"I love you" isn't once a year

It's that time for my yearly vent.  Valentine's Day - ugh.  With all the hustle, bustle and drowning in red and pink, it's easy to get swept up into the "spirit" of the holiday.  I have taken it as my personal mission in life to preach about my argument against this holiday and this year will be no exception.  I hope beyond hope that I set an example for my own children that carries into their future relationships and I hope beyond hope that some of my friends and family hear me and take my words to heart. 

The title of the post pretty much says it all.  "I love you" shouldn't be just once a year.  Far too often in relationships I see where significant others feel they are "off the hook" because they remembered the Big Three: birthday, anniversary and Valentine's Day.  We feel that if we make a big deal out of Valentine's Day and shower our loved ones with chocolates, candy, jewelry and dinners out, it makes up for the other 364 days a year when we don't make loving them a priority.  I get it, life is busy.  Life is hectic, but love needs to be a priority.  I've said it before and I'll say it again, if you can't show them you love them all the rest of the year long, a dozen roses on February 14th isn't going to change how they feel about your relationship. 

Again, I'm coming from a negative background on Valentine's Day.  I've spent too many Valentine's to count where my impression of the holiday was disappointment.  One Valentine's when I was married to my first husband, I got a coupon to McDonald's for a couple dollars off and he was giving me the silent treatment.  Needless to say, that was our last Valentine's together.  You know, the old straw and camel business.  I got roses from an ex to try to make up for cheating.  I got nothing.  I got... you get the picture.  But in their defense, some of that disappointment came from expectations; expectations not based on reality, but on media.  Expectations that one day of the year could make up for feeling unloved, unwanted, and like a failure the rest of the year long. 

Tim is one lucky man, I expect nothing for Valentine's Day.  But Tim is lucky because Tim tells me he loves me every single day and shows me even more than that.  Just last week I got a jar full of flowers delivered to my desk at work.  Why?  Because he wanted me to know he loved me, appreciated me and considered himself lucky to have me.  (Aside: funny story.  My students just couldn't figure out why a husband would send flowers randomly.  One student commented "I bet he wrecked something of yours!"  Typical fifth grade escalation... the next student yells, "I bet it was your kitchen!"  To which the first student blurts out, "I bet he blew up the stove!"  I can't say enough how much I love working with 10 year olds.)  But the fact remains - random flowers.  We are constantly surprising each other with random cards, texts, songs, dinner dates, etc...  But Tim and I have a unique perspective coming from our failed relationships.  We know what didn't work and so far, we are doing a pretty darn good impression of figuring out what does. 

Let's take note of some of the ways we can show we love one another:
1.  An "I love you" text or meme throughout the day.
2. Filling up their car with gas, especially in the winter when no one wants to stand outside in the cold.
3.  Speaking of cars - washing their car, vacuuming their car, taking a rag to their car, even hanging something fresh smelling in their car.
4.  Doing some odd job around the house that they have been putting off (ie...I hate dusting....)
5.  Putting a treat in their car or coat pocket - nothing like finding a Cadbury egg on your dash to make your day.
6.  Running to the grocery store to get that last minute ingredient so they don't have to.
7.  Taking care of them when they are sick.
8.  Texting to ask how their day was, if they made it home safe, if they made it to work, telling them to be safe, etc...
9.  Hugs, kisses, holding hands
10.  Doing household chores together
11.  Dinner dates
12.  A random card or note to say "I love you" or "I'm thinking of you". 
13.  Telling them thank you or that you appreciate them.
14.  Massages!
15.  Cooking them a special meal or their favorite treat
16.  Affection - any kind, even that quick cheek squeeze (and I'm not talking the grandma "squishy cheek" kind.
17.  Spontaneous sex
18.  Watching their favorite show with them, even if you'd rather be watching a Hallmark movie
19.  Be okay with doing nothing with them, just be, sit and listen
20.  Laugh!  Send them a funny joke, tell them a funny joke, watch a funny movie.
21.  Dance.  Turn on a slow song and dance close, or turn up a fast one and dance until you laugh.
22.  Take photos together.  Share them with the world. 
23.  Tell them you are proud of them.  That is a huge one for me and anyone else who has been made to feel less than worthy and a burden. 
24.  Reminisce about when you met, your first date, your wedding - those memories remind you of a happy time and bring to life the overwhelming love you have for each other.
25.  Listen to their stories of their past without judgment.  This is huge, what a way to show someone you love them!  We all make mistakes, we can't hold their paths to us against them. 

I guess the moral of my story is this; don't wait for the once, twice or three times a year to show our loved ones how important they are.  Love them and let them know they are loved every single day.  If you want to show your significant other they are extra specially loved on Valentine's... well... I have some ideas for that too.

DIY Ideas for a Valentine's Gift they will love