For most teachers and most school districts we are in the middle of parent teacher conference time; either just finishing up, or just starting or right smack dab in the middle. This means a time for most teachers to get to meet the parents of their students, share concerns and get to know the families a little better. I know that many parents get very nervous about coming in to talk to the teacher about their student. Many times this causes parents to get a bit on the defensive before we even get started. I promise you, there are things we teachers wish you knew.
We have to push your kids. We push them because we want them to get better, to improve and to learn. We challenge them every day and expect more out of them than has been asked of them in the past because we KNOW through years of experience, that kids thrive on high expectations. We know that when we raise the bar, our students will rise to meet those standards and they will feel that rush of success when they do. We know that the feeling of accomplishment they get for working hard toward the goal will make all the hard work worth it. And we know that they can do it. They can get that overwhelming rush of success and accomplishment that will help them push through the next challenge.
Your kid is not the perfect angel they may claim to be. If there is an argument with another student or a time when they have gotten in trouble with the teacher, there is a good chance they were not a complete innocent victim. I know we would all love to believe our kids would never hurt someone else’s feelings, cheat on an assignment, talk back to an adult, etc… But they are kids. They make mistakes too. That’s how they learn. And your reaction to that mistake will help decide how that lesson gets received. If you blame the argument on the other child, the cheating on the teacher, the disrespect on someone else, you’re setting your child up to learn that there is an excuse for their behavior.
Don’t believe everything your little darling tells you. Sometimes when students get in trouble for behavior that they know isn’t appropriate they want to “get back at” the teacher that had to get after them. So they go home and change, omit or downright twist the story to make it look like the teacher was out to get them and acted inappropriately. Their goal is to get mom and dad so fired up that they go bursting into the school with guns blazing ready for a shoot-out at OK Corral. It’s okay to ask questions. It’s not okay to fire off a nasty email to the teacher, the principal and the president trying to get the teacher in trouble for something that may or may not have even happened. Remember that our precious little angels are all about self preservation and the way they recall the “facts” may not be 100% accurate.
With that said, we teachers wish that parents would remember that we aren’t robots. We are living breathing humans who make mistakes. We have bad days and sometimes, despite the very best of intentions, we are distracted or hurting enough that we let our guard down and it shows to the students. Maybe we lose our cool and yell. Or maybe the “crap” word slips out. Or maybe we tell a student just to sit down and be quiet right now. Believe me when I tell you we are sorry. We know that your child deserves better. But if you’re a parent and can honestly tell me that you’ve never lost your cool with your 1, 2 or 3 kids acting up, you’re eligible for sainthood. Imagine having a classroom of 20 and trying to keep your cool all the time, day after day. Now imagine having a cold, a splitting headache, a sore foot or leg or going through a divorce, a personal loss, a financial struggle and still keeping your cool. We are human, we make mistakes and we are truly very sorry.
We wish parents knew how much of our mediocre salary we put towards our classrooms. We don’t teach for the salary. We teach because we love students, love our subject or content area, and love sharing it with your kids. That said, our schools are horribly underfunded. Often times when we ask for resources for our classroom from our district we get told to see what we can find for free, what can we do without and can we find something online that will meet our needs. I don’t blame our schools, they are doing the very best they can. But it means that we, as teachers, are hitting the back to school sales, the Goodwill and Salvation Army, and every book swap or library give away table trying to put school supplies into your child’s hands. We hate having to ask for help from parents, but I guarantee that whatever we ask for in donations we have already spent 10 x that before we asked for a penny from our parents.
Speaking of salaries, we wish you knew that no one goes into teaching for the summer’s off. And no, we don’t get paid to stay home in the summer. We get paid for a 9 month of the year salary. Some of us just choose to have that 9 month salary spread over a 12 month span. And look around at the staff at your school. How many of those teachers have a second job? A third job? Heck - some have four different jobs they are trying to juggle. Teachers don’t want to juggle endless shifts, lack of family time and night and weekends at work because they are making money hand over fist. They do it because they love teaching and love your kids.
Which brings us to the fact that most of all, we wish parents knew how much we love your kids. They are our kids too while we have them. We take great pride in our students and their struggles are our struggles. Even though our day with them ends at 3:15, we take them home with us in our hearts. We worry about them. We talk about them to our closest confidants and we agonize over how to help them become the best people they can be. Worry over if we are doing the right thing never stops and sometimes, it brings us to our knees . There have been more than a few nights when the crushing sense of failure where students are concerned has brought us to tears. We cry over our worry about not doing enough, we cry over what our students go through, we cry over the frustration of not being able to do more. And when summer vacation rolls around, we cry about sending them on and knowing that they aren’t “our kids” any more.
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