Quotes from books on t-shirts

I'm always finding quotable quotes in the books I read. Often I will read something and it will touch me so much that I'll underline it in my book or write it in my journal. (Yes, this is why I buy my own books and hate reading them on an electronic device.) Today in our class novel, as I was reading I got the chuckles about a couple of lines and couldn't help think of the t-shirts I would love to have made with the quotes on them. Of course I knew who I would love to give said t-shirt to or where I would personally wear it.

#1: "Exercise is nothing more than a depressing reminder that one is a not a god." I mean, really. Isn't that just perfect? Picture that on a work out tank top or t-shirt and heading to the gym. I'm sure it would help brighten at least a couple moods, not counting mine. Anything to make those long runs feel just a little bit shorter, right?

#2: "Why does college have to happen to perfectly good people?" Yeah, I already can see the exact color of this shirt that I'm quite certain Libby needs to have as a graduation present. It will be perfect and completely relatable. Especially around finals time next year. You know, when you haven't slept, eaten anything besides crap at your desk and officially feel like you will never have a life again and may end up sleeping in a cardboard box down by the river. Yeah, then.

#3: "Suck it up. Winners don't complain." So, I'm thinking maybe I could keep this one? This almost sounds like something you would see on some Under Armour or Nike brand apparel. Yes it would fit for Sophie and her athletics, yes it would work for Libby and her horses, but really - isn't this the best advice a teacher can give her students? "This assignment is too hard," Mrs Andring points to her shirt. "I can't find the answer to number 3." Mrs Andring points to her shirt. "We have to do all of this by tomorrow?!" Mrs Andring points to her shirt. I could go on, but you get the point.

I'm loving this class novel. Be ready for more words of wisdom tomorrow. This book doesn't seem to disappoint.

Nicknames for nicknames

When you own registered horses, no one calls them by their registered name from day to day.  Those names are more like what we refer to as "show names".  The only time we use them is when we show (and sometimes not even then if it isn't a show that counts for any kind of points).  So that means our registered horses all have "barn" names which are what we call them every day.  However, I'm not sure why that doesn't seem like enough names for our horses.

Do other horse people do this?  Even our barn names get modified, changed and added on to.  So in reality, most of our horses have around 10 different names and not all of them appropriate for a family friendly blog depending on their behavior that particular day.

First China.  China is registered as Maid of Copper.  Her breeder used a name from her heritage, Maid Ya Whisper and clued in on her beautiful copper color to come up with her registered name.  I do love it, especially since we bought her because of Maid Ya a Dream (Ellie).  She started out as Baby China and China Doll.  We often shorten it to just China.  She's been Big Girl, Baby Girl, Girly Whirly and more recently, Momma.  Even though she isn't going to be a Momma, Momma just fits a big old broody acting mare like China is maturing into.  Now, not going to lie, every time we find her IN the round bale feeder, which is her latest trick, she has a new nickname.  I may have referred to her a lot lately as "Cow".   Because, really Cow?  Do you need to climb INTO the round bale feeder just because the hay is pushed to the middle?  Maybe be happy with the hay around the edges, you cow.

Next Peach.  Peach is short for her registered name, Dutch Peach which she came with.  She also came with the barn name, Peach.  We had known Peach since she was one of the favorite foals of that year.  She is just a "Peach".  But Peach becomes Peachy Weachy, or just Weachy or Weaches.  Sometimes, when she is chasing the others or just in general treating the others like the crab she is, she is lovingly referred to as Nag or B*!$#.

Then there is Sully.  Sully's registered name is Dutch Norman Borlaug.   He was named Sully after our Disney name theme idea and we couldn't have picked a more perfect name for him.  Especially this winter with all his long fuzzy hair.  He's a fluffy, slightly chubby, lovable bugger - just like his namesake from Monsters Inc.  Sully hasn't had to learn too much yet, he's halter broke and you can handle his feet.  That's about all we've worked with and since he's so easy going his nicknames for his nicknames are pretty limited.  I think Sully Wully and maybe Chubby Butt are his only additional nicknames.

