have embarrassed her by crying.  I do that when she makes me proud.  A lot.

I think my favorite sport to watch Sophie play is basketball.  I can't believe that basketball season is over already this year.  The better the girls play, the more I enjoy watching them.  This year they really started putting some things together and I couldn't imagine a better way to spend Tuesday and Thursday nights.  There was one night when the ref even commented to me as I stood at the end of the court taking pictures, that number 30 was on fire.  (The ref may have been her step dad but still....)  I think that night she scored 23 points.  She had over 200 points for the season, but that isn't what I love most about watching Sophie play.  I love watching Soph play defense.  She gets a lot of steals and she is always, always going for the ball.  She plays almost the entire game so there are games she gets a little tired, but it is so worth it.  She also is very aware of the court.  Being that she gets a lot of steals and that she plays point guard, she is bringing the ball up the court a lot.  She is always looking to see who is open, which teammate has the best chance at scoring for her team and giving others the opportunity to take the shot.  I love that she's a team player.  I cannot even explain how proud of her that makes me.

On the way home from games, basketball and volleyball, Sophie loves to talk about her teammates.  She loves to talk about which player had a great game, how this or that player had a cool basket or awesome block.  She talks about how her teammate is improving or said something funny.  She talks about how she hopes this teammate makes their goal or that teammate is such a nice person.  And don't talk bad about her teammates; she will shut you down.  She will remind you that they are trying or that they are new to the game.  She does have her moments of frustration, but 99% of the time, they are with herself.  I have never seen someone as hard on themselves as Sophie.  She takes each match, game, tournament as her personal duty to bring her team to victory.  Sometimes so much so that I have to remind her that she cannot do it all.

But it doesn't stop at basketball and volleyball.  Sophie has played softball since she was in 3rd grade.  Oh my goodness, those first couple of years were so darn cute.  I love watching softball.  Maybe it is because of my time as an outfielder.  I have a few softball memories and actually know a little about that game.  Plus I love that most of the time it was summer league so the weather was nice and it was time outside.  I love the crack of the bat, watching her stare down a runner on third (as catcher) and watching her steal bases.  Dang that girl can run.  About the only thing I didn't love watching was her pitching.  Not because it wasn't great pitching - she was/is a pretty darn good little pitcher.  But when Sophie pitches, she takes all the responsibility for the game on her little shoulders.  She puts way too much pressure on herself to pitch strikes every time.  Sadly, Sophie has decided that she's not going out for summer softball any more.  No more sunflower seeds and sunshine for these folks.  Judging from the texts, emails and phone calls, I'm guessing her coaches are bummed Sophie isn't going out this year too.

Lastly, Sophie participates in track.  I'd say she runs track, and she does do sprints, but her passion is pole vaulting.  She wants to try a new event this year and try the triple jump too.  My favorite to watch her in, other than the pole vault, is the mile.  She claims she hates distance running, but this kid runs with all heart.  There was a varsity meet where Tim threw her in the mile.  When she crossed the finish line in second place, I was so proud I teared up (shocking).  As she came by I told her how awesome she did and her response, "That sucked, I am never doing that again!"  When I told her she got second and that was amazing, she yelled at me!  "Mom!  I feel like I'm going to throw up.  I felt like I was going to throw up the whole last lap.  I told Tim too on the backstretch and you know what he said?  Okay - but keep running!"  It was impossible not to laugh.  Good coaching Tim.  Puke and rally, puke and rally.  Being a distance runner myself, I have to agree, it does suck in the middle sometimes, but oh how great you feel after!  Worth it.  Sophie has big goals for her track season.  She made 7 feet in the pole vault as a 7th grader, so her goal is 8 as an 8th grader, 9 as a 9th grader, etc....  Can't wait to see her work towards her goals as 12 feet seems pretty much impossible to me.  I learned a long time ago not to tell Sophie something was impossible.

So yeah - to say I'm her number one fan is an understatement.  I am incredibly proud and, as we always joke, I love watching her play.  It just keeps getting better and better as she gets older.

It's been what?

Sappy "I love my husband" post warning!  If you don't want to hear me go on and on about how great Tim is, you'll want to skip this blog.  Like Sophie says, "you guys are disgusting!"  I'm about to get disgusting.

Two years ago today, Tim and I went on our first date.  If you read the blog a year ago, you know that we met for dinner at Red Lobster and that I was freaking out about that.  Dating when I was younger was nerve wracking enough.  Dating at almost 40 was worse, much worse.  Add that to the whole "meeting someone you met online" and your brain definitely goes into overtime.   I realized about 5 minutes into the date that I didn't have an exit strategy planned.  We had agreed to meet for dinner and a movie.  What if this stranger was creepy?  Boring?  Obnoxious?  Cocky?  Rude?  Panic!  I didn't even have a bestie ready to call me and fake an emergency.  I started coming up with excuses for why I needed to go home early.  (I had some really good ones - most involved Libby or Sophie setting fire to something, including themselves, or getting sick.)  Thankfully, it wasn't but 10 minutes into the date that I realized we had a lot to talk about and I didn't need an exit strategy.  Tim did everything correctly, he was kind, funny and tipped the waitress accordingly (which is a big deal when you are a server yourself).  He even did the whole, put your hand on the small of her back and guide her out of the room, thing.  *swoon*

The long and short of it is that the first date was wonderful and led to a second, third and many more dates after.  The whole story can be found in this blog: One Year Anniversary

Here I sit, a year later and reflecting about the past two years of our lives.  We have already been through so much.  There is so much drama when dealing with ex spouses.  I'd love to say we have the easy going, go with the flow kind of ex's, but then again - Tim and I wouldn't have as much in common if we didn't both have ex's with a grudge.   There has been the struggle of blending two families, complete with teenage girl drama and the parenting struggle that can be.  There have been tough losses of family members and friends, learning to deal with two sets of differing ideas about how to handle things, extended family issues, holidays, changing traditions, house hunting and so much more.

We also planned an entire wedding together and managed to pull it off without arguing!  Because I had Tim, the whole process was fun and I never got nervous.  There was very little worry and I knew that no matter what happened, the important part was, that at the end of the day, we would be husband and wife.  We couldn't have asked for a more perfect wedding week.  We are so blessed with amazing friends and family to share it with.  As always, my only regret about our wedding is that I wish I had met him sooner so we could be married longer.

No matter what life has thrown at us so far, we have been there for each other and my love for Tim has only grown deeper and stronger.  I'm so thankful to have him in our lives.   As  I've said a thousand times, he truly is like a unicorn.  He is that mythical perfect man for me and I can't believe how lucky I am to have found him.  I have someone who supports me, is proud of me, appreciates me and loves me for who I am (besides my dad).  Even on the days when I know I drive him a little bit crazy, he still loves me.  (He tries to claim I am never annoying or make him angry.  He's so cute when he is full of it.)  When I say I feel like I have been with him forever, it is because my heart has always known him.  And lucky me, I get to call him husband.

Happy 2 year together anniversary!