Sometimes when I lay awake at night, like Saturday night after Tim had a fire call, random creative things pop into my head. So yes, I was writing this at just after midnight. Thank goodness for the notes app on my phone. Come Sunday morning I edited a few things, but overall, this poem is fresh from the late night musings of a momma who never stops worrying.
Where were you?
Where were you when she cried all day?
Colicky babies are hard.
You couldn't deal but someone had to.
Where were you?
But you were there when she wore the dresses,
Sang the song or said the funniest things.
No one knew you only loved to celebrate,
You claimed the good times.
Where were you when homework brought tears?
Math and maps and tests are hard.
You couldn't deal with homework.
Where were you?
But you were there for the A honor roll,
Graduating with honors, the scholarships.
No one knew you only loved to celebrate,
You claimed the good times.
Where were you for the hours of lessons?
Tears, bruises, dirt and pushing her to try.
You couldn't deal with horses.
Where were you?
But you were there for the shows,
The ribbons, the trophies, the championships.
No one knew you only loved to celebrate,
You claimed the good times.
Where were you through under varsity?
The camps, the clinics, the weekends on the road.
You couldn't deal with 4th grade tournaments.
Where were you?
But you were there for the big games.
Hearing her name, seeing her stats, her face on TV.
No one knew you only loved to celebrate,
You claimed the good times.
Where were you through the bad times?
The boy trouble?
The friendships that hurt?
The projects that didn't turn out?
The games she fell down?
The sickness, the fever, the wanting to quit?
The times she was scared?
The times she was hurt?
The times she gave up?
The times she was frustrated or angry or lost?
Where were you?
I was there.
The other end of a phone call.
The response to a text.
Seeing her face and knowing she needed me.
Knowing before she knew,
That this was going to be bad.
Drying her tears,
Wiping the blood,
Giving the pep talk,
Standing in her corner.
I was there.
She knows now you only love to celebrate,
You don't get to claim the good times,
Anymore.
~ Melissa Kiehne Andring 2/2/20
Monday, February 3, 2020
Friday, January 31, 2020
So you're horse shopping on Facebook...
Having sold many horses and ponies over the years, I've learned a few things that I should and shouldn't do as a buyer. I am always window shopping and even I have to remind myself of what I need to do before I waste a seller's time. For all those sellers out there whose time I have wasted, I am so sorry! It is a learning process for sure. Sometimes a person gets so excited about a critter we just start commenting before we think about the following list. Let's hit some of the biggies first.
Imagine this scenario. You're scrolling through Facebook and an adorable pony catches your eye. You click through the pics and glance through the ad. Should you shoot them a message or a comment? NO. Let me say that again. HELL NO. Do the following BEFORE you send that comment or PM asking questions or for more information.
1. READ the ad. The whole ad. Twice. Heck - maybe even 3 times. Take notes if you have too. Make doubly sure that the question you're going to ask, isn't answered in the ad. Most sellers take the time to write ads to try to answer as many questions ahead of time as possible. Sellers do not want to waste your time or their own with responding to the same question a million times. As a seller, there isn't much more annoying than having to answer questions that you've already answered in the ad.
2. Take a minute to think about the purpose you're looking to achieve with said horse and the description of said horse/pony before contacting the seller. If you're looking for a beginner rider, do not comment on ads for 3 year old stallions or just off the track thoroughbreds. Let's be real here folks.
3. Think about the price. A lot of people are posting the price again in Facebook ads. They are using emojis or writing them out. Look for that before requesting price. Once you find out the price, ask yourself - can I afford what they are asking BEFORE you start messaging them a thousand questions. Sellers may come down in price somewhat. Most sellers price their horses a little higher knowing that they will have to wiggle a little going in. However, if your budget is a third, a half or even 3/4 of the asking price, save all of you a lot of time and keep looking elsewhere. As a seller, I love discussing my horse with others that are interested. However, we are all busy and cannot just chat about horses endlessly. And no - the cost of shipping is NOT the seller's problem. It is not their fault you commented on a horse that isn't in your backyard.
4. Speaking of shipping, it is expensive and hard on vehicles. Expect to pay for it if you look outside your comfortable travel range. Price out shipping options before you comment on a horse that is at your max budget. You may be surprised how much it costs to get Ole Buck across a couple of states. Shippers have to run on a schedule. You may have to be willing to take time off of work or even meet them somewhere to get your new pony delivered.
So let's say, you've checked all of these items off your list. It's time to ask questions. You heard me - now you can ask questions. This is not where you start shooting offers, this is where you ASK QUESTIONS. You need to make sure you are fully committed to buying the pony BEFORE you make an offer. Ask lots of questions. Let me give you some ideas.
1. Ask about disposition.
2. Ask about ground manners.
3. Make sure said equine is good for leading, clipping, farrier, vet, trailering, tying and bathing (if that stuff is important to you).
4. Ask about a history of illness (include ulcers, founder, colic) or lameness.
5. Ask about any cosmetic flaws.
6. Ask about being buddy sour, marish, barn sour, etc...
7. Ask about experiences away from home.
8. Ask for any vices like cribbing, wind sucking, chewing, etc..
9. Ask what said horse does when frustrated? Are they prone to rearing, bucking, kicking out, biting, etc... (We may go a little too far because we want to know if they even look at you wrong. hehe)
10. Ask if they are an easy keeper or do they need a certain diet to stay in good weight.
11. Where are they in herd dynamics? Alpha horsie or gets beat on regularly. Are they used to being in a herd? Geldings and mares or one or the other?
12. How much riding time do they have? How were they started? How is their whoa?
So that's a start. You need to tailor your questions to what you are looking for in a pony. Now you have a better idea if said equine is going to fit what you're shopping for. If you've checked off all the boxes so far, it is time to arrange a time to meet the equine. Or if you're shipping a distance, this is where you discuss wanting videos. If you're still interested after videos or a visit, the next step is making the offer. Feel free to make an offer, but do not start shooting them a lowball/half price offer unless you want to offend them and shut them down right then and there. Make them a fair offer keeping in mind what a similarly bred/trained horse would be worth. This is the time to also state that your offer may be contingent on the horse passing a vet check. If you are going to want a vet check, you need to state that before the offer is made and ABSOLUTELY before you make a deposit.
While we are on the subject of deposits, folks - they are non refundable. What is the point of a deposit? To secure you as the buyer. If a seller takes a deposit, they consider the horse sold. They turn away other interested buyers. That deposit is their security that you are a serious buyer. If for some reason you decide to back out of the deal, other than them outright withholding information or lying to you, you forfeit the deposit. End of discussion. If you're not sure and you may change your mind, don't make a deposit. It's called a gamble. That's all part of the horse buying game.
So you've made a decision, you've made a deposit, you've signed the purchase agreement - let's get that new pony in your barn. It is time to arrange shipping in a timely manner and make sure the health papers are all in order. When picking up your critter, make sure you get a signed transfer and that everything is in order to make that pony officially yours when you get it home. Take pictures so you never forget that very special "gotcha" day. There is no greater rush than bringing home a new pony. It's a feeling you want to last, so document it! Hopefully you're buying experience has been amazing. Most sellers want to keep their reputations on the up and up so they will do all they can to keep you happy. That said, sellers also talk about buyers, so make sure your funds are good and you're holding up your side of the bargain, literally.