The last horse that I can call mine and is subject to my nicknaming the nicknames is Kenya.  Kenya is registered as Obviously Chocolate.  I absolutely LOVE her name, but then I obviously love chocolate. (See what I did there?)  We nicknamed her Kenya because of her connection to China, they are half sisters, and her connections to two Ken's.  Her breeder's name is Ken and she shares a birthday with my dad, also named Ken.  Now that we know her a little better, we could have stuck with our Disney theme AND our Monsters Inc. tradition and named her Boo.  She is a little chicken about things yet at this stage in her training.  Kenya has some nicknames that I use, including the old reliable Girly Whirly.  She is also "Little Girl" and "Pretty Girl".   My family jokingly calls her Crockpot.  Long story, but basically Tim seemed to think that we named China after dishes so he decided to name Kenya a "dishes" name too. 

So many nicknames our poor horses are probably developing some kind of complex.  It's a good thing that horses aren't known for coming when you call their name because they'd be very confused about what their names even were. It’s a good thing a white bucket is all it takes to bring them at a run.  

The ex's that come with divorce

There is nothing worse than the constant use of the word "ex" after a divorce.  You have an ex-spouse, ex friends, ex homes, ex material possessions, ex traditions, and the worst, ex in-laws.  When everyone thinks of divorce they think, wow - how hard is it on the kids and the spouses.  But there is a much bigger picture here.  There are a lot more ex's that are just as hard to come to grips with.

The ex traditions are hard.  After my divorce I suddenly found myself with nothing to do on Christmas Eve, when the past 18 years I had spent Christmas Eve with Grandma Pokey and all of my husband's family.  It was a long night.  And that was just one example.  Easter was weird and sad, and birthdays, horse shows, etc...  It's one part learning to live again and 3 parts starting over.  Each year got easier and eventually we came up with new traditions to take the place of old traditions and life moves on.  But there is always that little part of your heart that remembers.

Ex material things still pop up from time to time.  Every now and then I will see a picture of something that I lost in the divorce or reach for something that I no longer have and its a twinge of ugh.  But things are just things and not worth losing sleep over.

Ex friends is so hard.  Throughout my divorce it was always my goal to not make my friends choose.  I never wanted my friends to have to pick a side and who knows who would be on the losing side of that choice.  Unfortunately it happens.  People pick sides and sometimes you don't even get the opportunity to share your side of the story.  It's just how divorce works.  I kept a journal leading up to the divorce, one of the things I worried about the most was how I would deal with the loss of friendships and people believing things about me that they wouldn't ever hear my side of.  It's inevitable and I tell myself that those friends that really knew me and were worth keeping in my life wouldn't believe stories about me without hearing my side first.  But still, there are the ex friends and you just learn to deal with it.

The worst part about divorce are the ex-in-laws.  I went from having a great big family with a ton of little nieces and nephews; to having to watch from the sidelines as they grew.  People always think about the immediate families, but so few of us think about those extensions of the family.  There were a host of little ones that I was going to have to learn to live without.

But I was lucky.  I've been so blessed that Shannon's family has been able to put aside their feelings in the divorce and have kept me in their family.  It hasn't always been easy and I'm not going to say it hasn't caused words between some of them, but I am so thankful that they have remained my friends and have allowed me to continue to be a part of their lives.  I currently have one of my former nieces in class and she still calls me her aunt, as does her little sister who gives me a giant hug every single time she seems me in the hallway.  Those hugs make my day and I can't thank their mom enough for still being my "sister", even if it is just in the minds of a first and fifth grader.  It wasn't always easy, but gets easier as the years go by.  It's always a work in progress, but aren't our kids worth a little work and forgiveness?

