I've struggled against this as a student. A parent. A teacher. This mentality goes against every fiber of my being. I wish I could wrap my brain around this train of thought. I've tried. I really really have. But I still don't get it, and after this many years, I'm afraid I never will. I was raised that if something was worth doing, it was worth doing right. I was raised to do your best at every single thing you set out to do. There was no such thing as "good enough". It was "good enough" when it was done correctly. And if possible, done even better than expected of you. So yeah, I tried hard and I still do. I'm a "try hard" I guess.
How do we combat this attitude in our own kids? How do we convince them that they shouldn't fall into the trap of it being uncool to be a good student or successful in any of the arts? Apparently the only thing it is okay to be a "try hard" in would be the sports arena and almost not then. You're supposed to make it look like you're just naturally gifted, not that you actually practiced or "tried hard" to be great at your sport. How do we get that attitude to shift towards academics and the arts? Thankfully there are enough kids that have the will and strength of character to do their best no matter what their classmates call them, but how amazing would it be if we could change this attitude amongst all of our young people? Not just a few of them, but all of them.
I know it starts at home. I know it starts with teaching our kids to do their best, that school is important and that they need to stand up for what they believe in. But you remember your teenage years right? Peer pressure is like a sucking void that no matter how much you crawl and scratch and try to pry yourself out of, it seems to whip your feet out and pull you under. Is there a way to change a class culture or a school culture? I'm trying.
Last weekend we were discussing this around the table at a wedding I attended. One of the guests was the parent of a student I had had in class a few years ago. She said that her daughter still remembers the time when her classmates were teasing her for going above and beyond on her project. Apparently I told her classmates that overachievers are people who succeed and they better treat her nicer because someday she would be the boss (or running the country). While I hope I said it nicely, it does sound like something I would say.
I'm also trying with my current class of sixth graders. Growth Mindset. If you haven't heard the new buzz phrase, growth mindset is what successful people have. It is the ability to make mistakes and learn from them, not quit. It is looking at a challenge with excitement. It is knowing that the things that aren't easy are the biggest opportunities to grow and better ourselves. This is something that I am pushing all of my current sixth graders to embrace and I will continue to keep nagging (I mean sharing) with my own children. Life is going to be hard. Embrace the difficulties and learn from them.
Anyone can google growth mindset and find a ton of resources. I found an amazing growth mindset journal that we are doing as a sixth grade class. I also downloaded and printed one for Sophie and I to work on which is an older student version. There is a journal you can order and subscribe to called Big Life Journal. They have great resources. And I'll just leave this little graphic here too.
It's a lot of retraining the brain and that's all we can do. Keep doing our best and working to be our best. That's what we need to model for our kids and share with them I guess. Sometimes it feels a bit like swimming against the current, but if I'm going to have a growth mindset about challenges, I guess I need to stop saying "it's too hard" and just keep working on doing the best job I can. So folks - I may not have figured out how to teach my kid to stop saying she doesn't want to be a try hard.... YET.
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