Why it takes women so long to get dressed...

It takes me forever to get dressed.  Sometimes I change 3 or 4 times.  The invention of Pinterest has helped, I'm not going to lie.  I will search denim shirt and leggings or black pants with button up, just to get style ideas.  Because, I can't even begin to describe, how much anxiety getting dressed in the morning causes me.  And I hate it.  I really truly do.  I'm not talking about your typical weekend or holiday break morning.  That's easy.  Barn jeans and a tshirt or sweatshirt depending on the weather.  Maybe a layer or two as we head into fall.  And even a "going out" outfit doesn't cause me nearly as much stress as getting ready for each day of work.  Going out is fairly easy to because I CAN WEAR JEANS.  Do people not realize, literally everything goes with jeans.  But Monday - Friday I practically need an Ativan to get out the door.

I envy those of you who have no idea what I'm talking about.  You know what I don't understand?  Those people that plan their outfits for the week in advance.  Right?  Those people are out there.  I have a friend who literally decides on Sunday what she's going to wear every day of the week.  How is that possible?  How do you KNOW what you will be like on Wednesday?  What if you're having a chubby day and those leggings just aren't going to happen?  What if it is "that time" and wearing white pants is a BAD idea? What if it is colder or warmer than the forecast predicts (because let's be honest, that sucker is NEVER right)?  I could never be someone who sets out their clothes for the week.  Heck, I could never be someone who sets out their clothes for the next day.  There are days when the clothes I pick out before I get in the shower don't even make the cut for what I walk out the door in.

What's the big deal you say?  Who am I trying to impress?  According to my anxiety and the social cues I have received, apparently every single person I meet.  I think, after reflecting over the events of last week, I have finally nailed down why some of us women take so long to get dressed.  First and foremost, we obviously care WAY too much what others think.  And secondly, that is because other women are constantly judging us.  You think I'm kidding?  As much as I wish I was, my personal experience has proven that to be false.  I'm not saying every other woman.  Heck, you won't catch me judging.  Most of the time you won't catch me even noticing.  I have always said that kids get away with wearing whatever (and it may be flagrantly against our dress code) because I just don't notice those kinds of things.  Unless I really love it because it is a floral print and then I'm saying something like "Where did you get that - I want it!".  And I do notice when others put together a really smashing outfit because again, I'm envious of how some people do it with ease.  So I know there are others who don't judge.  But there are a enough women who do and enough women who aren't afraid to say it out loud TO YOU that, for those of us with anxiety, it is always in the back of our minds.

Let me tell you what I have heard over the years from coworkers, friends even.  Usually phrased as a "joke" with just enough of an undertone to make a person squirmy.

"Isn't that dress a little short?" The day I wore a tunic OVER leggings.  With a sweater over that if I remember correctly.
"You're brave to wear yoga pants to work" The day I wore my brand new cotton dress pants with pockets that were decidely NOT yoga pants.
"Do you wear any color besides black?"
"Oh wow -that's a bright color, you never wear things that color."
"You're wearing a sweater?  I'm so hot!"
"Why are you wearing pants?  It's 80 degrees out!" (Maybe I should send them my "I have psoriasis" blog.)

I could go on.  There is literally at least one critique every other week about what I am wearing if not every week.  Again, these are not compliments.  I have plenty of mental issues, but I can tell the difference between a compliment and a thinly veiled critique.  Some are more outright critiques.  I have had a family member visit their student at school and feel the need to talk to my administrator about my attire.  They were worried about the fact that I was wearing leggings and everyone could "see my butt".  This was the day when I had a long tunic top over my leggings with a blanket scarf over that and draped around me as a shawl.  I had high boots on also so what was exposed of my body was the six inches around my KNEES.  My scandalous, covered with black leggings, knees.  Thankfully my administration brushed it off and reassured me I was fine.  But it was literally traumatic.  I always take great care to make sure my "jiggly bits" are covered when I wear leggings. To have someone imply that I was being inappropriate still bothers me weeks later.

Let me break it down for all of you who never were taught "if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all".   It is never okay to shame someone for their choice of clothing.  It is never okay to make fun of someone's outfit.  It is never okay to point out that you wouldn't wear what they are wearing.  It is never okay to question if someone's outfit is appropriate.  It is literally NONE OF YOUR DAMN BUSINESS.  If you are said person's boss and they are violating dress code then you, you can say something.  The rest of you.  Sssh!

Thanks to the critiques and my own insecurities, this is what getting dressed for the last wedding I went to sounded like.  "Hey guys, what should I wear?  The dress I was planning to wear is sleeveless and it is too cold for it.  Should I wear this?  No?  I can't wear jeans, it is a wedding guys.  No, I can't wear black leggings and a dark sweater, it is a wedding I said!  OMG -  You guys HAVE TO HELP ME!  YOU'RE NOT HELPING!  No, not that, I look fat.  Not that, I'm too old to wear that.  That's too cold.  That's too short.  It looks like I'm trying too hard. YOU GUYS, I HAVE TO GET DRESSED RIGHT NOW.  HELP ME!"  At least 5 outfits later I was out the door.  And for the record.  I froze. 

But this is what we women have done to each other.  I'm literally worried about what every single person will think when they see me in the outfit.  Is it hip enough?  Stylish?  Which shoes?  Boots?  Sandals? Hair accessories? Matches colors, but not too much because apparently that's a bad thing too?  Patterns together okay?  What under shirt?  A cami? Does this undershirt show?  Should it? Is my butt covered? Am I showing too much cleavage?  Will I be able to bend over?  Can you see any of my psoriasis? Will this be itchy later?  Is this bra showing through?  Do I have panty lines?  Is it too tight?  How does this color look on me? What will people think?  Scarf or no scarf?  Jewelry?  Will I be warm enough?  Too warm?  And now, now I have to worry about my butt showing THROUGH two over-layers on top of all the other worries.   Literally that is just getting dressed - not even hair or makeup. 

I don't worry about what my husband will say because he has proven that he loves me no matter what.  But other women... sharks.  It is time we stop pointing out the negative in each other.  It's time we stop the back handed compliments, the sly looks, the up and down stare and simply rejoice that we are all very different.  Stop judging a woman's character based off of what she wears and stop trying to shame women because they show any part of their body.  Why does it matter?  Wouldn't it be amazing if we could all just wear what makes us most comfortable and not have to worry about what someone else would feel the need to say??

It really boils down to a very simple life lesson.  Even if you haven't seen the movie Bambi, I'm sure somewhere along the line you've heard it....