I hope that more families can be and are like Shannon's family.  Divorce doesn't have to mean the end of a family unit.  It can be just a change in how that family works.  But for the kids involved, ALL the kids, isn't it better for everyone to learn to get along with the new family dynamic and keep the family unit together?  They say it takes a village to raise a child.  I couldn't agree more, so let's keep that village together and raise these kids to be loving and kind and open to change by example.  Best of luck families!

Things I wish I didn't have to tell my kids

Am I the only parent who gets sick of having to say the same things over and over again?  Every time I say some of the following, I get a teeny bit (sometimes a giant bit) annoyed.  When my kids were littler it was one thing.  I realized that the littles have the attention span of a gnat and the memory for all things mom related of about 10 nanoseconds.  If it is their favorite movie, video game, directions to their friend's house, etc... they have the memory of an elephant.  But when it comes to, "Where do your toys go?" they seem to draw a complete blank.  The following is a list of things I feel like I've been saying every single day for the past 17 years.  (Maybe I'm exaggerating just a little... maybe.)

1.  Brush your teeth.  Why do I still have to tell my children this every morning and evening?  At what point will it just become a habit for them? I will never understand why every time I tell them to brush their teeth they act as if I asked them to cut off one of their limbs.  Brushing your teeth isn't painful.  It isn't even that time consuming.  Afterwards you're left with a minty fresh CLEAN feeling in your mouth and, BONUS, your breath won't knock out the people you talk to.  So what's the big deal?  Brush your damn teeth.  They are all of the age when they are interested in finding a boyfriend or girlfriend.  I would guess that will be slightly easier if you're not missing any of your teeth or have teeth that look like they are growing fuzz.

2.  Make your bed.  I'm going to require you to make your bed.  Every single day.  Don't try to skip it.  Don't try to lie about it.  Just do it.  Again, it takes 10 seconds.  None of our beds are complicated.  I'm not asking for hospital corners.  Flip the comforter over the top.  Throw your pillows at the head of the bed.  Done.  Voila - your room instantly looks cleaner.  There's another little life lesson courtesy of mom.  You never know when someone will stop by and you don't want your dirty sheets hanging out there.  Or maybe you'll have to evacuate your home and the fire department will go through your home.  You'll be glad you had your bed made then.

3. Wear your coat.  I'm not talking about when it is 60 something degrees or even 30 something degrees.  Apparently children don't feel the cold, I get that.  I mean I teach 5th and 6th graders, those little buggers inner thermostats are definitely set at a higher degree than mine is.  The other day when it warmed up to 37 they couldn't figure out why they had to put coats on to go out for recess.  But when it is -20 and a wind chill advisory, why do I have to tell you, child, to wear your coat?  It seems like common sense.  You know, wanting to keep all your fingers, toes and oh - life and all that.  "But it's too bulky, it's too heavy, I don't like it."  Hmmm..  tough, I like you and all of your extremities so you're wearing your coat.

4.  Put things back where you found them.  Why should I ever have to "pick up" the house?  I mean, I put things away when I'm done with them so I'm not picking up my mess.  And if everyone would just put their own things away then I wouldn't have to ever "pick up" the house.  And my favorite, when you tell a child to put something back; they either wait so long that I end up just doing it anyway (part of their evil plan) or they put it back only kind of close to where it is supposed to go.  ie... the bag of chips may end up in the kitchen, but not in the pantry.  I hate hate hate that I have to be a nazi about things and demand that they come put stuff back where they found it.  But what favors am I doing if I constantly clean up after them?  So really, just pick up after your own damn self.

