Unpopular opinion: divorce and marriage

I believe in divorce. I know that it is an unpopular opinion to have, because for some reason people have it in their heads that people who have decided to get divorced, do so with little to no thought.   I do not believe that people go into marriage thinking, "well - if it doesn't work out I can just get divorced."  Not SMART people anyway.  Anyone that knows anyone that has gotten divorced knows that divorce is a hell of a lot of trouble and expense.  It isn't worth just jumping into marriage with a plan of jumping out.  Because let's be honest, it isn't like "jumping out".  It's more like dragging yourself on your elbows, through barbed wire and broken glass.  While on fire.  And with a car on top of you.  There is no jumping out.  Divorce is fighting over who gets the good towels when that is all you really have to your name.  Divorce is lawyers and court dates, custody battles and arguing over 7:00 or 8:00 and where your child sleeps and dirty laundry.  (Literally - dirty laundry).  It's ugly, it's expensive, it's long and it is the direct opposite of fun.

But people who have been married for years, or worse -people who are newly married and don't have experience with what marriage really entails, love to share the heck out of memes/quotes like the following.

Aww, how lovely.  How lovely for you that are all in the happy go lucky, I'm so in love with him, he's cute when he sucks up soup off his spoon, he can't do anything wrong stage.  Or how lovely for those of you who have a partner that will listen when you talk, will share with you when something is wrong, will work on things WITH you or care enough about you to work on themselves as a person and not expect you to do all the changing.  Not everyone in marriage is that lucky.  

Some people are in marriages with alcoholics or drug addicts, gambling addictions or worse, are being physically abused.  But.... BUUTTTT you say - "I don't mean them!"  You try to justify sharing your meme by saying "I didn't mean those who are in UNSAFE relationships, I just meant MOST marriages."  Well, then - where do you draw the line?  Cheating?  Verbal abuse?  Sexual abuse?  Controlling personalities?  Where?  What makes you the marriage expert and gives you the right to make someone reading your shared meme feel like a failure because they didn't "sit down and figure it out" or worse - because they did set boundaries (like when is that ever a bad thing?) for their own health and well being?   

Memes like the one above make my skin crawl, and it isn't just because of the complete lack of appropriate punctuation and ability to follow conventional grammar rules.  It is because of the condescending, shame creating spiral it causes in anyone who is unhappy in their marriage.  And what do people deserve?  TO BE HAPPY.  You want to know what's worse than divorce? Try living in an unhappy marriage for years and covering up that unhappiness with alcohol or spending or work because you can't stand your life.  You know what else is worse?  Having your kids growing up in an unhappy household and knowing that they are growing up thinking that this is what marriage and relationships look like.  Now that is scary.  

This second meme is ridiculous.  They were not born in a time when "if something was broken you fixed it."  Well, maybe if you're talking about the 1950 Ford Thunderbird, then yes.  But as far as marriage and relationships go, they were born in a time when physical abuse was allowed and overlooked.  When alcoholism wasn't a recognized disease.  When a woman stayed home and took care of the family, not matter what, and she was solely reliant on her husband for everything.  When she literally couldn't afford to leave her husband and was basically trapped in whatever relationship she had.    She had no say, no rights and no options.  My grandparents grew up in this time.  You know what advice I got from my grandfather on my wedding day?  He grabbed my arm, pulled me down to eye level with his wheelchair, looked me dead in the eye and said, "If he ever hits you, just remember, he will go to sleep eventually."  I've laughed often telling that story, but let's take a minute.  He wasn't kidding.  He dead thought that my only recourse to an abusive husband was to kill or beat him while he slept.  That is the kind of time he grew up in.

It took me 16 years to get out of my shame spiral and file for divorce because I didn't want to be the  person who gave up on my marriage.  My parents didn't raise a quitter.  I didn't want to "hurt my kids".  I thought all marriages were like mine.  Boy, was I ever wrong.  The best thing I ever did for my kids was GET DIVORCED.  My divorce taught my girls a lot of very important life lessons.  It taught them that...

