The games we play...

My students and I got off topic (shocking I know) today and we were discussing the games we play while driving down the road.   They were describing the usual license plate game (where you try to find different states) and then the other common game, the alphabet game which is where you have to find each letter in the alphabet (in order) in road signs as you drive along.  It can go rather quickly until you get to tougher letters like G and Q. 

Another game our family plays is watching for wildlife.  This is one that Tim and his kids taught us.  It sounds so sweet and nice, "look for deer little ones".  Instead it is more of a race to see who can find wildlife first and a claim of "I already counted those" screamed out from the back seat.  Basically if you see say a small herd of deer you say "6 deer".  If there are 6 deer you get six points.  If there are only 5 you lose a point or something?   If there are 10, someone else can claim the other 4.  And roadkill counts, ie "roadkill raccoon".  But cows don't (or other farm animals).  Don't even try farm animals. I've tried arguing that loose farm animals should count as wildlife, apparently they don't.  Lately there have been so many turkey and deer in giant clusters that this has been an easy game to rack up the points which no one ever really keeps track of and there is no prize for having the most anyway. 

Another game is counting silos on your side of the road.  But this gets tricky when you start counting silos that you can see in the distance and who knows what side of the road they will really be on when you get there.  I mean, because it is super important and the points count in that game?  Oh wait - they never truly do. 

What got us talking about roadside games you ask?  Well, you must know what time of year it is?  March Madness people!  To many 10 year old boys, and some of the girls too, this is a pretty exciting time.  My coworker thinks so too and today all of the students got to draw numbers and choose teams.  This morning I also completed a bracket.  Not because I know anything or care, but because, you guessed it, our family is holding a contest.  So I reluctantly filled out my bracket. 

Now being as I know nothing about basketball I used a highly scientific method of choosing teams.  I went through and chose teams based off of several criteria:
1. I had actually heard of the college before 
2. I had visited the state   
3. The word sounded "horsey" (Buck for Bucknell sounded horsey - apparently this was a "bold" choice.)   

4.  Lastly - if it just sounded cool.  Villanova sounded like a science fiction action hero.  (Villanova sliced through the android with his light saber.)  They were my top pick.    My students claim this was a good choice.  We shall see I guess. 

Apparently the first prize in this contest at our house is the joy of winning, so you would think I wouldn't be highly motivated to win.  But then, you wouldn't know me at all.  I'm a tad bit competitive so bring it on.  After all, I did write "Melissa's winning Bracket" across the top of my bracket.  It's pretty serious.

Co-parenting - apparently it is a tough subject

Co-parenting.  Who knew that would be such a tough concept for so many people to figure out?  Let's be clear about something right off the bat.  Divorce is not excessively harmful to children.  What is harmful are the days, months, years of bitter ex's battling it out over every. little. thing. endlessly.  And a word that gets thrown back and forth?  Co-parenting.

Here's what I learned about co-parenting.  How did I learn it you ask?  Well, let's see.  First I researched the effects of divorce on kids BEFORE I got divorced.  Through that research I learned exactly what I said above.  So my goal was to have an effective co-parenting relationship.  Second, after filing for divorce, I immediately took the parenting class that I thought would be required by the state.  (Unfortunately our divorce went through without it and my ex-husband refused to take the class.  We might have avoided some of the troubles we have had and saved our girls loads of hurtful memories had he approached the situation differently.)  Third, in an effort to repair our relationship post divorce I was in therapy and one of the things my therapist and I discussed frequently was co-parenting, how to make it work and what to do when you can't.  He helped me let go of the guilt I had that I wasn't able to be a co-parent with my ex.   Fourth, I have read oodles on the subject; books, websites, webinars, you name it.  Why this vast and overwhelming interest in co-parenting?  I care about my kids.  I love my kids.  I want the best for my kids.  I would do anything for my kids.

So I get it.  At least I have an understanding of what co-parenting is, what it looks like, why it is important, and how to accomplish it.  However, there are far more people who throw out the phrase co-parenting to make themselves look like the better parent than those who actually practice the concept.  So let's break it down super simply for those who don't get it and I'll share some of my favorite quick resources for further reading for those that want to learn more about it.