We could and should discuss how to help the new pony once it arrives at your home, but let's save that for another blog.
Imagine this scenario. You're scrolling through Facebook and an adorable pony catches your eye. You click through the pics and glance through the ad. Should you shoot them a message or a comment? NO. Let me say that again. HELL NO. Do the following BEFORE you send that comment or PM asking questions or for more information.
1. READ the ad. The whole ad. Twice. Heck - maybe even 3 times. Take notes if you have too. Make doubly sure that the question you're going to ask, isn't answered in the ad. Most sellers take the time to write ads to try to answer as many questions ahead of time as possible. Sellers do not want to waste your time or their own with responding to the same question a million times. As a seller, there isn't much more annoying than having to answer questions that you've already answered in the ad.
2. Take a minute to think about the purpose you're looking to achieve with said horse and the description of said horse/pony before contacting the seller. If you're looking for a beginner rider, do not comment on ads for 3 year old stallions or just off the track thoroughbreds. Let's be real here folks.
3. Think about the price. A lot of people are posting the price again in Facebook ads. They are using emojis or writing them out. Look for that before requesting price. Once you find out the price, ask yourself - can I afford what they are asking BEFORE you start messaging them a thousand questions. Sellers may come down in price somewhat. Most sellers price their horses a little higher knowing that they will have to wiggle a little going in. However, if your budget is a third, a half or even 3/4 of the asking price, save all of you a lot of time and keep looking elsewhere. As a seller, I love discussing my horse with others that are interested. However, we are all busy and cannot just chat about horses endlessly. And no - the cost of shipping is NOT the seller's problem. It is not their fault you commented on a horse that isn't in your backyard.
4. Speaking of shipping, it is expensive and hard on vehicles. Expect to pay for it if you look outside your comfortable travel range. Price out shipping options before you comment on a horse that is at your max budget. You may be surprised how much it costs to get Ole Buck across a couple of states. Shippers have to run on a schedule. You may have to be willing to take time off of work or even meet them somewhere to get your new pony delivered.
So let's say, you've checked all of these items off your list. It's time to ask questions. You heard me - now you can ask questions. This is not where you start shooting offers, this is where you ASK QUESTIONS. You need to make sure you are fully committed to buying the pony BEFORE you make an offer. Ask lots of questions. Let me give you some ideas.
1. Ask about disposition.
2. Ask about ground manners.
3. Make sure said equine is good for leading, clipping, farrier, vet, trailering, tying and bathing (if that stuff is important to you).
4. Ask about a history of illness (include ulcers, founder, colic) or lameness.
5. Ask about any cosmetic flaws.
6. Ask about being buddy sour, marish, barn sour, etc...
7. Ask about experiences away from home.
8. Ask for any vices like cribbing, wind sucking, chewing, etc..
9. Ask what said horse does when frustrated? Are they prone to rearing, bucking, kicking out, biting, etc... (We may go a little too far because we want to know if they even look at you wrong. hehe)
10. Ask if they are an easy keeper or do they need a certain diet to stay in good weight.
11. Where are they in herd dynamics? Alpha horsie or gets beat on regularly. Are they used to being in a herd? Geldings and mares or one or the other?
12. How much riding time do they have? How were they started? How is their whoa?
So that's a start. You need to tailor your questions to what you are looking for in a pony. Now you have a better idea if said equine is going to fit what you're shopping for. If you've checked off all the boxes so far, it is time to arrange a time to meet the equine. Or if you're shipping a distance, this is where you discuss wanting videos. If you're still interested after videos or a visit, the next step is making the offer. Feel free to make an offer, but do not start shooting them a lowball/half price offer unless you want to offend them and shut them down right then and there. Make them a fair offer keeping in mind what a similarly bred/trained horse would be worth. This is the time to also state that your offer may be contingent on the horse passing a vet check. If you are going to want a vet check, you need to state that before the offer is made and ABSOLUTELY before you make a deposit.
While we are on the subject of deposits, folks - they are non refundable. What is the point of a deposit? To secure you as the buyer. If a seller takes a deposit, they consider the horse sold. They turn away other interested buyers. That deposit is their security that you are a serious buyer. If for some reason you decide to back out of the deal, other than them outright withholding information or lying to you, you forfeit the deposit. End of discussion. If you're not sure and you may change your mind, don't make a deposit. It's called a gamble. That's all part of the horse buying game.
So you've made a decision, you've made a deposit, you've signed the purchase agreement - let's get that new pony in your barn. It is time to arrange shipping in a timely manner and make sure the health papers are all in order. When picking up your critter, make sure you get a signed transfer and that everything is in order to make that pony officially yours when you get it home. Take pictures so you never forget that very special "gotcha" day. There is no greater rush than bringing home a new pony. It's a feeling you want to last, so document it! Hopefully you're buying experience has been amazing. Most sellers want to keep their reputations on the up and up so they will do all they can to keep you happy. That said, sellers also talk about buyers, so make sure your funds are good and you're holding up your side of the bargain, literally.
We could and should discuss how to help the new pony once it arrives at your home, but let's save that for another blog.
Monday, January 27, 2020
Adulting is highly overrated
There are several memes about adulting and they all come to one glorious, and relateable, conclusion - adulting sucks. When you're little and you want to be viewed as a grown up, you think being an adult is oh so cool. When you're sick of being told what to do for the thousandth time, or sick of someone taking your stuff, you think, "Gosh - being an adult is so awesome. No one tells you what to do." What you don't realize is that with that ultimate freedom comes more than a heaping pile of responsibility that takes pretty much all the fun out of adulting.
If you're lucky enough to live in a family with supportive parents, you're weaned onto that adulting thing slowly. Maybe you get to middle school and the folks tell you to deal with that bully on your own or go talk to the teacher that didn't give you the grade you wanted. But they also let you know they were waiting in the wings to back you up if you needed it. Next you get a part time job and start making a little money. Maybe the folks tell you that you can start paying for your own "extras" - that name brand pair of jeans or that night out with your friends at the movies. You're starting to get pretty confident in your independence by the time that magical date rolls around.
Your 18th birthday. You're finally adult! Lucky you! Yay! Now you can tell those pesky parents that you are in charge. Personally I will never forget after Libby turned 18. I overheard her telling her sister that she was 18 and didn't have to listen to us or tell us everything anymore. After all, she was an adult. Fast forward a few days and we went out to eat as a family. I may have told the waitress that we were all on one check except Libby. She was shocked and exclaimed to which I responded, "well you're an adult - adults buy their own food." Life lesson. And yes, I paid for her meal - poor college kids have to eat too. But the truth is, adults do buy their own food. And shampoo. And toothpaste. And.... and .... and...