*It's never too late to stand up for yourself and start over. Never be afraid of new beginnings.
*Sometimes change is really hard, really really hard, but so worth it in the end.
*Love isn't sarcasm, put downs, yelling and silent treatments.
*Love is hugs, helping each other, supporting each other and affection.
*Setting boundaries for how others treat you is okay - expect others to treat you with respect.
*You deserve the best and to be treated like your significant other feels lucky to have you.
*It is better to be alone than to be with someone who doesn't make you happy.
*You have to love yourself first before you can love someone else.
*Sometimes you can work really hard at something and still fail.
*You can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped or doesn't see a problem with their actions.  (My ex used to tell me all the time that if I had a problem with his drinking then I was the one with a problem.)
*Trust your gut.

Divorce isn't anyone's desired end result.  But it is necessary for some people to survive, mentally and even physically sometimes.  There are a lot worse evils in this world than divorce.  We need to stop acting superior for having stuck it out in a bad marriage.  We need to stop shaming those who want better things for themselves and their kids.  Maybe instead, remind our friends and share often, that we are always there for them - no matter what life decisions they feel they need to make.  Here's my official notice.  I won't judge you if you choose marriage, or divorce or life partner or the single life.  Call me.  We should chat.

#gabbystrong

As many of my friends and family know, our local community lost a beloved member just a few days ago.  Little Gabby Brown had just celebrated her second birthday when she lost her fight to leukemia.  Today is the day that hundreds of people, whose life she touched, will gather to say their goodbyes and celebrate her beautiful life.  But today is not where #gabbystrong ends. 

Yesterday the #gabbystrong t-shirts that were ordered arrived.  As several people lamented that the shirts came too late, it struck me that #gabbystrong does not need to end because Gabby's fight is over.  #gabbystrong is no longer just about Gabby's fight against leukemia.  #gabbystrong has shown us that no matter your size or age, you can face anything with positivity, a smile, a giggle and love.  #gabbystrong taught us that we are not alone.  Our communities have rallied around the Brown family with overwhelming love and support.  Through the power of social media, that community has grown to include all of southeast Minnesota and beyond.  #gabbystrong taught us to hold our families close and that family is the most important part of our lives.  #gabbystrong has shown us the kindness of strangers and the good people in this world.  #gabbystrong has helped us see how strong we can all be when our strength is needed.  We all need to be #gabbystrong today and moving forward into our futures, not just for the Brown family, but for ourselves, our own loved ones and those whose lives we touch. 

Today will be an incredibly hard day, for Gabby was a light in this world.  Her smile and laughter were infections, contagious and we all fell in love with her through the posts her parents shared.  There aren't words to thank her parents enough for bringing her light into our lives, but there are actions.  It is important that we know that her light did not go out.  When we keep her alive in our hearts and live our lives keeping #gabbystrong at the forefront of our actions, Gabby's light shines.  Whether your religion allows you to believe she is an angel in heaven or if she is simply an angel in your heart, Gabby's light needs to stay with us.  Let Gabby's light shine through your kindness to others and to yourself.  Let Gabby's light be there to lift you up when you are struggling or get your own bad news that seems insurmountable.  Let Gabby's light be there when you want to give up and you need to remember that you can keep fighting.  Let Gabby's light be there when you need to be strong for others as Gabby's family, friends, and community were for Gabby.  #gabbystrong means you've got this and you keep fighting.  #gabbystrong means never giving in.  #gabbystrong isn't just about Gabby, it is about all of us. 

Keep Gabby's family in your thoughts and prayers, not just today but every day.  Part of their fight is just beginning.  And always, always remember, together, we've got this.

#gabbystrong

I am a Mare Person too. (Who knew?)

There is a viral blog post going around, being shared by most of my Facebook world.  (This may surprise you, but a lot of my Facebook friends are horse people.  Who knew?) It's a great phone written by Lindsay Paulsen, titled "I am a Mare Person".  Link to Lindsay's blog  I love every word she has written, as do many mare owners, because we can relate.  Like Lindsay, I was also skeptical of mares and always tried to steer away from them.  Like Lindsay, one great mare changed that for me.  However, unlike Lindsay, when I looked back over my past horses in reflection, I realized that most of my great/favorite horses were indeed MARES.  Turns out, I may have been a mare person all along and I just didn't know it.