First of all, let's break down the word.  The co in co-parent is for cooperative which = working together.  Parenting obviously means the raising of your child(ren).  Therefore, co-parenting is WORKING TOGETHER TO RAISE YOUR CHILD(REN).  Working together.  Despite any residual anger, bitterness, hurt, or even love you may feel towards your ex, you work together to parent your children for the good of that child.  This means having conversations.  Long drawn out conversations where you discuss how you want to raise your kids and come to an agreement.  After coming to this agreement, you then work together and support each other as you move forward.  Sound tough?  Check out this list of crucial conversations that would be a part of co-parenting early in your divorce.

Even if you and your ex had these conversations prior to your divorce, it is vital that you have them again.  Don't expect things to stay the same after.  They won't and you will absolutely be tempted to be the "Disney Dad (or mom)" and go back on things like rules, chores, allowances, etc...   Co-parenting after divorce is not parenting your way and parenting my way.  This is parenting THEIR way, as in "What is best for OUR children?"  As I read somewhere, you chose to have children with this person.  That is not a "until we get divorced" kind of decision.  When you bring children into the world with someone else, it is a "forever" kind of decision.  

After coming up with the plan for parenting your children, you need to stick to it.  That means if you agreed that bed time would be at 9:00 pm, then you make sure your children are in bed at 9:00 pm.   If you agreed that screen time would be limited to an hour a day, then you don't allow the child to have 2 hours because they put up a fuss about turning off the iPad and you don't want to be the bad guy.  Of course your children will grow and change and with that your expectations should grow and change as well.  If you feel something needs to change, you go back to the child's other parent and you discuss the expectations again and you decide on those expectations TOGETHER. 

While sticking to the expectations at your house you also have to be supportive of your ex and their parenting at their house.  Make the hairs on the back of your neck stand up, did I?  You heard me right.  When your child is spending time with their other parent and they text you to complain about dad or mom, guess what you do.  You don't say, "I'll talk to him" or "How dare he?"  Instead you say something like, "I'm sorry you feel he/she is being unfair.  Should we all sit down together and talk about it?"  Let me explain how this works.  One - your child realizes that you and your ex are working TOGETHER to raise them.  Two - your child realizes that "shit" he isn't going to get away with it.   Three - your ex will support YOU the next time your kids are mad at YOU for something you made them do.  That day will come, I promise you.  

Notice a theme here?  Discuss.  Together.  Agree.   If you're stuttering and stammering and shaking your head, I'm not surprised.  Co-parenting is really hard and requires a ton of self sacrifice for the sake of your kids.  It requires you to act like an adult and play nice.  A lot (maybe most) divorced couples cannot accomplish this feat.  But think of the benefits to the most important people in your world if you could!  Isn't it worth a try?  

But... but... right.  I get it.  I've lived it and seen it.  Sometimes we cannot co-parent.  Maybe the ex was abusive in some way and you have to protect yourself, and your kids, from that in the future.  Maybe divorce was the only way you can free yourself from a controlling, manipulative person who then turns your divorce into a game he or she needs to win, usually using the kids as a weapon or pawn.  Co-parenting is not for you.  Sometimes we have to choose parallel parenting.   In the other resources below you will find a great article on the difference between co-parenting and parallel parenting.  You have to do the best you can to find the most workable solution for your children.  

For those of you who like to throw the phrase "co-parenting" around, check to be sure you're actually attempting to be a co-parent.  If you're not sure....

Co-Parenting is NOT:

*One parent telling the other parent what they need to do and then sitting back and waiting for them to do as they say. 

*One parent making the decision and expecting the other parent to agree.

*Trying to turn the child against the other parent or pointing out when the other parent makes a mistake.

*Skipping rules or consequences for the children so your house will be the "fun" house.

*Buying the children's love through gifts, big ticket items or vacations.

*Telling the children that "you would never make them do this or that" to make the other parent look bad.