Turning 18 doesn't make you an adult. Well, legally it does, but not in practice. Becoming an adult is something that happens so slowly and over time that you don't really see it happening; for most people. Little by little you're forced to make the calls, the plans, the decisions that make you an adult. Pretty soon you're not just buying that meal out at the local fast food restaurant, you're buying - ugh - groceries. Then true adulthood hits and your grocery list stops containing items like Cheez-its and Doritoes with Top the Tator and starts containing healthy foods like whole grain Cheerios and *gasp* vegetables. Eventually that counter top full of liquor bottles becomes replaced with art projects and permission forms that need signing. Before you know it you aren't using the bathroom scale to measure how much the puppy has grown and you're hoping that the numbers on the scale start to reflect that you've lost weight instead of gained any. Being adult sounds great when you're 15 or 16, but the older you get, the more you realize something.
Being adult is highly overrated. Having a nearly 20 daughter in my house has reminded of me of that fact. As I watch her struggle to become an adult, I'm reminded of those years. Those years when I desperately wanted all the perks of independence and control over myself, but wanted none of the scary stuff like having to buy my own necessities or having to call the electric company. No one in their right minds wants to go to the doctor by themselves or be sick with no one to take care of them, but welcome to adulthood kids. It ain't all it's cracked up to be. Being adulthood takes responsibility to a whole new level. Recently adulthood became a little too much for me and I lost my cool, asking for help from the kiddos because I was feeling a lot of pressure and stress. My 19 year old daughter wanted me to know that she realized I was stressed, but she had her own stress. I told her she had no idea what stress was yet and she responded that just because her stress was different, didn't mean it wasn't as real. Oh honey. Someday we will share a bottle a wine and laugh and laugh and laugh about how you thought your life was so stressful at 19, living in your parents' house, a hefty savings account to your name, college paid for and without a single bill to worry about.
Being an adult is knowing that if you don't go to work and do your job (and do it well enough), you don't eat. You lose your home. You lose your car. And not only do you lose, everyone who depends on you loses as well. There is a monumental difference between not doing well enough on a project and getting a bad grade and not doing well enough on a project and not being able to feed your family.
Being an adult, especially being a parent, is realizing that every mistake you make not only affects you, it affects your family - the people you love most in the world, and it may affect your family's family if you're setting the wrong examples.
Being an adult is making a million decisions every single day and almost immediately afterward regretting or doubting those decisions.
Being an adult is not sleeping at night because you worry about everything from "will your daughter be able to handle peer pressure" to "did I shut the light off in the bathroom" to "did I remember to pay the credit card bill on time".
Being an adult is learning to love generic mac and cheese because they are 3 boxes for $.99 instead of the $1.00 a box for Kraft. Yes, this is a very real transition adulthood brought into my life; learning I couldn't be picky.
Being an adult is wishing for a new vacuum or pots and pans for Christmas instead of jewelry or devices. It's wanting new socks and underwear instead of being disappointed to find them in your stocking. It's knowing that you may not get anything for Christmas except a handmade necklace or a colored picture from your kids because you and your spouse would rather spend money on the kids than each other.
Being an adult is hearing the things your parents used to say come out of your mouth. Things like "who left the lights on" or "I'm not made of money" or "don't make me pull this car over".
Being an adult is getting excited about ridiculous things like cancelled plans so you can have one evening at home to get caught up or a new sponge for the sink (or my personal favorite - new towels for the bathroom.)
Being an adult is worrying about others more than yourself, putting others wants and needs ahead of your own and knowing that others count on you.
Being an adult is paying bills. Lots and lots of bills. And just when you're caught up on the bills, something will break, get hurt, fall apart and you'll have new bills.
Being an adult is turning going to get groceries into a date night because you go out to eat at the Culvers beforehand. This is a two fold plan - you get a "date night" and you may not impulse buy at the grocery store if you're full.
Being an adult is being able to physically see your metabolism slow down and the weight settle around in unflattering places. You go from donuts and Mountain Dew for breakfast to trying to decide if you're going to eat a real lunch or dinner and have water and kale for the rest of the day.
Being an adult is knowing that work isn't an option, you can't quit every job that you don't love all your coworkers at and sometimes your boss will be a jerk. Too bad, go clock in because you need that paycheck and others are counting on you.
There are a lot of things about being an adult that make it not a lot of fun. It is good to note that there are a whole lot of us all slogging along in the same boat. We all choose to look past the things that make being an adult difficult and instead the things that make being an adult pretty darn awesome. For example, I can literally get in my car and drive to Dairy Queen for a blizzard any darn time I want to. That's pretty amazing. I was also able to watch my kids grow up to be pretty cool adults or near adults themselves. That's nothing to put in the negative column for sure. There have been a lot of glorious moments to offset the hard stuff and I'm certainly not trying to just complain here. There have been great moments and there are still so many yet to come. Like that day when Libby and I share that bottle of wine. I'm looking forward to that day. That will be one of the best.
If you're lucky enough to live in a family with supportive parents, you're weaned onto that adulting thing slowly. Maybe you get to middle school and the folks tell you to deal with that bully on your own or go talk to the teacher that didn't give you the grade you wanted. But they also let you know they were waiting in the wings to back you up if you needed it. Next you get a part time job and start making a little money. Maybe the folks tell you that you can start paying for your own "extras" - that name brand pair of jeans or that night out with your friends at the movies. You're starting to get pretty confident in your independence by the time that magical date rolls around.
Your 18th birthday. You're finally adult! Lucky you! Yay! Now you can tell those pesky parents that you are in charge. Personally I will never forget after Libby turned 18. I overheard her telling her sister that she was 18 and didn't have to listen to us or tell us everything anymore. After all, she was an adult. Fast forward a few days and we went out to eat as a family. I may have told the waitress that we were all on one check except Libby. She was shocked and exclaimed to which I responded, "well you're an adult - adults buy their own food." Life lesson. And yes, I paid for her meal - poor college kids have to eat too. But the truth is, adults do buy their own food. And shampoo. And toothpaste. And.... and .... and...
Turning 18 doesn't make you an adult. Well, legally it does, but not in practice. Becoming an adult is something that happens so slowly and over time that you don't really see it happening; for most people. Little by little you're forced to make the calls, the plans, the decisions that make you an adult. Pretty soon you're not just buying that meal out at the local fast food restaurant, you're buying - ugh - groceries. Then true adulthood hits and your grocery list stops containing items like Cheez-its and Doritoes with Top the Tator and starts containing healthy foods like whole grain Cheerios and *gasp* vegetables. Eventually that counter top full of liquor bottles becomes replaced with art projects and permission forms that need signing. Before you know it you aren't using the bathroom scale to measure how much the puppy has grown and you're hoping that the numbers on the scale start to reflect that you've lost weight instead of gained any. Being adult sounds great when you're 15 or 16, but the older you get, the more you realize something.