I think part of the problem is the anti-mare people are pretty darn vocal about it.  In fact, if you have ever tried to sell a mare, you know how the story goes.  Someone posts and "in search of" ad and what do they say 90% of the time, "Geldings only please" or "No mares!"  People are afraid of mares.  There are a million memes going around about "resting mare face" and "nothing scarier than a chestnut mare".  Even mare people will admit that sometimes mares can have their moments where they say "no thanks".  But let's just talk about that for a minute.  Usually, okay maybe every single time, there is a very logical and legitimate reason for why a mare says "no thanks".  And usually, after I look back on those moments I realize how dang smart those mares truly are. Because let's face it, (hides a little as she says it), mares are smarter than geldings.  C'mon gelding people.  Admit it.  You have to show a gelding 3- 4 times and then, maybe, the slow 40 watt light bulb will flicker.  A mare, you show her once.  She says nah, you show her again and she says, "fine, if I do this will you leave me the hell alone and be HAPPY?"  Ta da - trained that mare.

In all seriousness though, I thought I was a gelding person.  I thought mares were bitchy and cranky and not very cuddly.  Who knows why I thought that?  I fell into social norms?  Because we literally had a LOT of very very nice mares, who were cuddly and loving and very good to our family.  Giggles, Gretchen,  Chic, Shadow (the second one) and Cutie just to name a few.  I bought Ellie on a whim because she was so reasonably priced and I knew the guy who owned her was as honest as the day was long.  And that mare was wicked trainable.  Like, "show her one time and she's got it" trainable.  And she was loving and cuddly too.  And quiet.  And because everyone always freaks out about the dreaded "heat cycle" and throws around the word "marish", no - she was not "marish" and you never knew she was even in heat.  So why not have two Ellies?  Libby found another "Ellie" in that the two were as closely related as we could find.  Voila! China came into our lives.  As Libby loves to tell people, China was supposed to be her horse.  But Libby was busy with Ace and Zippy and well, who didn't have a horse?  Me.  So I started working with China.  The rest as they say is history.

However, just because it is history, doesn't mean I'm not going to take the blog space here to write about the amazingness that is China.  Keep in mind that when I started working with China I was coming from having ridden four geldings in a row prior to her.  (Not counting the few rides I had gotten on Ellie before she got hurt).  Those four geldings all had one thing in common to a varying degree.  They LOVED their buddies.  Some worked through it better than others, but they all had some form of buddy sour going on.  A couple were really good at the whinnying through entire classes, while still loping or doing their thing.  They all had their good points too, and I loved those big dumb geldings, but dang was that frustrating.  They were also literally big, DUMB, geldings.  Lovable, cuddly, DUMB geldings.  They learned plenty and improved a lot - but boy did they take some convincing.

Enter China.   From the minute I started working with her I would tell people how wicked smart she was.  So smart that it was a little intimidating.  She would pick up on things immediately, good and bad things.  You always had to be thinking to be one step ahead of her.  It was a little frightening to say the least.  But also, great fun.  Starting her under saddle was easy peasy.  She's quiet, steady and smart.  She could give a rip less if her buddy is next to her or back at the barn.  She trusted her humans and we made great strides.  Starting her was so easy.

As she has grown and been put into more and more stressful situations, she has shocked us to no end and really strives to do the right thing.  Does she drive me out of my blooming mind sometimes?  Yep.  But will she almost immediately go back to resting her head in my lap, or putting her forehead against my chest to say she's sorry?  Yep.  Is she ever going to be a 10+ loper?  Nope.  Do I love that mare to the end of the earth and back.  Uhh... yep.  As Tim always tells me, every little thing that she does that drives me crazy is LITERALLY an exact quality that I have as a human. Social anxiety.  Check.  Crabbiness when overtired, hot, cold, wet, or things aren't exactly as we would prefer to have them?  Check.  Anxiety and nervousness when performing in front of a crowd?  Check.  Craves attention and need constant reassurance that they are loved?  Check. 

Looking back over all the horses we have owned over the years (and that has been a LOT), I came to the startling revelation that I'm a mare person.  Hands down, no doubt about it, heart firmly in the mare column and not going anywhere soon.  There's a long list of mares to thank for that, but it took China to finally make me realize it.  And for the record, I may have told China this startling revelation.   In response, she may have given me a side eye, deep sigh and a look that clearly reminded me that she already knew, always knew and thinks I'm a little slow on the uptake.  She isn't wrong. 