5.  Put your laundry away.  My kids are all over the age of 12 and therefore officially all responsible for their own laundry.  They need to put it in the wash, transfer it to the dryer AND put it away.  They really don't even argue with me about 1 and 2 any more.  But wow - why can they not just put it away.  It only took me a few seconds to train Tim on laundry.  When I moved in, the entire downstairs was covered in loads of clean laundry.  If they needed something, they went and dug around on the couches until they found what they needed.  If I could put a horrified emoji on here, I would.  It wasn't long after I moved in that I folded all of that and had them put it away.  Next I taught Tim that if you put away each load AS it comes out of the dryer, the task becomes something that is very doable.  Putting away one load of laundry literally takes 5 minutes, especially when it is already sorted by room/child.  When you let it get to six loads of laundry it can consume a whole afternoon and then I agree - who would want to do that?   I do give myself a little pat on the back for parenting in respect to laundry.  Libby admitted the other day that some of her classmates are nervous about doing their own laundry at college because they have no idea how to.  Libby told them she's been doing her own for years and has no fears about that at least.   You're welcome Libby.

While some of these are said half in jest, believe me I do understand that kids are kids, there are a few things that I wish my kids (all my kids) would understand:
It really sucks having to be the bad guy.  Sometimes being a parent is the toughest job.  I would love nothing more than to be the fun friend that you can laugh and joke with.  Most of the time, those chores I give you, I would just rather do them myself. I hate having to give consequences, tell you when you are not doing the right thing, or tell you that you can't do things you want to do.  But the fact of the matter is, I have to.  I have to be a parent.  I understand not everyone does.  Heck - I see it all the time within our own household.  That's part of the hard part of being in a step family situation.  It sucks when you have to be the bad guy because the other parents don't parent.  But parent we must because we don't want our kids to grow up to be, well, assholes.  If they get mad at us in the process, we just hope and pray that someday in the future they realize that we did what we did because we loved them.

I cry about you, a lot.  You may think you can't hurt me, but you do.  A lot.  I cry when you say those things; I hate you, you're no fun, why can't you just buy this, etc....  Oh sure, I don't cry in front of you, or at least I do my best not to.  But later, when I don't have to be strong, I cry.  I cry because I love you so very much that I'm willing to put my own feelings aside to be the parent that you need.

A thank you would be nice.  While I love watching you play, perform or succeed; I don't live for spending my entire life either driving to events or sitting at them.  Believe it or not, Mommy had hobbies before she had kids that she wouldn't mind doing again.  But I gladly give them up to be the face in the audience that you see.  So maybe instead of taking your frustration of the game out on me or being angry when I arrive 5 minutes late, try a thank you every now and then.  It would mean a lot to me. 

A product review! Good Girl!

So I've never done a product review on my blog before.  That tells you that this product must be pretty darn amazing.  It really is and I can't say enough about it.  This product has changed our household and our family. 

From the title, you may think that I am talking about myself with the "Good Girl".  Not even close.  The product I want to rave about today is the "Good Girl collar" made by the GoodBoy Company.  Link to the product here:  Good Girl collar

If you were to go to the page on Amazon, you would see that this is a collar designed to help you stop your dog from barking.  If you have visited my house at all in the past 4 years, you know that this is a very real problem in our house.  We love our little Pixie Dust, but she loves the sound of her own voice way too much. 

It isn't all her fault.  She was a very good puppy and I left her home with my ex-boyfriend to train.  Yeah, the one who virtually never left my house as he was unemployed and home all the time, seemed like a good option to train a puppy.  He trained her all right.  Trained her to bark that is.  It was oh so cute to howl and make noises and get her to barking.  Okay, so admittedly it was pretty cute.  But it progressed as an adult to the point that if anyone dared to sing out loud or even goof off and start talking loudly, she gets to howling and barking.  He also seemed to think it was really cute to teach her to bark when people came over.  When someone would knock or ring the doorbell the barking would be encouraged with "Who's here?" or "Get 'em, Pixie."  And yeah - we laughed because, awww the little 4 lb dog thinks she is so ferocious.  Except it got to the point where the commercials with doorbell sounds on them sent her into a fit of barking that didn't stop. 

As a family we were at our wit's end.  We like to host family gatherings and every single time someone new would arrive Pixie would go into a barking fit that lasted several minutes, despite us yelling no, picking her up, even swatting her.  New Year's Eve was the final straw - it was nearly constant barking that drove us and our guests crazy.  So the week following, I searched Amazon.  I'm not going to lie, when I first started searching I was looking for a shock collar.  I know some people are wildly against them, but at this point I was desperate. 