*Telling the children why you got divorced or reasons why you don't like your ex.

*Making fun or your ex.

*Saying that you would let them but the other parent said no.

*Being passive aggressive or sarcastic - (If sarcasm is your usual method of communication with the world, fix you because you suck. Learn to be an adult and be polite and respectful to those around you.)

Co-parenting is:
*Sit down conversations with your ex.  Stop texting and emailing and give each other a call or sit down and hash it out.  Much less chance for miscommunication.

*Checking your own hurt, anger and insecurities at the door for you kids' sake.

*Coming to an agreement on a plan and STICKING TO IT.

*Asking your ex for advice, support or ideas.  (Gulp - admit you don't know it all or have it all covered.)

*Keeping your mouth shut and only talking about your ex in a positive manner in front of the kids.  You want to badmouth them?  Go out for drinks with your friends.

*Supporting your ex and their parenting decisions.

Still think you and your ex can do this co-parenting thing?  YAY!  I wish you all the support and the best.  You can do it!  Keep putting those kids first and keep researching how to make it work.  If you read the blog and are feeling frustrated, no fear.  There are pages and pages of advice for you as well.  Please see a couple at the bottom of this page and good luck as well.  

Feel free to click on these other great resources:
Co-Parenting Success

Co-parenting vs Parallel Parenting

5 Co-parenting tips

Co-parenting with a narcissist

She's an appaloosa I tell you! (And voting!)

It's just starting to sink in that China has some fans.  Maybe it is because I never stop talking about her and posting pictures about her.  Maybe it is because *knocks on wood* she is usually such a good girl in the ring.  Maybe it is because she is one of the very few cuddly mares I have ever met.  She LOVES people and she thinks everyone wants her big old head in their face, chest or lap.  Don't start scratching her or loving up on her, because she will not quit. (Ask anyone that touched her this weekend and ended up with a 1000 lb puppy in their face.)  Whichever factor it is, China is starting to get a few folks who think she is pretty cool.  Besides me that is.  Last weekend I had several come up to me and tell me how much they enjoyed our rides, or that she was their favorite in the class, or one commented that we should keep doing what we are doing because she looked so good.  Guess what they were all shocked to find out?  She's an appaloosa.

I wish with all my heart that she had the typical appaloosa look to her.  Not because I need to have color to love her.  I am not gonna lie - I like not having to get white spots white at shows.  She's an easy keeper that way.  But I wish she could be a better ambassador for a breed that gets a bum rap in our part of the country.  As you probably remember from my Crazy Appaloosa blog, there are some really wrong ideas about appaloosas here.  It's to the point where even a friend of mine who also loves apps commented that since she is into buying and reselling she has to stay away from appaloosas.  They are a "hard sell".  It makes me incredibly sad.  I'd give anything to wipe the look of horror and disbelief out of people's eyes when I tell them she's an appaloosa.  I wish I could change the general consensus and get people to realize that the modern appaloosa is as even tempered, pretty and talented as any quarter horse or paint horse in the pen.  I want, more than anything, for China to start changing people's minds about appaloosas.  But the problem is, she doesn't look like one.

Last year a fellow competitor aboard an appaloosa and friend took it as his personal mission to let everyone in hearing distance know she was an app.  When we would come out of a class after placing he would say, "good job with your appaloosa - that's right she's an appaloosa" to everyone within hearing distance.  He threatened to make me wear a sign.  He loves the breed as much as I do I guess.  However, that isn't the most effective way of getting the word out.  So what's the plan B?

I want a coat.  I want a coat I can wear during warm up and any time I'm out and about.  Maybe top the coat off with a hat.  On this coat (and hat) would be some kind of graphic or outline of an appaloosa horse and her name in big letters.... Maid of Copper.  But also on this coat would be something about appaloosas.  Some way of TELLING people she is an app.  The printer I talked to told me that Appaloosa Horse Club is copyrighted (that makes sense).  So we have to get more creative.  I suggested "Love my appaloosa" but Libby says that's too cheesy.  So I have a couple other options, see the list below and feel free to comment your vote or offer other suggestions.