I'm a mare person.  Should we start a support group?  Who's with me?

I'm officially the crazy chicken lady

Just as we are reaching the point of the year where I am going to be downsizing the flock before winter, we had hens decide to sit on eggs.  First it was the silkie hen.  I went to pick eggs one day and noticed she hadn't moved in a day.  The way she was hunkered down, I panicked and thought she was dead.  After trying to move her "dead" body with the shovel, she let me know, in no uncertain terms, that she was indeed not dead as she attacked the shovel with all the fierceness of a mother protecting her "young".  Unfortunately, true to new momma fashion, she had one egg under her.  She was a young hen and we believe she literally had laid her first egg and decided to go broody and try to hatch it out.  I didn't want her to go through all that sitting for one egg, so with Tim's help, I distracted her and shoved 5-6 more eggs under her.  We kept a close eye on her and she was a great broody, carefully keeping herself on those eggs day in and day out, until one day when she took a few minutes to grab a bite to eat and the coop door blew shut on her.  By the time I discovered that and went to let her back in, the eggs were cold and I assumed no good anymore.  She immediately sat on them again but I gave her a day or two and I was going to toss them.  Imagine my surprise when, instead, she greeted us with 4 baby chicks rolling around under her.  Yay, chicks.  But meanwhile...

Back in the chicken coop, the bigger black hen had also decided to try sitting on her eggs.  This was the same hen that sat on 20 eggs this summer and hatched out ONE.  That one chick made it one day before drowning.  We didn't have high hopes for this hen to be successful but her tote got moved with the silkie and her chicks into the "chick room".   Lo and behold a few days later and she hatched out 5 chicks of her own.  Now silkie hen is a good momma, but black hen is fierce.  Between the two of them, they divided out their corners of the chick room and protected their territory like boxers in a ring.  Each hen had a mutual respect for the hostility of the other and things seemed to be going along swimmingly.

And then Tim comes to me to tell me he found my hamburg hen, Jelly, in the hay room.  We were pretty sure she was dead.  We knew she was going in the hay room regularly.  We had no idea she had crawled back in as far as she could, about a foot from the ceiling and a good 20 feet back into the room and decided to start sitting on eggs.  She wasn't dead, but doing a darn good job of playing dead as she sat on those eggs.  I started panicking about what would happen if those eggs hatched.  I had visions of the chicks dropping between the bales and rotting.  (Insert gagging emoji/gif or whatever.)  I had visions of being attacked by Jelly as I tried to move her, her eggs or the bales to try to get her into a better place to hatch them out.  So we left her and slowly started to use the bales between the door and her so that we could hopefully get to them before hatching day.  We made it.  Kind of.  And then she started hatching those eggs.  In the hay mow.  Oh sigh....  Again, with Tim's help, I tried to check how many had hatched.  You laugh at a grown woman being afraid of a couple pounds of chicken, but let me just tell you, if you have never tangled with a hen protecting her chicks, you have no idea how terrifying they can be.  And keep in mind I was about a foot from the ceiling and surrounded by hay bales.  I was more than a little claustrophobic and slightly more terrified than I probably needed to be.  But she had hatched out 6 already, on her nest of 18.  I told Tim we would give her another day and then we would have to move her before the chicks started exploring.

Fast forward to time's up, this morning.  I tried to sneak up behind her and grab her, and very nearly got my hand pecked off for the favor.  So we had to use the net to catch her and then grab chicks as quickly as we could before they rolled off the bales.  Quickly we relocated her and her chicks to the chick room.  There was a bit of a kerfuffle, but they seemed to settle in.  However, when I got back to the hay room and went to remove the eggs, I heard peeping.  Not chirping per se, peeping.  Yeah, there were more eggs waiting to hatch.  Sigh.  So now I was a baby chick murderer because there was no way Jelly was going to sit on those eggs in a strange room with strange hens and with 6 chicks to guard.  Thankfully I still had my friend's incubator so we frantically plugged it in, relocated the eggs and hoped for the best.  Whatever that meant, because what were we gonna do with more chicks?  But I refused to be a baby chick murderer.

