Dating after 30, 40, 50...

You’ve all seen the memes.  There are more people than ever dating at a much older age.  And realistically there is some truth behind those memes. A little kernel of truth in every meme as they say. (Maybe they don’t say and I just made that up but it seems true to me.) But it is true.  The dating pool is full of people who have been in at least one bad relationship and sometimes by bad I mean horrifically damaging.  It’s full of single parents with custody arrangements and co-parent drama. There are people who have wrinkles, stretch marks, love handles, less hair, more spots, you name it - we older folks have it.  We may be far from perfect in the physical appearance column and quite a few of us are even father from perfect in the mental health column but do not despair!  There is a positive side to dating after 30 as well.  Hang on, I'm getting there.

When I divorced I fell right into a relationship with an old boyfriend from high school and a current friend.  And I mean fell, because it was easy.  I went on one date with someone else before that relationship.  But it was someone from my local hometown.  Someone I knew.  Someone that literally lived just down the street.  It was fine but as you can probably tell from where I am today, that didn't work out.  But it was convenient and it was easy.  Because let's be honest, the biggest problem with dating after 30 is where do you meet people.  I literally posed that question out loud.  Where do you meet people after 30?

When I was younger the dating pool consisted of guys from high school or neighboring schools, then guys in classes at college or friends with friends at college, or guys you met at the bar.  There were lots and lots of guys to meet.   None of those are options at 30.  Well.  Not good options - I suppose you could still pick up guys at the bar, but some of us outgrew Thirsty Thursday and Ladies Night a while ago.  Options after 30 seem to be:  Guys between relationships at work, guys at church or guys your friends set you up with.  (Blind dates - insert shudder here.)  But then there was that "other" option.  Online dating.  Which seemed like kind of a joke when someone suggested it.  And when the commercials came on TV for Christian Mingle or Farmer's Only, the girls and I would laugh and laugh and they would say, you should try it!

So we laughed some more and then I did.  And here's what I learned about meeting people after 30 (40 or 50).  Online dating is really a viable option.  There are literally hundreds of people out there with very busy lives like your own, that have time and want to talk, but can't be sitting at the bar hoping to strike a conversation with someone who isn't actually an alcoholic or bar fly at 45.  There are hundreds of people who have been hurt by a person of your gender but also willing to give it another shot.  There are hundreds of lonely people that are just searching for some sort of companionship; be it friendship, relationship or even the dreaded "hook up".  (Hey - I'm not judging.  You do you.)  There are also hundreds of people out there who don't fit what you're looking for, but might make someone else very happy.  Judge not!

And dating after 30, 40 or 50 doesn't have to be all depression or anxiety meds and ex bashing.  I mean, there is probably a bit of that.  At least when the conversation topics dim a little.  But there is so much else to talk about when you're older.  Honestly, what did I talk about when I was dating when I was younger?  I mean, I had to have had concerns and issues, but sheesh - nothing like adult conversations.  Once a person has exhausted the weather, there are your kids.  Who can't talk about their kids for hours?  And people at work and work situations.  And politics - heck, might as well get that out on the table on the first date, right?  Could be the shortest date ever: "I think Trump has great ideas for how to fix our foreign relation issues" or you may have found your soulmate: "This division in our country needs to be healed.  We need to do away with a two party system.  It isn't working."  (All you Republicans just calm down - I'm trying to be funny here.)

There are also a whole lot less games and more straight forward, this is how it is, this is me and my issues, kind of discussion.  I'm not going to leave you on "read" or whatever nonsense kids are doing this day.  If I'm pissed at you, I'm going to tell you.  Hell, I'm probably going to warn you.  Possibly on the first date.  "This, this and this piss me off.   Can you handle that?  If not, let me know, I've got shit to do."  Older adults are more honest and forthcoming with a lot of our issues.  We don't have the kind of time it takes to pretend to be someone else to impress someone and slowly ease them into our own personal crazy.  Plus that crap is exhausting and we know it.   We are more likely to put in our bios, "I have two kids, an obsession with dogs, depression and anxiety, a healthy dose of loving chips and Top the Tator a little too much and hatred of all movies relating to or similar in content to Dumb and Dumber, Meet the Fockers or the like.  See - easy peasy.  We wear our hearts and our flaws on our sleeves.

As I said before older people are not quite as fit and beautiful and perfect as the younger versions of ourselves.  (At least on the outside.)  But the best part of that is, we don't expect you to be either!  We aren't looking for that specimen of human perfection.  We are looking for someone who has been through some crap, understands some crap and is willing to put up with some crap.  Don't get discouraged!  Even those bad dates are a chance to meet new people, experience new things and have some conversation.

I've heard a lot of really frustrated folks with online dating.  I know it isn't all cakes and wedding dresses like it was for me and my good friend.  But sometimes I think we get so caught up in wanting to find that perfect someone that we forget to be happy with meeting others and the process along the way.  And really, who doesn't want some good stories to share with their friends?  Bad dates always equal great stories.

Here's my advice, and really who doesn't want my advice?  Sign up for the online dating sites.  Talk to lots of people.  Go on a few dates with those you feel you have something to talk about.  Have zero expectations and don't pressure yourself to find Mr or Mrs Right right now.  Concentrate on meeting people, having fun and getting to know yourself.  And who knows?  Maybe you'll stumble on that perfect mate while you're at it.