1. Brush your teeth. Why do I still have to tell my children this every morning and evening? At what point will it just become a habit for them? I will never understand why every time I tell them to brush their teeth they act as if I asked them to cut off one of their limbs. Brushing your teeth isn't painful. It isn't even that time consuming. Afterwards you're left with a minty fresh CLEAN feeling in your mouth and, BONUS, your breath won't knock out the people you talk to. So what's the big deal? Brush your damn teeth. They are all of the age when they are interested in finding a boyfriend or girlfriend. I would guess that will be slightly easier if you're not missing any of your teeth or have teeth that look like they are growing fuzz.
2. Make your bed. I'm going to require you to make your bed. Every single day. Don't try to skip it. Don't try to lie about it. Just do it. Again, it takes 10 seconds. None of our beds are complicated. I'm not asking for hospital corners. Flip the comforter over the top. Throw your pillows at the head of the bed. Done. Voila - your room instantly looks cleaner. There's another little life lesson courtesy of mom. You never know when someone will stop by and you don't want your dirty sheets hanging out there. Or maybe you'll have to evacuate your home and the fire department will go through your home. You'll be glad you had your bed made then.
3. Wear your coat. I'm not talking about when it is 60 something degrees or even 30 something degrees. Apparently children don't feel the cold, I get that. I mean I teach 5th and 6th graders, those little buggers inner thermostats are definitely set at a higher degree than mine is. The other day when it warmed up to 37 they couldn't figure out why they had to put coats on to go out for recess. But when it is -20 and a wind chill advisory, why do I have to tell you, child, to wear your coat? It seems like common sense. You know, wanting to keep all your fingers, toes and oh - life and all that. "But it's too bulky, it's too heavy, I don't like it." Hmmm.. tough, I like you and all of your extremities so you're wearing your coat.
4. Put things back where you found them. Why should I ever have to "pick up" the house? I mean, I put things away when I'm done with them so I'm not picking up my mess. And if everyone would just put their own things away then I wouldn't have to ever "pick up" the house. And my favorite, when you tell a child to put something back; they either wait so long that I end up just doing it anyway (part of their evil plan) or they put it back only kind of close to where it is supposed to go. ie... the bag of chips may end up in the kitchen, but not in the pantry. I hate hate hate that I have to be a nazi about things and demand that they come put stuff back where they found it. But what favors am I doing if I constantly clean up after them? So really, just pick up after your own damn self.
5. Put your laundry away. My kids are all over the age of 12 and therefore officially all responsible for their own laundry. They need to put it in the wash, transfer it to the dryer AND put it away. They really don't even argue with me about 1 and 2 any more. But wow - why can they not just put it away. It only took me a few seconds to train Tim on laundry. When I moved in, the entire downstairs was covered in loads of clean laundry. If they needed something, they went and dug around on the couches until they found what they needed. If I could put a horrified emoji on here, I would. It wasn't long after I moved in that I folded all of that and had them put it away. Next I taught Tim that if you put away each load AS it comes out of the dryer, the task becomes something that is very doable. Putting away one load of laundry literally takes 5 minutes, especially when it is already sorted by room/child. When you let it get to six loads of laundry it can consume a whole afternoon and then I agree - who would want to do that? I do give myself a little pat on the back for parenting in respect to laundry. Libby admitted the other day that some of her classmates are nervous about doing their own laundry at college because they have no idea how to. Libby told them she's been doing her own for years and has no fears about that at least. You're welcome Libby.
While some of these are said half in jest, believe me I do understand that kids are kids, there are a few things that I wish my kids (all my kids) would understand:
It really sucks having to be the bad guy. Sometimes being a parent is the toughest job. I would love nothing more than to be the fun friend that you can laugh and joke with. Most of the time, those chores I give you, I would just rather do them myself. I hate having to give consequences, tell you when you are not doing the right thing, or tell you that you can't do things you want to do. But the fact of the matter is, I have to. I have to be a parent. I understand not everyone does. Heck - I see it all the time within our own household. That's part of the hard part of being in a step family situation. It sucks when you have to be the bad guy because the other parents don't parent. But parent we must because we don't want our kids to grow up to be, well, assholes. If they get mad at us in the process, we just hope and pray that someday in the future they realize that we did what we did because we loved them.
I cry about you, a lot. You may think you can't hurt me, but you do. A lot. I cry when you say those things; I hate you, you're no fun, why can't you just buy this, etc.... Oh sure, I don't cry in front of you, or at least I do my best not to. But later, when I don't have to be strong, I cry. I cry because I love you so very much that I'm willing to put my own feelings aside to be the parent that you need.
A thank you would be nice. While I love watching you play, perform or succeed; I don't live for spending my entire life either driving to events or sitting at them. Believe it or not, Mommy had hobbies before she had kids that she wouldn't mind doing again. But I gladly give them up to be the face in the audience that you see. So maybe instead of taking your frustration of the game out on me or being angry when I arrive 5 minutes late, try a thank you every now and then. It would mean a lot to me.
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