"Love my appaloosa"
"Ride an appaloosa"
"I've got an app for that."
"Put your ass on some class, ride an appaloosa" (Libby says no to this one - she's no fun.)
"Appy butts drive me nuts"
"Appy mom"
"The only app I need"

Show Weekend update: MEC March 10-11

First show of the year, first show update!  We only have 6 show weekends planned for both Libby and I this year so you won't have to put up with so many of these blogs filling up your newsfeed.  But I love having a place where everything I want to remember about the weekend is kept in the same place.  So bare with me or click yourself on by.
I absolutely adore my horse.  I'm sure that's brand new information to anyone who follows this blog.  Even when she worries me, she ends up stepping up and coming through.  And she had me worried on Friday night.  My calm, sweet China would not/could not settle down and settle in to the show situation.  Every horse that rode by us in the warm up, or worse, met us was a reason to spook, shudder and jump.  She was beside herself and so scared.  Not at all like the China I know and love.  Eventually she settled down a little but still had her random jumpy moments.  I decided that more warm up wasn't doing either of us any good and we gave it up for the night in order to wash, band and clip.  Maybe I should say hack away at winter fuzz, because honestly - the hack job that I managed can't exactly be called "clipping".


We started with showmanship.  China and I have a lot of work to do.  Many of you know this one class can cause me so much anxiety.  It's completely dumb.  I'm on the ground for Pete's sake.  What is the worst that can happen; I fall down?  I do that on a regular basis and have survived so far.   Despite the overwhelming anxiety and dry mouth, would you believe we actually pulled out a pattern?  Complete with set ups, pivots, trot offs, stops, etc...  I'm so proud of her and our 5th place.  We did it again on Sunday.  I could not get her to set up square at the first cone (cue the friend who once told me there wasn't enough vodka in the world to teach my horse at the time to set up).  She kept resting her back leg, but the rest of the pattern I was super proud of her.  We squeaked out a sixth.  My goal for the next show is showmanship.  I want to work harder, practice longer, learn more and get better.  Be ready for some serious hard work China!  Libby and Peach also have some work to do in showmanship but Sunday was loads better than Saturday.  Horses have a way of showing you what you need to work on and not letting you skate by without practicing.  I believe Libby has something she needs to be hitting a little harder from now on too!

English is something that I consider China's strong suit.  We got a second and a first in English pleasure.  I was a little disappointed with our ride on Saturday.  She was still kind of revved up and just couldn't settle into any kind of consistency.  But Sunday was better - even if she was a little more tired and less forward.  I kind of fell apart for the rail version of English equitation on Saturday - I kept expecting her to misbehave or spook and did not ride well.  We took a 4th on Saturday, but Sunday was a pattern!  YAY!  China rocked that pattern and we got a first.   Our patterns were crap though compared to Libby.  She makes it look so easy (I hate her a little bit).  She and Peach took home two second place finishes in English equitation and had beautiful rides (but no placings) in English pleasure.  Talk about little pony that could.  I love seeing Libby on my pony in a giant class of quarter horses and paints. 



Western is so much fun.  I love English but I love to watch and ride western way more.  I love ogling all the pretty outfits, shiny saddles and pretty horses.  Even though China isn't a "western" horse, we do our best impression of it.  Saturday we took home a 4th and Sunday we tried something new.  I finally worked up the courage to try out a bosal in a class.  China was amazing.  I could not have been happier with our ride and I am so proud of my China doll.  We got a 3rd in the class and I have no complaints about that.  About the biggest issue we had was when I got over excited and told China she was a good girl, which by the way is our cue to slow down.  We almost had a break in gait before I realized my mistake.  We also had great rides in horsemanship.  Saturday was rail work and Sunday we had a simple pattern.  Again China knocked that pattern out of the park and I got a second.  Libby and Peach had more great rides and Libby just needs to work on trusting Peach a bit more in pattern work and they will be placing.  She expected Peach to get the wrong lead and went to correct her before realizing, hey - she got it right on the first try!

