“Must be nice” - my new least favorite phrase. Okay, I’m lying - I still hate whatever. But “must be nice” is a close close second. You know what I’m talking about. You comment that your pants are too big and someone responds “Must be nice! I have the hardest time losing weight.” We’ve all probably said it, “must be nice”. If you haven’t you probably have thought it. But what we forget is that, we don’t know the whole story. For example, my inner response to that statement used to be, “You’re right, it is “nice”. What isn’t nice is that my anxiety is so bad that I’m not able to eat. My stomach is literally upset all the time. My anxiety is bad because I’m in an abusive relationship. So yeah, it’s “nice” that I’ve been losing weight.” I wish I could say that was a hypothetical situation. But I lived it. I also lived the “divorce diet” in which my anxiety and depression caused me to lose a dramatic amount of weight. I may weigh a few more pounds now, but I will take happiness over skinny any day. But I wish people knew that sometimes being thin isn’t all that “nice”.
I still get the “must be nice” comment sometimes about my weight. It takes every bit of self control for me not to answer, “It is nice that I’m doing okay fitness wise. That’s because I get up at 4:15 almost every day to work out. I do work out every single day, sometimes missing family time or supper. And I work out, as in, I sweat, push my heart rate to over 150, feel like I’m going to die kind of work out. I also have to pass up that piece of cake, that candy bar, that extra helping of mashed potatoes. While the family has extra meat, potatoes, fish, you name it - I take an extra helping of veggies or have a fruit smoothie. So yeah, it’s nice and a whole lot of work too.” Especially since I’m not happy with my weight or my fitness level. I’m working on it being nice.
Another one I get is when Tim sends me flowers and a co worker says “Must be nice! I never get flowers.” It is nice. It is better than nice, it is freaking amazing. Mostly because it tells me that he’s thinking of me and cares about me. You know what wasn’t nice? The years of emotional, verbal and various other forms abuse in virtually every other relationship I’ve been in. I guess I figure I’m “due” to have found a good guy. I wouldn’t wish what I went through on anyone and I certainly wouldn’t begrudge anyone who has been lucky enough to find someone who treats them right, amazing even. I don’t need to get flowers to know that Tim loves me and is thinking of me - he shows me in a million ways. So yes, it is “nice” to get them.
Oh and another favorite, “Must be nice to have kids who get straight A’s.” Well, I sure can’t take any credit for that, other than I’m sure they get their brains from me. But we do make education a priority in our house. Books before anything else and that makes us a little unpopular sometimes. My kids don’t like being told there will be no phone, no sports, no friend outings, no horses if they don’t get their grades up and/or keep them up. I’m not asking them to get straight A’s. I’m expecting them to do their best. And if the other distractions are preventing that, then I guess we know what goes first. So yeah, sometimes it isn’t so nice when my teenage girls are so angry with me they storm off, throw things around, slam doors and/or yell at me. It also isn’t so nice when my perfectionist daughters fall short of their goals and dissolve into tears and hysterics. That’s really “nice” to have to help with. But yeah, it is nice that my kids get good grades. Not always a whole lot of kicks and giggles, but nice.
I think what is hard is that people are jealous of others without realizing what is going on behind the scenes. And social media plays a huge part in that. I think the majority of people put their best foot forward on social media so that leads others to try to measure up or think that everyone has it better than they do. I can’t say enough that we don’t know. We don’t know or understand what is going on in someone’s personal life, their history, their heart or their mind. We are all fighting our own personal battles. We need to stop judging and start celebrating. Instead of “it must be nice” let’s try being happy for those that have a moment of positivity in the struggle. Let’s be happy for them and celebrate our own joys instead of focusing on who may or may not have it nicer.
I’m just as guilty as the next guy - I’m not going to post the negative stuff on Facebook. I’m going to post the positive. I have made a concentrated effort to keep my Facebook as upbeat as possible. So yes, I’m going to post pictures of my kids getting along, a happy/clean house, my dog being adorable, the horses behaving, and me being happy and healthy. The reality of our household is that the kids fight, the parents get frustrated, the house gets messy, the dog has accidents, the horses can be jerks, and sometimes I feel like death warmed over. Our house isn’t any better or different than your house.
So yeah, it must be nice sometimes, but a lot of times it must suck. Such is the roller coaster of life.
https://fielekefrontporch.com/2015/03/17/im-not-a-liar-but-facebook-sure-is/
No comments:
Post a Comment