Being adult is highly overrated. Having a nearly 20 daughter in my house has reminded of me of that fact. As I watch her struggle to become an adult, I'm reminded of those years. Those years when I desperately wanted all the perks of independence and control over myself, but wanted none of the scary stuff like having to buy my own necessities or having to call the electric company. No one in their right minds wants to go to the doctor by themselves or be sick with no one to take care of them, but welcome to adulthood kids. It ain't all it's cracked up to be. Being adulthood takes responsibility to a whole new level. Recently adulthood became a little too much for me and I lost my cool, asking for help from the kiddos because I was feeling a lot of pressure and stress. My 19 year old daughter wanted me to know that she realized I was stressed, but she had her own stress. I told her she had no idea what stress was yet and she responded that just because her stress was different, didn't mean it wasn't as real. Oh honey. Someday we will share a bottle a wine and laugh and laugh and laugh about how you thought your life was so stressful at 19, living in your parents' house, a hefty savings account to your name, college paid for and without a single bill to worry about.
Being an adult is knowing that if you don't go to work and do your job (and do it well enough), you don't eat. You lose your home. You lose your car. And not only do you lose, everyone who depends on you loses as well. There is a monumental difference between not doing well enough on a project and getting a bad grade and not doing well enough on a project and not being able to feed your family.
Being an adult, especially being a parent, is realizing that every mistake you make not only affects you, it affects your family - the people you love most in the world, and it may affect your family's family if you're setting the wrong examples.
Being an adult is making a million decisions every single day and almost immediately afterward regretting or doubting those decisions.
Being an adult is not sleeping at night because you worry about everything from "will your daughter be able to handle peer pressure" to "did I shut the light off in the bathroom" to "did I remember to pay the credit card bill on time".
Being an adult is learning to love generic mac and cheese because they are 3 boxes for $.99 instead of the $1.00 a box for Kraft. Yes, this is a very real transition adulthood brought into my life; learning I couldn't be picky.
Being an adult is wishing for a new vacuum or pots and pans for Christmas instead of jewelry or devices. It's wanting new socks and underwear instead of being disappointed to find them in your stocking. It's knowing that you may not get anything for Christmas except a handmade necklace or a colored picture from your kids because you and your spouse would rather spend money on the kids than each other.
Being an adult is hearing the things your parents used to say come out of your mouth. Things like "who left the lights on" or "I'm not made of money" or "don't make me pull this car over".
Being an adult is getting excited about ridiculous things like cancelled plans so you can have one evening at home to get caught up or a new sponge for the sink (or my personal favorite - new towels for the bathroom.)
Being an adult is worrying about others more than yourself, putting others wants and needs ahead of your own and knowing that others count on you.
Being an adult is paying bills. Lots and lots of bills. And just when you're caught up on the bills, something will break, get hurt, fall apart and you'll have new bills.
Being an adult is turning going to get groceries into a date night because you go out to eat at the Culvers beforehand. This is a two fold plan - you get a "date night" and you may not impulse buy at the grocery store if you're full.
Being an adult is being able to physically see your metabolism slow down and the weight settle around in unflattering places. You go from donuts and Mountain Dew for breakfast to trying to decide if you're going to eat a real lunch or dinner and have water and kale for the rest of the day.
Being an adult is knowing that work isn't an option, you can't quit every job that you don't love all your coworkers at and sometimes your boss will be a jerk. Too bad, go clock in because you need that paycheck and others are counting on you.
There are a lot of things about being an adult that make it not a lot of fun. It is good to note that there are a whole lot of us all slogging along in the same boat. We all choose to look past the things that make being an adult difficult and instead the things that make being an adult pretty darn awesome. For example, I can literally get in my car and drive to Dairy Queen for a blizzard any darn time I want to. That's pretty amazing. I was also able to watch my kids grow up to be pretty cool adults or near adults themselves. That's nothing to put in the negative column for sure. There have been a lot of glorious moments to offset the hard stuff and I'm certainly not trying to just complain here. There have been great moments and there are still so many yet to come. Like that day when Libby and I share that bottle of wine. I'm looking forward to that day. That will be one of the best.
Tuesday, January 7, 2020
Operation Fit Into Show Clothes
Well, it's that time of year again. It's that time when the entire fall/early winter (heck even a little of late summer) of eating out and ice cream and holiday dining have left me with pants too tight, shirts too small and a sugar craving that won't end. So here we go. Time to test the will power and stop rationalizing why I can have that one more piece of cheesecake or cookie (or glass of wine). The only way to do that...
Food diary. Ugh. If you've never kept track of every bite of food that crosses your lips, you've never experienced that utter suckiness of realizing just how many minutes or miles on the treadmill that line of Oreos is gonna cost you. Heck - one of my weaknesses is cheese. Seems healthy enough, right? It's good(ish) for you with all that dairy. I was horrified to realize that one of those snack grab chunks of cheese from KT was costing me 220 calories, the same as a Hershey bar. That's half an hour walking on the treadmill folks. 3-0 minutes. Not worth it for that cheese I inhaled in less than 1 minute. That line of Oreos you ask? Each Oreo is approximately 70 calories so wait, how many Oreos are in a line? It's not like I have ever counted them. God bless Google - according to Google there are 15 cookies in a line. So let's see, that's 15 x 70 so ... 5 x 7 carry the 3...... a lot of calories. Oh wait - 1,050 calories. My Fitness Pal has me on a 1300 calories a day goal. That line of Oreos is a serious dent in the rest of the day. Obviously, once I start tracking calories, veggies become my friend.
Years ago I started using an app called My Fitness Pal to track my calories in and out - also to track nutrition (I really suck at getting enough iron...). It's very handy and has really helped keep my eating in check. When a person realizes just how many calories are in 1/2 cup of something (and just how small 1/2 a cup truly is), then you begin to understand how and why we gain weight. I'll never forget the time I was counting the tator tots on my plate and put a couple back. Libby was like, "are you seriously counting tator tots?" You darn right I am child! Each one of those buggers is 15 - 20 calories. EACH. HOLY CRAP PEOPLE! But they are so good. Then when you figure in the calories from the ranch that is required for dipping them in... tator tots have become a cheat food.
You know what else I noticed while logging calories and trying to make better choices? Good for you food is super expensive. And super perishable. It is definitely much more difficult to eat right. Eating poorly is quick, cheap and convenient. It's grab and go food and it's prepackaged meals. Fresh (or even frozen) fruits and veggies get expensive. And don't get me started on some of the healthier options for carbs and proteins. Sigh. But it's the right thing to do and the right choice to make so healthier eating here I come.
And then people say, but it's so good for you and it tastes great! Okay, let's be honest here people. It tastes fine. I'll even grant you "good". But let's hold back the rest of the superlatives for now okay? ANYTHING that is low calorie and good for you, does not taste "great". Of course my definition of great is a salted caramel concrete mixer from Culvers, or a Dairy Queen blizzard or a greasy pizza overloaded with cheese. Those foods taste great. Your rice bowl with no oil or dressing and topped with fruits and veggies is good. I'll give you good. Don't be expecting more than that. Fight me.