The days finished up with bareback and egg and spoon.  I'm not gonna lie - I was still a little nervous for bareback on Saturday despite the fact that China has been a gem all day.  She continued to be a rockstar and I was shocked to get a first in that class.  We had another great ride on Sunday and took home a second.  I'm always so excited about placings in bareback as I kind of sort of feel like I am completely at the will of the bareback gods for that one.  If China ever decided to be an idiot, I'd be an arena dart for sure.  Libby never ceases to amaze me with her seat in bareback and got a 5th and a 3rd. 

Finally China and I tried egg and spoon.  Like usual I really struggled with the whole balance an egg thing and only managed to squeak out a 6th on Sunday.   I think I always get the biggest egg and the smallest spoon.  No lie!  It's a conspiracy!  Also as usual, Libby did her rock star egg and spoon thing and got a second on Saturday and took home the first on Sunday.  But the real rock star of egg and spoon on Sunday was our friend, Gabby.  She was on the barn's 3 year old that is still just getting started.  It came down to the last two riders and the call came to put the spoon with the egg in your rein hand and extended jog.  Gabby even announced to the crowd that she would not have steering at that point and off they went on the rail.  I will never forget Gucci as she cruised (aka flew) along on the rail, never leaving it's side and they lasted almost a whole lap around the arena.  Seriously people, they were flying.  If there is such a thing as "road gait" for a western pleasure horse, Gucci was in it.   They may not have won - but that image will forever be a win in my memories.


There isn't enough room on my blog to record all the funny moments, the laughs, the hugs, or the people we have missed all winter long.  It was so great to see them again.  We talked about food, horses, show clothes, memories, you name it and laughed more than I have in a long time.  Nothing beats the look of complete terror on Lynelle's face when we told her that her class was going in and she wasn't even ready yet.  That's what you get for being a procrastinator!   I can't wait for the next show and the chance to see them all again.  Thank you to our stall mates Dawn and Greg Bauer and Lynelle and Gabby for your endless advice and support all weekend.  I don't know what we would do without you guys.  Especially Greg and Gabby who competed with me all weekend in senior walk/trot.  I refuse to say competed AGAINST me, because even if we are in the same class, we are still a team.  I'm so proud of China, Peach, Libby and I for our efforts and look ahead to moving forward better, smarter and stronger for the next one.  See you in April! 

Relationship advice from someone who shouldn't give any...

So I've been thinking about relationships quite a bit the past few days due to friends that are going through similar struggles of endings and beginnings that I have in the past.  These friends have come to me for advice which I am admittedly not so good at.  So basically I just tell them what I have learned, be it good or bad and hope and pray for the best for them.

Stop arguing with yourself.  I spent way too many years fighting my gut.  I knew things felt wrong and were wrong.  I tried to rationalize and make them okay.  I told myself that what I wanted couldn't possibly be achievable so I had to learn to be happy with what I had.  I told myself I had made poor decisions in the past so I couldn't trust my gut.  I told myself a million lies which led to me arguing with what I knew to be true.  I didn't trust myself, I didn't trust my gut and that led to a whole host of problems.  Fighting myself is what led to sleepless nights, anxiety and depression.  When you stop fighting what you know in your heart and make that decision, the weight physically, mentally and spiritually lifts.  Which leads me to the next point.

Love yourself.  So many times we enter into relationships hoping it will make us happy.  A relationship cannot make you happy.  A relationship will not work if you don't love yourself first.  Do not put your self worth, your happiness, in someone else's hands.  I know that I left my marriage with a lot of self-hate, guilt, and self confidence issues.  The next guy down the road was able to exploit those, at first telling me all the things about myself I had been missing to suck me into a relationship and then slowly using those doubts and fears against me.  Not only did he convince me that I wasn't good looking enough, thin enough,  or smart enough, he added crazy to the mix.  Through therapy I learned that I didn't need someone to tell me I was smart or pretty or capable.  I didn't believe what I was being told anymore because I believed in myself.  I believed that there were good things about myself.  Until you love yourself, no amount of someone else telling you so will make it true for you. (Not that it isn't nice to hear.)