Off I went to work with 14 eggs in the incubator, 6 new chicks in the chick room, and 9 slightly older chicks as well.  After a long and busy day at the restaurant, I came home to the great chicken disaster 2019.  Apparently the black hen went on a murderous rampage against Jelly's new chicks and had killed two and very nearly killed a third.  In a little bit of anger and a lot a bit of running out of options, I kicked the black hen out, thinking I would just raise her chicks in the chick room myself.  Two minutes later I caved as she was desperate for her babies and their sad cries hurt my heart.  So then I had to try to catch her chicks, who had decided to hide amongst the other chicks.  Here's what I want you to picture.  Me, dashing around a room about 8 feet by 5 feet as two pissed off hens take running, flailing leaps at me, sure that I'm trying to get their babies.  All the while the chicks are frantically running around and I'm struggling to even catch one, much less than all 5.  Through it all, momma black hen is madly clucking outside and Sophie is "guarding the door", apparently from a random drive by pecking?  Finally I got the last of her chicks outside with her.  Feeling bad for them, I put a tote for them to cuddle up in, gave them their own waterer and tried to brainstorm a way to feed them apart from the rest of the flock in the morning.

I headed into the garage to discover 3 new chicks in the incubator.  I didn't know whether to celebrate or sit down and put my head in my hands.  What was I to do with 3 more chicks?  Obviously hens don't appreciate chicks that aren't their own.  But I had this great idea.  Once Jelly was asleep, I'd just slip these new chicks in with her current chicks.  By morning they would all smell the same and she would just be back to 6, maybe 7, chicks and all would be well.  Into the chick room I went, with 3 baby flutter bugs in my hands.  Jelly was asleep and I went to sneak the little ones under her when all of a sudden she came awake with a flurry and a fierceness.  I quickly put the new chicks down with hers while she dashed around the room, upsetting the silkie and chicks started running every which direction.  Finally Jelly settled back down on her chicks, including the new ones, one of her chicks remained with the silkie's and I shut the door calling myself lucky not to have lost an eye after tangling with pissed off hens.  Again.  Feeling hopeful but worried about all the chicks making it through the night, I took the black hen in the tote and moved her and her chicks into a pony stall for the night and wearily trudged to the house.  As soon as I opened the garage door and headed towards the house I heard....

...another chick hatching in the incubator.

I give up.

What is Champ Show?

If you have friends who open show in the northern Midwest, your social media has probably been flooded with Champ Show posts the last few days.  And you’re probably wondering what in the heck is Champ Show?  Champ Show is short for the WSCA Championship Show.  But to explain further WSCA is Western Saddle Club Association and encompasses all of MN, lots of WI, and people come from IA and South Dakota/North Dakota to show as well.  In order to qualify for the Champ Show a competitor needs to place first or second under a WSCA judge in each event they wish to compete in before the end of August.  The competitors at Champ Show are typically the best of the best of many breeds, all under one roof and in one arena.  I give props to the WSCA judges who are trying to judge a class of apps, quarter horses, POA’s, Arabians, Morgans, you name it and judging them all according to their breed standard.  Not each other.  It isn’t an easy task. 

At one point, and it may very well still be, Champ Show was the largest open show in the nation.  The show takes place over 5 days, two for the pleasure events and 3 for games.  For the pleasure events, patterns are run side by side in the large coliseum at the MN State Fairgrounds in St Paul. Rail classes are run in "cuts" of around 25 horses each with everyone hoping to make the "call back" for the final cut.  All that being said, for many of us, Champ Show is the culmination of the season of showing, our "state championship" to compare to high school athletics.  But Champ Show is more than that too.

Champ Show is crazy.  There are so many horses in so many barns, people and trailers and vendors and families and campers and.... Every direction you turn there are sequins and bling, sparkles, show sheen and the scent of fly spray hangs in the air.  There are competitors from 7-70, lunging or warming up their horses.  Trainers barking commands or drying tears.  Moms and dads with the grooming totes ready for a final wipe down and checkbooks at hand for those last minute expenditures.  There are tears of joy, tears of disappointment, laughter, hugs and yes- some dirty glances at the competitor who cut you off or ran into you in the warm up.