For now I'm adding a green smoothie as a breakfast option, even though my first attempt literally exploded on me in the kitchen. Note to self - the bottom of the container on the Magic Bullet LOOSENS over time as it is blending. Who knew? Well, I know now. As does poor Tim who rushed to my aid to help me clean the counter, toaster, fridge, cabinets and floor off of green spinach/kale/strawberry smoothie. Did I mention I had to completely change for work? Yay me. Learning experience that it was, I now "enjoy" (really it isn't that bad) a healthy green smoothie for breakfast each day and have added more raw and cooked veggies to my diet. I do allow myself something sweet each day to appease my sweet tooth. It might be a diet soda, but it is sweet.
You know what else this whole Operation Fit Into Show Clothes thing means? Exercise. Now I'm not one who hates exercise. I love working with my horses. (And if even one of you utters the "but the horses do all the work" comment, you're coming to ride with me. I guarantee you that China and I are breathing equally heavy after working on her lope for 10 minutes.) There are oodles of farm chores that require plenty of physical exertion, like hauling 5 gallon pails of water in the winter or hay bales from one barn to the other. So outside exercise it totally fun. However, I also love a good run or walk on the treadmill thanks to the power of Netflix. What I don't love is the fact that I have to get up at 4:00 am to do it. I have chores to do after work and then dash off to games most evenings, so mornings it is. And with having morning chores to do and getting ready for work - 4:00 am is alarm time. Yawn. I'm already so tired and the brats are teasing me about nodding off at 8:30 or 9:00 pm. Maybe I should wake them up for a few days at 4:00 and see when they get tired? Here's another thing I've noticed as I get back into the swing of things, I'm old and stiff and sore a lot faster than I remember even just a couple of years ago. But push through I will because I also know it gets better as you go and that no matter how slow I go, it is better than what I was doing even a month ago.
Here's to everyone setting healthy eating/exercising goals for 2020. It's an uphill battle but we are not alone. I know that there are others trying to fit into those chaps, jeans and fitted show shirts out there and feeling a little more fluffy than they were last fall. Here's hoping we can motivate each other to keep pushing on.
Operation Fit Into Show Clothes 2020 is a go!
Food diary. Ugh. If you've never kept track of every bite of food that crosses your lips, you've never experienced that utter suckiness of realizing just how many minutes or miles on the treadmill that line of Oreos is gonna cost you. Heck - one of my weaknesses is cheese. Seems healthy enough, right? It's good(ish) for you with all that dairy. I was horrified to realize that one of those snack grab chunks of cheese from KT was costing me 220 calories, the same as a Hershey bar. That's half an hour walking on the treadmill folks. 3-0 minutes. Not worth it for that cheese I inhaled in less than 1 minute. That line of Oreos you ask? Each Oreo is approximately 70 calories so wait, how many Oreos are in a line? It's not like I have ever counted them. God bless Google - according to Google there are 15 cookies in a line. So let's see, that's 15 x 70 so ... 5 x 7 carry the 3...... a lot of calories. Oh wait - 1,050 calories. My Fitness Pal has me on a 1300 calories a day goal. That line of Oreos is a serious dent in the rest of the day. Obviously, once I start tracking calories, veggies become my friend.
Years ago I started using an app called My Fitness Pal to track my calories in and out - also to track nutrition (I really suck at getting enough iron...). It's very handy and has really helped keep my eating in check. When a person realizes just how many calories are in 1/2 cup of something (and just how small 1/2 a cup truly is), then you begin to understand how and why we gain weight. I'll never forget the time I was counting the tator tots on my plate and put a couple back. Libby was like, "are you seriously counting tator tots?" You darn right I am child! Each one of those buggers is 15 - 20 calories. EACH. HOLY CRAP PEOPLE! But they are so good. Then when you figure in the calories from the ranch that is required for dipping them in... tator tots have become a cheat food.
You know what else I noticed while logging calories and trying to make better choices? Good for you food is super expensive. And super perishable. It is definitely much more difficult to eat right. Eating poorly is quick, cheap and convenient. It's grab and go food and it's prepackaged meals. Fresh (or even frozen) fruits and veggies get expensive. And don't get me started on some of the healthier options for carbs and proteins. Sigh. But it's the right thing to do and the right choice to make so healthier eating here I come.
And then people say, but it's so good for you and it tastes great! Okay, let's be honest here people. It tastes fine. I'll even grant you "good". But let's hold back the rest of the superlatives for now okay? ANYTHING that is low calorie and good for you, does not taste "great". Of course my definition of great is a salted caramel concrete mixer from Culvers, or a Dairy Queen blizzard or a greasy pizza overloaded with cheese. Those foods taste great. Your rice bowl with no oil or dressing and topped with fruits and veggies is good. I'll give you good. Don't be expecting more than that. Fight me.
For now I'm adding a green smoothie as a breakfast option, even though my first attempt literally exploded on me in the kitchen. Note to self - the bottom of the container on the Magic Bullet LOOSENS over time as it is blending. Who knew? Well, I know now. As does poor Tim who rushed to my aid to help me clean the counter, toaster, fridge, cabinets and floor off of green spinach/kale/strawberry smoothie. Did I mention I had to completely change for work? Yay me. Learning experience that it was, I now "enjoy" (really it isn't that bad) a healthy green smoothie for breakfast each day and have added more raw and cooked veggies to my diet. I do allow myself something sweet each day to appease my sweet tooth. It might be a diet soda, but it is sweet.
You know what else this whole Operation Fit Into Show Clothes thing means? Exercise. Now I'm not one who hates exercise. I love working with my horses. (And if even one of you utters the "but the horses do all the work" comment, you're coming to ride with me. I guarantee you that China and I are breathing equally heavy after working on her lope for 10 minutes.) There are oodles of farm chores that require plenty of physical exertion, like hauling 5 gallon pails of water in the winter or hay bales from one barn to the other. So outside exercise it totally fun. However, I also love a good run or walk on the treadmill thanks to the power of Netflix. What I don't love is the fact that I have to get up at 4:00 am to do it. I have chores to do after work and then dash off to games most evenings, so mornings it is. And with having morning chores to do and getting ready for work - 4:00 am is alarm time. Yawn. I'm already so tired and the brats are teasing me about nodding off at 8:30 or 9:00 pm. Maybe I should wake them up for a few days at 4:00 and see when they get tired? Here's another thing I've noticed as I get back into the swing of things, I'm old and stiff and sore a lot faster than I remember even just a couple of years ago. But push through I will because I also know it gets better as you go and that no matter how slow I go, it is better than what I was doing even a month ago.
Here's to everyone setting healthy eating/exercising goals for 2020. It's an uphill battle but we are not alone. I know that there are others trying to fit into those chaps, jeans and fitted show shirts out there and feeling a little more fluffy than they were last fall. Here's hoping we can motivate each other to keep pushing on.
Operation Fit Into Show Clothes 2020 is a go!
Wednesday, January 1, 2020
Saying goodbye to 2019
It's remarkable how a person can heal and move past scary or just down right sucky events. When looking back on 2019 my first comment was, "it was a pretty good year". And then we sat as a family and tried to remember what all had happened in 2019 and we realized that we did face quite a few challenges in 2019.