Be able to be alone.  I was convinced I wasn't good enough or smart enough to be by myself.  I was convinced that I needed someone to take care of me.  I had no faith in the fact that not only could I be alone, but it maybe would be better for me.  I thought that any relationship, no matter how twisted and sad, was better than being alone.  Through therapy, I found that strength.   I remember Frank asking, "What's the worst that can happen?"  My response was that I would be alone.  His response, "and that would be bad, how?"  He taught me that it wouldn't be bad at all.  In fact, it could be pretty great.  I learned that I was worthy of being treated right.  I was good enough, smart enough and capable.  I learned I could be on my own and I didn't have to fear that.  When I walked away from that second relationship, I had every intention of being alone and I was excited and happy to do just that.  Realizing I could be alone was the first step to being able to be in a relationship.

Put yourself first in order to be the best you.  Some of us have a hard time putting ourselves first.  We are worrying constantly about being a better mom, wife, family member or worker.  We think that self care comes last, after we have cared for everyone else.  What we don't realize is that by short changing ourselves, we are really short changing everyone else.  When we don't take care of ourselves we take that out on everyone and everything that comes into contact with us.  Let me explain.  I often said that I didn't have time for girls night out or even working out because my kids were in activities, or I needed to make supper.  Here's the truth.  Your kids will be okay if you miss one game, or if they don't get to have a birthday party decorated like a 2 page spread in Better Homes and Garden, or if they have cereal for supper.  You will not scar them for life, but you will start chipping away at yourself if you don't put yourself first.  I know that the more things I skipped for myself, the less time I made for me; the angrier, shorter tempered, less patient, sadder and more anxious I became.  You need to take care of you to be the best you that you can be.

Bad decisions aren't the end.  There is an episode of Friends (THE best show of all time) where Rachel decides she makes horrible decisions and tells Monica she gets to make all of her decisions from there on.  It is hilarious, but really - how many of us haven't felt like we can't make a decent decision to save our souls?  I've had more than my fair share, but that doesn't mean I'm not capable of making decisions and I shouldn't be making decisions for myself.  There was a period of time in my life where I had no confidence in my ability to do so and that is not a fun place to be.  My advice - making a bad decision isn't the end.  Making two or three bad decisions isn't the end.  Learn from them, work to make that bad decision better and move on.  Do not look back and beat yourself up over it.  You are no longer the same person you were when you made that decision.  And do not allow others to question your decisions, make you feel guilty about your decisions or make you feel like you can't make your own decisions.  No one can take that away from you! 

As the title says, that's my relationship advice but take it with a grain of salt.  I'm certainly no expert and I have done my share of failing at relationships.   Hopefully I learned a few things along the way and if I can help one person out there learn from my mistakes, then maybe they weren't such "mistakes" after all.  

Shameless bragging about my kid

So, if you don't want to read some hideously annoying, shameless bragging about my Sophie, you might want to turn away from this post.  I am awfully proud of the little bugger and today I stumbled across a meme that made me think of her.  It also reminded me that I post an awful lot about Libby and horses, but not nearly enough about Sophie and how she makes me proud, so let me just tell you something....

Sophie is amazing.  Let's start with athletic ability.  I don't know where she gets it.  Her dad played sports but even he admitted he wasn't speedy.  Sophie is.  What she lacks in height she makes up for in speed.  She will never be the tallest girl on the court, field or track, but she doesn't let height be a limitation for her.  She just works harder and moves faster.

Now, as you all know, I'm no athlete and I didn't play your typical sports in high school.  My basketball "career" ended abruptly in 8th grade when I suffered a broken wrist.  My softball career lasted all of a season and a half when I realized that starting in right field was a sign that my team was probably better off without me.  Some of us aren't meant to be athletes, every team needs a stat girl right?  I did discover that I could throw people.  Being a farm girl had it's benefits I guess.  Combine the ability to throw someone with rhythm and a few dance moves and you get a cheerleader.  (Cheerleading is to a sport.)  But what I can do pales in comparison to watching Sophie take on any sport she attempts.