Champ Show is more than that too.  Champ Show is where your competition for the summer becomes your family and you root for each other to beat out the best from other states, associations or districts.  The kid that you tried to edge out all summer becomes the one cheering the loudest for you when you get to make that walk of pride to get your ribbon or the one there with a hug of condolences when you don’t hear your number for call backs.  It's you guys against the rest of the upper Midwest. It's nice to have a few like minded people in your corner.

Champ is sleeping in a folding chair, holding your horse's head in your lap and long walks from your stall to the ring.  It’s patting your horse on a well done pattern and patting your horse for not freaking out at the cart pulled by a mini. It’s snacks and concession stand food, camping and needing a shower for 3, 4, 5 days straight.  It’s hauling buckets and hay, picking stalls and having your horse still finding that one pile you missed.  It’s pulled shoes and chiros, sniffles and missteps.

Champ is having the ride of your life and not hearing your number or it’s leaving it all in the warmup and having your horse look rank in the ring.  It’s your horse nailing an element of a pattern you never thought she’d do and then 5 seconds later acting like she’d never been asked to do something she’s done a thousand times. Its expectations and disappointment and surprises all in the space of minutes or seconds.  A roller coaster of emotions from the second you leave your home until the minute you arrive at home.  And still days later, I can’t believe that Champ Show 2019 is over.

What is Champ Show?  It’s impossible to explain to someone who has never been, but even more impossible to explain to someone who has never sat astride a horse.  It's Champ Show and some day I hope to be back.

Anyone have some self confidence they aren’t using?

Sigh.  So Sunday was one of "those" shows.  It was one of those confidence busting, maybe I should quit, trail riding looks like more my style shows.  I hope that anyone who has ever ridden/trained/shown a young horse can relate.  But honestly I can’t blame it on China.  So I’m not even gonna try to place the blame anywhere but in my lap.  Showing horses is about setting these large animals up to be successful and I did nothing of the sort.
It started with me being in too much of a rush in showmanship and being at the cone through the Star Spangled Banner and waiting for the office to be ready and therefore our trot off was more of a sluggish slur to the first cone.  At that point my brain shut down.  It was downhill from there. I was too afraid to ask for more canter in English pleasure.   I blew a diagonal is equitation that I had all day to find due to a sitting trot prior.  I tried the single hand bit for the first time in western pleasure and she was not ready for that.  Then I rushed our horsemanship pattern because I just wanted to get her untacked and cooled out due to the extreme heat.  (Heat index was around 110 degrees.) The whole day was a complete bust other than surviving our first bareback lope class (and placing).  And I came home literally with thoughts of, what should I do instead of this horse show thing? I have a pony in the pasture I want to get going on games.  I could quit it all and just trail ride. I could just stick with walk trot.  Forever. You may call me dramatic, but that is where I was on Sunday.  I wasn’t mad at the judge.  I wasn’t mad at China.  I was (and still am to some extent) epically disappointed in myself.
It took everything in my being not to call the person I’m staying with for Champ Show and ask for my paperwork back.  It’s not that I won’t get a call back or a placing.  It’s that I will embarrass myself, our farm, and poor China who has only ever tried her heart out.  Logical Melissa knows that China could give a crap less if she flubs a pattern.  But I don’t want anyone watching us to think "what a crappy horse" or "she could do this or that with a different horse".  Nope, I couldn’t.  I do the same with every horse I ride.  I struggle. Maybe it’s a struggle some of the rest of you can relate to. Or at least one of you?  Please tell me I’m not alone.
I have anxiety. That’s no big secret.  Diagnosed general anxiety disorder with a helping of mild to moderate depression on top.  But I’m off all medications for 3 years now and doing great, most of the time. But there are times when I just want to pull the blanket up and quit it all.  You know, everyone gets tired of fighting sometimes.  For some of us, the reality is that the exhaustion, the self doubt, the self loathing is overwhelming. And telling us to just stop it or you’re fine or even worse, "you’re just being silly" isn’t going to help it.  Enter horse showing and a person has to wonder why I even started this hobby.