2019 - The Year of the Vet Bills
In a way it seems like a million years ago, but in reality it was just a few short months ago that China went from being one of the cheapest horses I've ever owned to one of the most expensive. She racked up quite an impressive collection of vet bills late last winter with her random refusing to eat. And not to be outdone there was Pepper and her impaling herself on the invisible something or another in the round pen and Juju's broken leg/wound that wouldn't heal drama. I'm very thankful to have all three of them still with us today; whole, healthy and sound. But I do like to joke that there is a new wing going on our very favorite vet clinic titled the Andring Wing.
2019: The Year of the Vehicle Curse
We really haven't been able to catch much of a break with used vehicles this year. First we borrowed a vehicle that left us stranded at a gas station and we needed to put a new alternator in. We like to remind Tim's folks that we are "part owners" of their pick up. Literally. We own ONE part. Then Big Blue needed tires and a power steering pump (that was a scary ride home that day). Then Little Red decided it was her turn and we put in wheel bearings, fan motors, wheel hubs, tires, you name it. Let's be honest, there are still a few things that could be fixed on Little Red, but at some point the checkbook has to stop hemorrhaging money for mechanics. At least temporarily.
2019: The Year of the Cutie Saga
This will always be the year of the epic sale of Cutie. Considering I didn't really even want to sell her to begin with, but thought she was going to get a little girl all of her own, it couldn't have been more disastrous. I've always said that horse people are either the nicest, kindest, most generous people on the planet or batshit crazy. There really isn't a happy medium anywhere. This lady definitely fell in the batshit crazy column. The constant messages about how dangerous and crazy Cutie was (the pony I put Tim and Carter on mind you), the refusal to send her back - even for a full refund, followed by more messages about how I had misrepresented the pony, all while Cutie was half a continent away in Alabama.... I finally had to tell the gal not to message me ever again. But the good news is that saga ended in the best way possible with Cutie ending up in the hands of a knowledgable trainer who marketed her honestly to an amazing NEW family. Poor Cutie got shuffled around a bunch last year, but she's in a safe and loving home today and I'm so thankful.
2019: The Year Libby Learned NOT to Bid on Horses
It was a brief but quick lesson. She brought home that big, beautiful Appaloosa mare that she bought for a steal at the sale barn. That big mare could not be stalled as she paced THE ENTIRE TIME, literally running into the walls she was so frantic. She was trained very well, however she was also SPAYED which makes using her as a broodmare pretty darn difficult and she had an undisclosed previously torn tendon. Thank goodness the sale barn took her back after just a couple of days and we were only out the gas money to and from. Life lesson learned!
2019: The Year of Snow and More Snow and More Snow and....
I hope we never have another winter like last year. Between the bitter cold and polar vortexes and the feet and feet of snow, running a pony farm (and being a teacher) were real challenges. I cannot believe the sheer amounts of snow that Mother Nature decided to grace us with last year. She sure made her presence known. Ten snow days did allow our family to brush up on our Mario Cart skills though. Hmmm.. it's that time of year again, maybe I should start practicing.
In 2019 we said goodbye to friends, family, pets but we also said hello and made new friends or strengthened friendships.
*We added so many chickens that I can't count them all - our first time having chickens hatch out their own nests, successfully. We attended our first Waverly Swap too and I can't say enough how much fun that was!
*We added not one, but two new donkeys. And we couldn't have asked for sweeter donks to join our family. Mini donkeys are so cool, they are more like big old dogs that donkeys. But with enough sass and bounce to keep us all in stitches.
*We added two new faces to our pony herd and made a new friend in the process. We are so thankful to have beautiful and sweet Fiona and her 2019 filly, Pepper as part of our herd. It was fun having our very own baby again and we look forward to the baby that Fi will have in 2020 (and Cher's too).
2019 - The Year of the Vet Bills
In a way it seems like a million years ago, but in reality it was just a few short months ago that China went from being one of the cheapest horses I've ever owned to one of the most expensive. She racked up quite an impressive collection of vet bills late last winter with her random refusing to eat. And not to be outdone there was Pepper and her impaling herself on the invisible something or another in the round pen and Juju's broken leg/wound that wouldn't heal drama. I'm very thankful to have all three of them still with us today; whole, healthy and sound. But I do like to joke that there is a new wing going on our very favorite vet clinic titled the Andring Wing.
Poor China, every time I look at this pic I cringe at how thin she was (and she had put about 50 - 100 lbs back on by this pic) and the clipping marks from all the tests they ran on her at Aimes, IA. Here's hoping she never decides to put us through that scare again. This was also the year I learned that the product red cell is excellent for "perking up" a horse's appetite, putting a shine on a horse and helping them get their energy back. However, it also makes them crazier than a loon. Write that down, it's good to remember.
2019: The Year of the Vehicle Curse
We really haven't been able to catch much of a break with used vehicles this year. First we borrowed a vehicle that left us stranded at a gas station and we needed to put a new alternator in. We like to remind Tim's folks that we are "part owners" of their pick up. Literally. We own ONE part. Then Big Blue needed tires and a power steering pump (that was a scary ride home that day). Then Little Red decided it was her turn and we put in wheel bearings, fan motors, wheel hubs, tires, you name it. Let's be honest, there are still a few things that could be fixed on Little Red, but at some point the checkbook has to stop hemorrhaging money for mechanics. At least temporarily.
2019: The Year of the Cutie Saga
This will always be the year of the epic sale of Cutie. Considering I didn't really even want to sell her to begin with, but thought she was going to get a little girl all of her own, it couldn't have been more disastrous. I've always said that horse people are either the nicest, kindest, most generous people on the planet or batshit crazy. There really isn't a happy medium anywhere. This lady definitely fell in the batshit crazy column. The constant messages about how dangerous and crazy Cutie was (the pony I put Tim and Carter on mind you), the refusal to send her back - even for a full refund, followed by more messages about how I had misrepresented the pony, all while Cutie was half a continent away in Alabama.... I finally had to tell the gal not to message me ever again. But the good news is that saga ended in the best way possible with Cutie ending up in the hands of a knowledgable trainer who marketed her honestly to an amazing NEW family. Poor Cutie got shuffled around a bunch last year, but she's in a safe and loving home today and I'm so thankful.
2019: The Year Libby Learned NOT to Bid on Horses
It was a brief but quick lesson. She brought home that big, beautiful Appaloosa mare that she bought for a steal at the sale barn. That big mare could not be stalled as she paced THE ENTIRE TIME, literally running into the walls she was so frantic. She was trained very well, however she was also SPAYED which makes using her as a broodmare pretty darn difficult and she had an undisclosed previously torn tendon. Thank goodness the sale barn took her back after just a couple of days and we were only out the gas money to and from. Life lesson learned!
2019: The Year of Snow and More Snow and More Snow and....
I hope we never have another winter like last year. Between the bitter cold and polar vortexes and the feet and feet of snow, running a pony farm (and being a teacher) were real challenges. I cannot believe the sheer amounts of snow that Mother Nature decided to grace us with last year. She sure made her presence known. Ten snow days did allow our family to brush up on our Mario Cart skills though. Hmmm.. it's that time of year again, maybe I should start practicing.