Ask her what her favorite sport is and she will tell you volleyball.  She plays volleyball from August to May between "school ball" and "JO".  For those who haven't experienced the joy of all day, all weekend long JO tournaments, it is a "junior olympic" team.  I never played volleyball.  I know virtually nothing about how to play volleyball.  But I've watched a LOT of volleyball, so I'm kind of an expert.  Really.  I know all kinds of terms and half the time use them correctly.  So I feel completely qualified to say, Sophie is awesome.  I love watching her serve.  I love watching her hit.  And I love how much hustle she has.  There is something that can't be coached into a competitor - the drive to win.  Sophie has that and then some.  She took to volleyball like, as they say, a duck to water.  I can't wait to watch her as she gets better and better.  This past weekend she was MVP of the gold division at a JO tournament in Kasson for the 14U division.  I wish I had been there to see it, but I probably would have embarrassed her by crying.  I do that when she makes me proud.  A lot.

I think my favorite sport to watch Sophie play is basketball.  I can't believe that basketball season is over already this year.  The better the girls play, the more I enjoy watching them.  This year they really started putting some things together and I couldn't imagine a better way to spend Tuesday and Thursday nights.  There was one night when the ref even commented to me as I stood at the end of the court taking pictures, that number 30 was on fire.  (The ref may have been her step dad but still....)  I think that night she scored 23 points.  She had over 200 points for the season, but that isn't what I love most about watching Sophie play.  I love watching Soph play defense.  She gets a lot of steals and she is always, always going for the ball.  She plays almost the entire game so there are games she gets a little tired, but it is so worth it.  She also is very aware of the court.  Being that she gets a lot of steals and that she plays point guard, she is bringing the ball up the court a lot.  She is always looking to see who is open, which teammate has the best chance at scoring for her team and giving others the opportunity to take the shot.  I love that she's a team player.  I cannot even explain how proud of her that makes me.

On the way home from games, basketball and volleyball, Sophie loves to talk about her teammates.  She loves to talk about which player had a great game, how this or that player had a cool basket or awesome block.  She talks about how her teammate is improving or said something funny.  She talks about how she hopes this teammate makes their goal or that teammate is such a nice person.  And don't talk bad about her teammates; she will shut you down.  She will remind you that they are trying or that they are new to the game.  She does have her moments of frustration, but 99% of the time, they are with herself.  I have never seen someone as hard on themselves as Sophie.  She takes each match, game, tournament as her personal duty to bring her team to victory.  Sometimes so much so that I have to remind her that she cannot do it all.

But it doesn't stop at basketball and volleyball.  Sophie has played softball since she was in 3rd grade.  Oh my goodness, those first couple of years were so darn cute.  I love watching softball.  Maybe it is because of my time as an outfielder.  I have a few softball memories and actually know a little about that game.  Plus I love that most of the time it was summer league so the weather was nice and it was time outside.  I love the crack of the bat, watching her stare down a runner on third (as catcher) and watching her steal bases.  Dang that girl can run.  About the only thing I didn't love watching was her pitching.  Not because it wasn't great pitching - she was/is a pretty darn good little pitcher.  But when Sophie pitches, she takes all the responsibility for the game on her little shoulders.  She puts way too much pressure on herself to pitch strikes every time.  Sadly, Sophie has decided that she's not going out for summer softball any more.  No more sunflower seeds and sunshine for these folks.  Judging from the texts, emails and phone calls, I'm guessing her coaches are bummed Sophie isn't going out this year too.