The problem is this.  Pixie is supposed to be a long haired chihuahua, but everyone from vets, strangers and her groomer agree that she is much more likely at last part yorkie.  Whatever the case, she is tiny; like 4 pounds tiny.  The smallest rated shock collar was for a 7 lb dog and I hated the thought of how much that would hurt a dog nearly half that size.  Yes we joked about how it would probably cure the problem pretty quickly but I could not have done that to Pixie (or any dog).  During my search I did come across this anti-barking collar called the GoodBoy collar.  So I did a little research.

This collar is NOT a shock collar, it is a vibration collar.  It causes no physical harm to the dog, just vibrates.  You can not just put the collar on and expect the dog to figure it out.  You have to train the dog to associate the warning tone (it gives warning tones 2-3 times before actually giving the vibration) with the command "NO!".  The collar was rated for a dog 7 lbs and up, but not because it may harm the dog, but they didn't feel it would get small enough for a dog less than that. I looked up with reviews and of course, as always, there were a few negative.  However, overwhelming the responses were very positive.  Complete with the "you saved my dog" type acclamations.  I became determined that I could make this collar fit Pixie and ordered one. 

It arrived in a tiny little box.  I'm not going to lie - I was blown away by how tiny the box was and couldn't imagine that anything from that box would actually work on Pixie.  But I was determined, remember.  So I opened it up and was pleased with how sturdy the collar looked and how cute it actually was.  The collar comes in "boy blue" and "girl pink" so Pixie's collar says "Good Girl" and is pink.  With very little finagling and only a little cutting and burning of the new rough edges, I had that collar fitted to Miss Barksalot and ready to try out. 

For the first 24 hours you just leave the collar turned off and let the dog get used to it.  She got used to it really quickly, only shaking her head a few times.  The next day I nervously turned it on.  It wasn't long before I had a chance to see if it worked when someone came home.  She went to bark and the collar gave a loud warning beep.  I can't lie, I giggled hysterically because her reaction was to start spinning in circles trying to figure out where that sound was coming from.  She barked again and got another tone.  Meanwhile I was telling her no and when she barked the next time and got the vibration she immediately ran away from the door and jumped up by me at the table.  From that point on we worked on training her by putting her in situations she would normally bark and giving her the no command.  Every single time she has stopped barking within one, possibly two barks since. 

GoodBoy collar fixed my dog and saved all of our sanity!  We do feel bad that she isn't able to bark in play anymore and would love for there to come a time when that would be possible.  However, it is a small trade off for having her not bark nonstop at anyone that comes to our home, including each and every one of us!  It's truly amazing.  She is a whole new dog.  She still gets excited and whines when we get home, but no constant barking!  It's so quiet and wonderful. 

The only downfall to the collar is that even when she sneezes she gets the warning tone.  I have read on the directions that you can turn the sensitivity down, which is something we will likely be doing in the next few days now that she is fairly trained to keep quiet. 

So as far as reviews go, I love this product.  It allows me to have a amazing, loving, little dog without all the ear splitting annoying barking that drove us crazy.  We have our house back and Pixie has proven that she can be taught!  Just needed the right motivation! 

A little something different - a poem

So... yeah, I write poetry.  And I don't share it.  Usually.  I've written very few over the years that I've been brave enough to share with anyone.  But sometimes words, thoughts and emotions aren't meant to be shared in the traditional sentence and paragraph form.

Blindsided
by Melissa Andring

You see him
Standing there
Out of the blue
It's been so long
You thought you were over it
But in that one breath you realize
You're not

Breathe

It's just him
He's just a person
But your pulse races
Your heartbeat echoing in your chest
Your stomach clenches
Your breathing speeds up, shallow
Why is he here?  He's not supposed to be here.  I'm not prepared.

