I’m so over the moon excited for one of my very good friends. This past weekend her significant other surprised her with a ring and a proposal! She’s engaged and I’m so happy for her. She deserves every little bit of happiness and joy after her previous nightmare with a narcissistic cheater. We have shared many stories back and forth about how we struggled, but also how we have overcome. So one of the things I shared with her yesterday was this meme with a quote about gaining the love of a guarded girl.
It might seem like a weird thing to share with someone on this very happy occasion, but I wanted her to know that for those who have been in an abusive relationship like she has, getting engaged is more than just moving on to a big step in life and being with the one you love forever. It is moving past more than moving on. It is being able to put all those fears and worries aside and open your heart again. It’s like climbing the Mount Everest of relationships and she has conquered the peak! I am so happy and so proud of her.
For a guarded girl, saying that they need someone is a Herculean effort. They can open their hearts again to love, but there have been so many walls built up against needing someone that it has become a bad 4 letter word. I joke that I should wear that sign that Sandra Bullock wears in the movie 28 Days.
I struggle with asking for help. I know Tim gets frustrated. He will often ask me what he can do to help and my response is almost always the same, “nothing, I’m good.” I remember flat out telling myself years ago that I was on my own and if I wanted something done I better figure it out myself. Prime example was our fence lines and weeds. I would ask my ex to use his “$1,000” weedeater (we always had the best tools money could buy) to trim fence lines. It wouldn’t get done and wouldn’t get done and pretty soon the electric fence wasn’t so electric anymore. So since I wasn’t allowed to use the weedeater I took matters into my own hands. I had this antique scythe that I used to clean fencelines.
It was old, rusty and very dull. But it kind of worked. The point is, I learned to do things myself. And I took great pride it taking care of myself and not needing anyone.
It was old, rusty and very dull. But it kind of worked. The point is, I learned to do things myself. And I took great pride it taking care of myself and not needing anyone.
As the years went on, I became not only proud of my independence, but protective of it. Failed relationships made me defensive. No one needed me so I made darn sure I didn’t need anyone. I was like the toddler that stops their foot, “I can do it myself.” And I set out to show the world that I could.
I’m still struggling with this battle day after day. Tim is simply wonderful. (I know you’re sick of hearing that and are pretty sure he is a unicorn that farts rainbows. Let me be honest, his farts are not rainbows…but he truly has been beyond patient.) Tim tells me that he needs me, which as any guarded girl will tell you, is like a magic remedy. He also is persistent with asking how he can help. And he doesn’t really take no for an answer. Which is kind of annoying in a “I need to hear it and love him for it” kind of way.
So for all you guarded girls, keep trying to let others in. Open your heart and take a risk. You can’t experience the joy if you don’t take that leap. And for all of you in love with us, please just keep asking. We do appreciate it and when we do say, “sure” or give you some task we wouldn’t mind help with, know that we are stepping out of our comfort zone and doing the best we can. Be patient with us. We will love you all the more for it.
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