In 2019 we said goodbye to friends, family, pets but we also said hello and made new friends or strengthened friendships.
*We added so many chickens that I can't count them all - our first time having chickens hatch out their own nests, successfully. We attended our first Waverly Swap too and I can't say enough how much fun that was!
*We added not one, but two new donkeys. And we couldn't have asked for sweeter donks to join our family. Mini donkeys are so cool, they are more like big old dogs that donkeys. But with enough sass and bounce to keep us all in stitches.
*We added two new faces to our pony herd and made a new friend in the process. We are so thankful to have beautiful and sweet Fiona and her 2019 filly, Pepper as part of our herd. It was fun having our very own baby again and we look forward to the baby that Fi will have in 2020 (and Cher's too).
*Speaking of Juju, it was just after the first of the year last year that Juju joined our family. She is also one of the sweetest dogs you will ever meet. If you stop by the farm and a big Aussie barks her deep bark at you, don't be afraid - she is literally all bark. In fact if you yell at her, there is a good chance she would pee herself. But she is beautiful, loyal and kind and that's all that matters to me!
*2019 was also the year that my youngest finally decided to show full time with me again. It was so great having Sophie to practice with me and show with me. It gave me so much pride to watch her turn her sassy little Mercy into a safe and willing show pony. She's going to be perfect for some little boy or girl in a couple of years. She even won her first ever belt buckle. Onwards and upwards in 2020!
*Last year was both Sophie's and my first year back to Champ Show in a long time. It may not have gone as we planned, but there is always next year and we have that first one under our belts now. Here's hoping that maybe some of the jitters will be less? Who are we kidding!
*We had our first family vacation in several years when we took the kiddos to the Wisconsin Dells for a few fun filled days of sunshine and water. We made a lot of memories and had a blast.
*Sophie played her first varsity games for volleyball and basketball. So proud of her!
There are so many wonderful things ahead of us. I can't wait to see what 2020 brings our family. While 2019 had its challenges, the important thing is that we arrived at 2020 together, happy and healthy and ready to face the new year as a family.
Wednesday, October 23, 2019
Unpopular opinion: divorce and marriage
I believe in divorce. I know that it is an unpopular opinion to have, because for some reason people have it in their heads that people who have decided to get divorced, do so with little to no thought. I do not believe that people go into marriage thinking, "well - if it doesn't work out I can just get divorced." Not SMART people anyway. Anyone that knows anyone that has gotten divorced knows that divorce is a hell of a lot of trouble and expense. It isn't worth just jumping into marriage with a plan of jumping out. Because let's be honest, it isn't like "jumping out". It's more like dragging yourself on your elbows, through barbed wire and broken glass. While on fire. And with a car on top of you. There is no jumping out. Divorce is fighting over who gets the good towels when that is all you really have to your name. Divorce is lawyers and court dates, custody battles and arguing over 7:00 or 8:00 and where your child sleeps and dirty laundry. (Literally - dirty laundry). It's ugly, it's expensive, it's long and it is the direct opposite of fun.
But people who have been married for years, or worse -people who are newly married and don't have experience with what marriage really entails, love to share the heck out of memes/quotes like the following.
This second meme is ridiculous. They were not born in a time when "if something was broken you fixed it." Well, maybe if you're talking about the 1950 Ford Thunderbird, then yes. But as far as marriage and relationships go, they were born in a time when physical abuse was allowed and overlooked. When alcoholism wasn't a recognized disease. When a woman stayed home and took care of the family, not matter what, and she was solely reliant on her husband for everything. When she literally couldn't afford to leave her husband and was basically trapped in whatever relationship she had. She had no say, no rights and no options. My grandparents grew up in this time. You know what advice I got from my grandfather on my wedding day? He grabbed my arm, pulled me down to eye level with his wheelchair, looked me dead in the eye and said, "If he ever hits you, just remember, he will go to sleep eventually." I've laughed often telling that story, but let's take a minute. He wasn't kidding. He dead thought that my only recourse to an abusive husband was to kill or beat him while he slept. That is the kind of time he grew up in.
It took me 16 years to get out of my shame spiral and file for divorce because I didn't want to be the person who gave up on my marriage. My parents didn't raise a quitter. I didn't want to "hurt my kids". I thought all marriages were like mine. Boy, was I ever wrong. The best thing I ever did for my kids was GET DIVORCED. My divorce taught my girls a lot of very important life lessons. It taught them that...
*It's never too late to stand up for yourself and start over. Never be afraid of new beginnings.
*Sometimes change is really hard, really really hard, but so worth it in the end.
*Love isn't sarcasm, put downs, yelling and silent treatments.
*Love is hugs, helping each other, supporting each other and affection.
*Setting boundaries for how others treat you is okay - expect others to treat you with respect.
*You deserve the best and to be treated like your significant other feels lucky to have you.
*It is better to be alone than to be with someone who doesn't make you happy.
*You have to love yourself first before you can love someone else.
*Sometimes you can work really hard at something and still fail.
*You can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped or doesn't see a problem with their actions. (My ex used to tell me all the time that if I had a problem with his drinking then I was the one with a problem.)
*Trust your gut.
Divorce isn't anyone's desired end result. But it is necessary for some people to survive, mentally and even physically sometimes. There are a lot worse evils in this world than divorce. We need to stop acting superior for having stuck it out in a bad marriage. We need to stop shaming those who want better things for themselves and their kids. Maybe instead, remind our friends and share often, that we are always there for them - no matter what life decisions they feel they need to make. Here's my official notice. I won't judge you if you choose marriage, or divorce or life partner or the single life. Call me. We should chat.
But people who have been married for years, or worse -people who are newly married and don't have experience with what marriage really entails, love to share the heck out of memes/quotes like the following.
Aww, how lovely. How lovely for you that are all in the happy go lucky, I'm so in love with him, he's cute when he sucks up soup off his spoon, he can't do anything wrong stage. Or how lovely for those of you who have a partner that will listen when you talk, will share with you when something is wrong, will work on things WITH you or care enough about you to work on themselves as a person and not expect you to do all the changing. Not everyone in marriage is that lucky.
Some people are in marriages with alcoholics or drug addicts, gambling addictions or worse, are being physically abused. But.... BUUTTTT you say - "I don't mean them!" You try to justify sharing your meme by saying "I didn't mean those who are in UNSAFE relationships, I just meant MOST marriages." Well, then - where do you draw the line? Cheating? Verbal abuse? Sexual abuse? Controlling personalities? Where? What makes you the marriage expert and gives you the right to make someone reading your shared meme feel like a failure because they didn't "sit down and figure it out" or worse - because they did set boundaries (like when is that ever a bad thing?) for their own health and well being?
Memes like the one above make my skin crawl, and it isn't just because of the complete lack of appropriate punctuation and ability to follow conventional grammar rules. It is because of the condescending, shame creating spiral it causes in anyone who is unhappy in their marriage. And what do people deserve? TO BE HAPPY. You want to know what's worse than divorce? Try living in an unhappy marriage for years and covering up that unhappiness with alcohol or spending or work because you can't stand your life. You know what else is worse? Having your kids growing up in an unhappy household and knowing that they are growing up thinking that this is what marriage and relationships look like. Now that is scary.