Breathe

This isn't love
It's something darker
A monster clawing at your heart and head
Fear
Anxiety
Hurt
Memories crashing over you in waves

Breathe

Suddenly you're that girl
That weak
Scared
Girl
The one he called repulsive
And crazy
And you feel yourself sucked back into feeling... small

Breathe

Cold
So cold
Shaking
Stop shaking
Can't breathe
Every sound so loud
Why am I so cold?

Breathe

What to do?
Run
Hide
Is he watching?
Those extra pounds I can't lose
Why did I wear this?
I hate my hair

Breathe

You've got this
He doesn't control you
Breathe
Be strong
People are watching
Don't let the children see or know.

Breathe

Later
Home
Safe
The tears begin to fall
The walls crashing down
You let the hurt take over

Breathe

Strength
Bruised
Not broken
He can't hurt you now
If you don't let him
Remember
Remember he was wrong

Breathe

Let
It
Go
You're beautiful
You're wanted
You're a warrior
Survivor

Just breathe

Be like a glow stick

There is a story going around Facebook, more of a status that has been shared over and over.  I'm going to admit that I skimmed it pretty quickly, but the story was about a gal observing two little boys in a store.  The oldest boy was getting a pack of glow sticks and of course the younger brother saw this and wanted one.  The older boy gave his younger brother a glow stick and the little one was delighted.  Then the older brother took back the glow stick, not to be mean, but to snap it and make it glow.  The little brother was devastated about the loss of his glow stick until his brother returned it all shiny and beautiful.

The author of that status compared that situation to her own life.  She made the connection that, throughout her life, she went along thinking things were going pretty well, like the little boy with his dull glow stick.  But then there would be a rough patch in her life, a snap, a crack, to show her that things could be so much better.   I, too, could make this connection.

In the times since my divorce it has never ceased to amaze me how my life just keeps getting better.  It took some really awful times, that snap/crack to wake me up and show me how to make my life better.  I look back on the earlier versions of myself and kind of want to crawl in a hole and die of embarrassment.  But I also want to jump up and down and celebrate how far I've come since that person.  I used to be bitter, judgmental, angry and scared so much of the time.  I had all these walls up around myself that I refused to let anyone behind.  And I thought this was just how it was.  This was as good as it got. 

Marriage is an example.  I've probably talked about this a dozen times before, but I really had the wrong idea of marriage.  I thought it was supposed to be hard work.  Husbands complaining about their wives, wives complaining about their husbands.  Lack of physical intimacy, because really, wasn't that just young "puppy" love?  Escaping from each other with friends and hobbies. Arguing and compromising.  Lying, hiding, sneaking, frustrating, forgiving and asking for forgiveness.  I thought a lot of things about marriage and most of them were a load of crap.  But I thought it was just how marriage was.  I thought my marriage was fine.  It took that snap/crack to show me how wrong I was. 

And that snap/crack was a painful one.  It brought me to my knees more than once and forced me to take a long, hard look at myself and who I was.  Not just as a wife, but as a person as a whole.  Not surprisingly, I didn't like all that I saw.  So I had my work cut out for me to be a better person. 

Marriage can be and is so much better than that.  I know Tim and I are still new to this second marriage, but I honestly can't imagine life without my husband by my side.  I've never experienced this level of a partnership or this much love.  He's the person I can't wait to get home to and the person I can't wait to wake up next to.  It's wanting the other to be happy, even if it means not getting your way or not getting to be right.  It's having someone to talk to, bounce ideas off of, lift you up, be your person in your corner.  It's holding hands and kissing and.... (keeping it real here folks).  I'm sure we will have a real argument sometime - but part of the not arguing is being thankful for your partner and realizing that some of the little annoyances in life are just that - minor details. 

I could go on, but I guess how happy I am today isn't the real point of this blog.  The real point is this - the hardest times in our lives aren't the end.  They are the snap, the crack that means better things are coming.  What we need to do is learn from them and know that sometimes it just takes a little break to propel us toward the best.