What keeps those of us with anxiety heading back into the competition arena?  We have anxiety, we have panic attacks.  We find it hard to face our fears.  But we are also fighters and we will not let anxiety win and keep us from doing what we love.  If we let the anxiety win, that is the only time when we are truly losing.  Like a great coach told me, "you miss 100% of the home runs you don't swing at."  (Or something like that.  You get the drift.)  Here’s what I know after Friday’s disaster,  I’m going to keep riding.  I love my horse.  I love the sport.  I know that with practice we can get better. I will keep riding and maybe get some more lessons.  It’s a helpless feeling knowing you aren’t improving and not knowing how to do anything about it.  What do you do when you’re stuck?  Get help! I will not let anxiety and lack of self confidence win.  I will not let it keep me in the corner or keep me from pushing myself to be better.  If I do, then anxiety wins and I’ve come way too far for that to happen.  So... to take a page out of my therapist’s handbook "What’s the worst that can happen if we flub a pattern or a pleasure class?" I throw away $3 and people get a good laugh at my expense.  I think that’s survivable.  How about you?

Horse show update - #3

Last weekend was our first DW Productions show in Cannon Falls.  On our way there, Sophie and I realized that the last time we had shown there was 6 years prior for a POA show.  That was the last year Sophie showed and here we were again.  We just love the shows that Dani puts on, you can't find a more fun and well organized show than the one's Dani is in charge of.  Since we had decided against showing at any more of the MEC events for 2019, why not try a new venue?

It was a great show to take a step back with China and let her find her comfort zone with walk/trot classes. The warm up was definitely bigger than Winona, but China was still struggling with her "social anxiety" in the warm up the first day.  She was scooting and jumping so I tried to find her a quiet corner for her to stand in with her back to the wall and just watch the goings on. Honestly, I don't blame her sometimes.  There are people with little to no ring etiquette and it is a miracle that more people don't get run into.  It always surprises me that my boss mare is so afraid of every other horse outside her own pasture.  It was just what she needed to work on building that confidence again.  Once in the ring, she just did her thing.

And boy did she do her thing.  Saturday was a clean sweep of all our classes, except egg and spoon.  Honestly - WHAT IS THE SECRET to that stupid class.  My egg literally starts shaking and moving at the walk.  I do not understand how you people manage to keep it at the lope.  We even took home a special award for our debut of the Wonder Woman outfit (with bright blue scarf).  They were having a red, white and blue contest in honor of the Fourth of July weekend and we were judge's choice.  Woohoo!  Sophie was horribly embarrassed and felt the whole outfit was "over the top".  But I love it and I love my hat that Jake custom made for it.  It's perfect.  (I will not wear the giant blue scarf again, but it was a special contest!)   After our last bareback class, the judge (who had seen us the week before) commented that China looked amazing and that we had really knocked it out of the park all day.  One thing I'll give my mare, that girl can trot.

Because we have a 1994 Suburban and an even older bumper pull stock trailer, we were one of the few people at the local hotel that evening.  We joked that we virtually had the hotel to ourselves and people missed out.  The Saratoga Inn has really been doing a great job of fixing up the place.  We were very comfortable and taken care of and appreciate the recommendation and the reduced horse show rate.  We also made sure to spend extra time back at the show grounds watching the games and visiting.  It was so fun to watch and catch up with some of the game folks too.

The next day China and I had another great day.  She was just a little bit better again about the warm up pen and we felt confident enough to try the bosal in pleasure and bareback horsemanship.  If her rider could get her head on straight she might have remembered it was a left forehand pivot (not the right) we could have nailed the English equitation pattern.  But I was very proud of her horsemanship pattern though.  We just need to work on our pivots!  Guess what folks, we placed first or second all day long, even in our least favorite class - egg and spoon!  YAY!!  We will continue to work on loping and show in the lope classes at SEMSCA and other open shows we may attend, but it was nice to take a step back into China's comfort zone and help her to find her happy place again for a weekend too.  It was a real surprise though to hear that we had won the overall walk/trot buckle for junior and senior combined.  Was not expecting that one!  Our fourth buckle together!

Let's talk about Sophie.  Sophie was the one who pushed for us to go to this show.  She wanted to take Mercy to a big show and lope against other ponies.  Since this show had a pony division, off we went.  She worked SO hard with Mercy because she wanted to add bareback to her pony's list of events.  They rode every day, sometimes twice a day and worked their tails off prior to the show.  Folks, this pony was a gem all weekend.  Where she struggled with the right lead at the show prior, she never missed it once all weekend long.  She barely whinnied to her BFF China.  She was never spooky or scared or looked at anything sideways.  And there was plenty to look at at this show.  Complete with people sitting right on the rail that even hissed at her when she went by.  (Still not sure what that was about...)