This second meme is ridiculous. They were not born in a time when "if something was broken you fixed it." Well, maybe if you're talking about the 1950 Ford Thunderbird, then yes. But as far as marriage and relationships go, they were born in a time when physical abuse was allowed and overlooked. When alcoholism wasn't a recognized disease. When a woman stayed home and took care of the family, not matter what, and she was solely reliant on her husband for everything. When she literally couldn't afford to leave her husband and was basically trapped in whatever relationship she had. She had no say, no rights and no options. My grandparents grew up in this time. You know what advice I got from my grandfather on my wedding day? He grabbed my arm, pulled me down to eye level with his wheelchair, looked me dead in the eye and said, "If he ever hits you, just remember, he will go to sleep eventually." I've laughed often telling that story, but let's take a minute. He wasn't kidding. He dead thought that my only recourse to an abusive husband was to kill or beat him while he slept. That is the kind of time he grew up in.
It took me 16 years to get out of my shame spiral and file for divorce because I didn't want to be the person who gave up on my marriage. My parents didn't raise a quitter. I didn't want to "hurt my kids". I thought all marriages were like mine. Boy, was I ever wrong. The best thing I ever did for my kids was GET DIVORCED. My divorce taught my girls a lot of very important life lessons. It taught them that...
*It's never too late to stand up for yourself and start over. Never be afraid of new beginnings.
*Sometimes change is really hard, really really hard, but so worth it in the end.
*Love isn't sarcasm, put downs, yelling and silent treatments.
*Love is hugs, helping each other, supporting each other and affection.
*Setting boundaries for how others treat you is okay - expect others to treat you with respect.
*You deserve the best and to be treated like your significant other feels lucky to have you.
*It is better to be alone than to be with someone who doesn't make you happy.
*You have to love yourself first before you can love someone else.
*Sometimes you can work really hard at something and still fail.
*You can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped or doesn't see a problem with their actions. (My ex used to tell me all the time that if I had a problem with his drinking then I was the one with a problem.)
*Trust your gut.
Divorce isn't anyone's desired end result. But it is necessary for some people to survive, mentally and even physically sometimes. There are a lot worse evils in this world than divorce. We need to stop acting superior for having stuck it out in a bad marriage. We need to stop shaming those who want better things for themselves and their kids. Maybe instead, remind our friends and share often, that we are always there for them - no matter what life decisions they feel they need to make. Here's my official notice. I won't judge you if you choose marriage, or divorce or life partner or the single life. Call me. We should chat.
Wednesday, October 9, 2019
#gabbystrong
As many of my friends and family know, our local community lost a beloved member just a few days ago. Little Gabby Brown had just celebrated her second birthday when she lost her fight to leukemia. Today is the day that hundreds of people, whose life she touched, will gather to say their goodbyes and celebrate her beautiful life. But today is not where #gabbystrong ends.
Yesterday the #gabbystrong t-shirts that were ordered arrived. As several people lamented that the shirts came too late, it struck me that #gabbystrong does not need to end because Gabby's fight is over. #gabbystrong is no longer just about Gabby's fight against leukemia. #gabbystrong has shown us that no matter your size or age, you can face anything with positivity, a smile, a giggle and love. #gabbystrong taught us that we are not alone. Our communities have rallied around the Brown family with overwhelming love and support. Through the power of social media, that community has grown to include all of southeast Minnesota and beyond. #gabbystrong taught us to hold our families close and that family is the most important part of our lives. #gabbystrong has shown us the kindness of strangers and the good people in this world. #gabbystrong has helped us see how strong we can all be when our strength is needed. We all need to be #gabbystrong today and moving forward into our futures, not just for the Brown family, but for ourselves, our own loved ones and those whose lives we touch.
Today will be an incredibly hard day, for Gabby was a light in this world. Her smile and laughter were infections, contagious and we all fell in love with her through the posts her parents shared. There aren't words to thank her parents enough for bringing her light into our lives, but there are actions. It is important that we know that her light did not go out. When we keep her alive in our hearts and live our lives keeping #gabbystrong at the forefront of our actions, Gabby's light shines. Whether your religion allows you to believe she is an angel in heaven or if she is simply an angel in your heart, Gabby's light needs to stay with us. Let Gabby's light shine through your kindness to others and to yourself. Let Gabby's light be there to lift you up when you are struggling or get your own bad news that seems insurmountable. Let Gabby's light be there when you want to give up and you need to remember that you can keep fighting. Let Gabby's light be there when you need to be strong for others as Gabby's family, friends, and community were for Gabby. #gabbystrong means you've got this and you keep fighting. #gabbystrong means never giving in. #gabbystrong isn't just about Gabby, it is about all of us.
Keep Gabby's family in your thoughts and prayers, not just today but every day. Part of their fight is just beginning. And always, always remember, together, we've got this.
#gabbystrong
Yesterday the #gabbystrong t-shirts that were ordered arrived. As several people lamented that the shirts came too late, it struck me that #gabbystrong does not need to end because Gabby's fight is over. #gabbystrong is no longer just about Gabby's fight against leukemia. #gabbystrong has shown us that no matter your size or age, you can face anything with positivity, a smile, a giggle and love. #gabbystrong taught us that we are not alone. Our communities have rallied around the Brown family with overwhelming love and support. Through the power of social media, that community has grown to include all of southeast Minnesota and beyond. #gabbystrong taught us to hold our families close and that family is the most important part of our lives. #gabbystrong has shown us the kindness of strangers and the good people in this world. #gabbystrong has helped us see how strong we can all be when our strength is needed. We all need to be #gabbystrong today and moving forward into our futures, not just for the Brown family, but for ourselves, our own loved ones and those whose lives we touch.
Today will be an incredibly hard day, for Gabby was a light in this world. Her smile and laughter were infections, contagious and we all fell in love with her through the posts her parents shared. There aren't words to thank her parents enough for bringing her light into our lives, but there are actions. It is important that we know that her light did not go out. When we keep her alive in our hearts and live our lives keeping #gabbystrong at the forefront of our actions, Gabby's light shines. Whether your religion allows you to believe she is an angel in heaven or if she is simply an angel in your heart, Gabby's light needs to stay with us. Let Gabby's light shine through your kindness to others and to yourself. Let Gabby's light be there to lift you up when you are struggling or get your own bad news that seems insurmountable. Let Gabby's light be there when you want to give up and you need to remember that you can keep fighting. Let Gabby's light be there when you need to be strong for others as Gabby's family, friends, and community were for Gabby. #gabbystrong means you've got this and you keep fighting. #gabbystrong means never giving in. #gabbystrong isn't just about Gabby, it is about all of us.
Keep Gabby's family in your thoughts and prayers, not just today but every day. Part of their fight is just beginning. And always, always remember, together, we've got this.
#gabbystrong
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)