Lastly, Sophie participates in track.  I'd say she runs track, and she does do sprints, but her passion is pole vaulting.  She wants to try a new event this year and try the triple jump too.  My favorite to watch her in, other than the pole vault, is the mile.  She claims she hates distance running, but this kid runs with all heart.  There was a varsity meet where Tim threw her in the mile.  When she crossed the finish line in second place, I was so proud I teared up (shocking).  As she came by I told her how awesome she did and her response, "That sucked, I am never doing that again!"  When I told her she got second and that was amazing, she yelled at me!  "Mom!  I feel like I'm going to throw up.  I felt like I was going to throw up the whole last lap.  I told Tim too on the backstretch and you know what he said?  Okay - but keep running!"  It was impossible not to laugh.  Good coaching Tim.  Puke and rally, puke and rally.  Being a distance runner myself, I have to agree, it does suck in the middle sometimes, but oh how great you feel after!  Worth it.  Sophie has big goals for her track season.  She made 7 feet in the pole vault as a 7th grader, so her goal is 8 as an 8th grader, 9 as a 9th grader, etc....  Can't wait to see her work towards her goals as 12 feet seems pretty much impossible to me.  I learned a long time ago not to tell Sophie something was impossible.

So yeah - to say I'm her number one fan is an understatement.  I am incredibly proud and, as we always joke, I love watching her play.  It just keeps getting better and better as she gets older.

It's been what?

Sappy "I love my husband" post warning!  If you don't want to hear me go on and on about how great Tim is, you'll want to skip this blog.  Like Sophie says, "you guys are disgusting!"  I'm about to get disgusting.

Two years ago today, Tim and I went on our first date.  If you read the blog a year ago, you know that we met for dinner at Red Lobster and that I was freaking out about that.  Dating when I was younger was nerve wracking enough.  Dating at almost 40 was worse, much worse.  Add that to the whole "meeting someone you met online" and your brain definitely goes into overtime.   I realized about 5 minutes into the date that I didn't have an exit strategy planned.  We had agreed to meet for dinner and a movie.  What if this stranger was creepy?  Boring?  Obnoxious?  Cocky?  Rude?  Panic!  I didn't even have a bestie ready to call me and fake an emergency.  I started coming up with excuses for why I needed to go home early.  (I had some really good ones - most involved Libby or Sophie setting fire to something, including themselves, or getting sick.)  Thankfully, it wasn't but 10 minutes into the date that I realized we had a lot to talk about and I didn't need an exit strategy.  Tim did everything correctly, he was kind, funny and tipped the waitress accordingly (which is a big deal when you are a server yourself).  He even did the whole, put your hand on the small of her back and guide her out of the room, thing.  *swoon*

The long and short of it is that the first date was wonderful and led to a second, third and many more dates after.  The whole story can be found in this blog: One Year Anniversary

Here I sit, a year later and reflecting about the past two years of our lives.  We have already been through so much.  There is so much drama when dealing with ex spouses.  I'd love to say we have the easy going, go with the flow kind of ex's, but then again - Tim and I wouldn't have as much in common if we didn't both have ex's with a grudge.   There has been the struggle of blending two families, complete with teenage girl drama and the parenting struggle that can be.  There have been tough losses of family members and friends, learning to deal with two sets of differing ideas about how to handle things, extended family issues, holidays, changing traditions, house hunting and so much more.

We also planned an entire wedding together and managed to pull it off without arguing!  Because I had Tim, the whole process was fun and I never got nervous.  There was very little worry and I knew that no matter what happened, the important part was, that at the end of the day, we would be husband and wife.  We couldn't have asked for a more perfect wedding week.  We are so blessed with amazing friends and family to share it with.  As always, my only regret about our wedding is that I wish I had met him sooner so we could be married longer.

No matter what life has thrown at us so far, we have been there for each other and my love for Tim has only grown deeper and stronger.  I'm so thankful to have him in our lives.   As  I've said a thousand times, he truly is like a unicorn.  He is that mythical perfect man for me and I can't believe how lucky I am to have found him.  I have someone who supports me, is proud of me, appreciates me and loves me for who I am (besides my dad).  Even on the days when I know I drive him a little bit crazy, he still loves me.  (He tries to claim I am never annoying or make him angry.  He's so cute when he is full of it.)  When I say I feel like I have been with him forever, it is because my heart has always known him.  And lucky me, I get to call him husband.

Happy 2 year together anniversary!