Mercy hasn't been a cake walk.  The first couple of weeks we had her I hated the little toot.  She was definitely a prima donna who thought she was pretty special.  I have told a few folks privately, but Mercy was kind of a challenge.  Sophie admitted once to me recently that she was a little afraid of her and almost gave up on her, but couldn't admit defeat.  Mercy went through a whole bag of tricks to try to get rid of her rider.  First trying to buck, then rearing and there was a period of some bolting too if I remember correctly.  One by one, Sophie checked those things off the "think again ya little turd" list and Mercy realized that being a good girl was a whole heck of a lot easier than being a sassy shit.  We used to joke that the song that goes, "Oh she's sweet but she's psycho, a little bit psycho" was written about Mercy.  Not true anymore.  This pony has a whole new outlook on life and it is onwards and upwards from here.  All because of Sophie. So proud of her for sticking with her little project and the two of them have really come together as a team.

Saturday was also their day.  They did so great in all their classes, that Sophie had the confidence to try that bareback class.   They were faster than the rest of the class, but Sophie rode the heck out of that pony.  They didn't place, but they checked "bareback" off their list of accomplishments.  They placed first in almost all of their classes.  Sunday was also their day.  This time they did place first in all of their classes except showmanship (2), egg and spoon (5)  BUT they pulled out a fourth in a tough bareback class.  They had such a great weekend that it wasn't much of a surprise when weekend high point winners were announced.  Sophie and Mercy won the buckle, and Sophie's first ever buckle, for the pony division.  I am SO proud of all the hard work she has done training her pony and getting her show ready.  They have come so far, I can't wait to see where they are headed.  Best part was that her buckle was donated by the same person who leased us her first walk/trot pony.  She sure has come a long way from Buddy to today, but great ponies like Buddy are the ones who got her to where she is.

Speaking of great ponies, one of the other ponies in the class was Cotton, her last show pony.  It was so great to see him with his new girl and it was even more great to see Sophie and Cloe hanging out together all weekend.  Having horse friends in the best.  I'm super thankful for the laughs I had with Heidi, Amy, Julie, Jonathon, Kim, Rio, Amy and so many more.  The best part about horse showing is the friends we make along the way.  We are so proud of Cloe and Cotton and their reserve place finish.  He has the best home and rider with the gang there.

So many people to thank for a great weekend.  Thanks to Dani for holding the show.  Thanks to Jake Thompson for making my hat to complete the most perfect outfit.  Thanks to Libby for doing chores so we could all have a much needed weekend away and know the critters were in good hands.  Thank you to Ken Friday and Anne Dkystra for planning your breedings and bringing such great critters into this world!  Thank you to Harmony Agri for the top notch feed keeping my ponies fit and shiny.  Thank you to Chosen Valley Vet and Bryce for getting China through her mysterious illness and back to her old self. Thank you to my coworkers and manager that covered shifts so that I could have the weekend off.

But most of all thank you to my amazing hubby, Tim.  I know that more than a few people wanted to hire him as he was the handiest groom/barn help there is with unloading, loading, cleaning stalls, filling water, etc...  Many "show dads" joke that they are in directors in charge of finance and transportation, but Tim goes so far and above that.  He makes a great post to hold any horse, but he also gets every pattern and runs through it with me a hundred times before each class.  Which is a good thing because (other than that stupid forehand pivot going the wrong direction) I didn't miss anything in a pattern for the first time ever.  He even questions me about cone placement and how to exit and all those minute details like "where are you going to stop in reference to the cone".   Who knows how to do that?  My hubby.  But that isn't the only way he takes the coaching role seriously.  He also reminds us to have a good attitude.  He makes us try classes we don't think we should AND he gets me coffee.  Does it get any better than that?  Oh yes, yes it does.  He video tapes AND takes pictures.  We wouldn't have any memories of this amazing weekend if it weren't for him.  Thanks to him, I have framers like this one.  Thanks honey!

What's next?  Back to back SEMSCA shows this weekend in Albert Lea.  New arena, new challenges, same great ponies.  Hope to see lots of you there!