If you're lucky enough to live in a family with supportive parents, you're weaned onto that adulting thing slowly. Maybe you get to middle school and the folks tell you to deal with that bully on your own or go talk to the teacher that didn't give you the grade you wanted. But they also let you know they were waiting in the wings to back you up if you needed it. Next you get a part time job and start making a little money. Maybe the folks tell you that you can start paying for your own "extras" - that name brand pair of jeans or that night out with your friends at the movies. You're starting to get pretty confident in your independence by the time that magical date rolls around.
Your 18th birthday. You're finally adult! Lucky you! Yay! Now you can tell those pesky parents that you are in charge. Personally I will never forget after Libby turned 18. I overheard her telling her sister that she was 18 and didn't have to listen to us or tell us everything anymore. After all, she was an adult. Fast forward a few days and we went out to eat as a family. I may have told the waitress that we were all on one check except Libby. She was shocked and exclaimed to which I responded, "well you're an adult - adults buy their own food." Life lesson. And yes, I paid for her meal - poor college kids have to eat too. But the truth is, adults do buy their own food. And shampoo. And toothpaste. And.... and .... and...
Turning 18 doesn't make you an adult. Well, legally it does, but not in practice. Becoming an adult is something that happens so slowly and over time that you don't really see it happening; for most people. Little by little you're forced to make the calls, the plans, the decisions that make you an adult. Pretty soon you're not just buying that meal out at the local fast food restaurant, you're buying - ugh - groceries. Then true adulthood hits and your grocery list stops containing items like Cheez-its and Doritoes with Top the Tator and starts containing healthy foods like whole grain Cheerios and *gasp* vegetables. Eventually that counter top full of liquor bottles becomes replaced with art projects and permission forms that need signing. Before you know it you aren't using the bathroom scale to measure how much the puppy has grown and you're hoping that the numbers on the scale start to reflect that you've lost weight instead of gained any. Being adult sounds great when you're 15 or 16, but the older you get, the more you realize something.
Being adult is highly overrated. Having a nearly 20 daughter in my house has reminded of me of that fact. As I watch her struggle to become an adult, I'm reminded of those years. Those years when I desperately wanted all the perks of independence and control over myself, but wanted none of the scary stuff like having to buy my own necessities or having to call the electric company. No one in their right minds wants to go to the doctor by themselves or be sick with no one to take care of them, but welcome to adulthood kids. It ain't all it's cracked up to be. Being adulthood takes responsibility to a whole new level. Recently adulthood became a little too much for me and I lost my cool, asking for help from the kiddos because I was feeling a lot of pressure and stress. My 19 year old daughter wanted me to know that she realized I was stressed, but she had her own stress. I told her she had no idea what stress was yet and she responded that just because her stress was different, didn't mean it wasn't as real. Oh honey. Someday we will share a bottle a wine and laugh and laugh and laugh about how you thought your life was so stressful at 19, living in your parents' house, a hefty savings account to your name, college paid for and without a single bill to worry about.
Being an adult is knowing that if you don't go to work and do your job (and do it well enough), you don't eat. You lose your home. You lose your car. And not only do you lose, everyone who depends on you loses as well. There is a monumental difference between not doing well enough on a project and getting a bad grade and not doing well enough on a project and not being able to feed your family.
Being an adult, especially being a parent, is realizing that every mistake you make not only affects you, it affects your family - the people you love most in the world, and it may affect your family's family if you're setting the wrong examples.
Being an adult is making a million decisions every single day and almost immediately afterward regretting or doubting those decisions.
Being an adult is not sleeping at night because you worry about everything from "will your daughter be able to handle peer pressure" to "did I shut the light off in the bathroom" to "did I remember to pay the credit card bill on time".
Being an adult is learning to love generic mac and cheese because they are 3 boxes for $.99 instead of the $1.00 a box for Kraft. Yes, this is a very real transition adulthood brought into my life; learning I couldn't be picky.
Being an adult is wishing for a new vacuum or pots and pans for Christmas instead of jewelry or devices. It's wanting new socks and underwear instead of being disappointed to find them in your stocking. It's knowing that you may not get anything for Christmas except a handmade necklace or a colored picture from your kids because you and your spouse would rather spend money on the kids than each other.
Being an adult is hearing the things your parents used to say come out of your mouth. Things like "who left the lights on" or "I'm not made of money" or "don't make me pull this car over".
Being an adult is getting excited about ridiculous things like cancelled plans so you can have one evening at home to get caught up or a new sponge for the sink (or my personal favorite - new towels for the bathroom.)
Being an adult is worrying about others more than yourself, putting others wants and needs ahead of your own and knowing that others count on you.
Being an adult is paying bills. Lots and lots of bills. And just when you're caught up on the bills, something will break, get hurt, fall apart and you'll have new bills.
Being an adult is turning going to get groceries into a date night because you go out to eat at the Culvers beforehand. This is a two fold plan - you get a "date night" and you may not impulse buy at the grocery store if you're full.
Being an adult is being able to physically see your metabolism slow down and the weight settle around in unflattering places. You go from donuts and Mountain Dew for breakfast to trying to decide if you're going to eat a real lunch or dinner and have water and kale for the rest of the day.
Being an adult is knowing that work isn't an option, you can't quit every job that you don't love all your coworkers at and sometimes your boss will be a jerk. Too bad, go clock in because you need that paycheck and others are counting on you.
There are a lot of things about being an adult that make it not a lot of fun. It is good to note that there are a whole lot of us all slogging along in the same boat. We all choose to look past the things that make being an adult difficult and instead the things that make being an adult pretty darn awesome. For example, I can literally get in my car and drive to Dairy Queen for a blizzard any darn time I want to. That's pretty amazing. I was also able to watch my kids grow up to be pretty cool adults or near adults themselves. That's nothing to put in the negative column for sure. There have been a lot of glorious moments to offset the hard stuff and I'm certainly not trying to just complain here. There have been great moments and there are still so many yet to come. Like that day when Libby and I share that bottle of wine. I'm looking forward to that day. That will be one of the best.
No comments:
Post a Comment