Don't Settle

A very good friend of mine who is going through the process of divorce happened to share one of the best videos I have ever seen on her Facebook wall today.  (Which leads me to how happy my Facebook has made me lately but that’s another blog…)  I have seen this gal’s videos before.  I seriously think we could be twin sisters separated at birth because we think so much alike.  But this one, this one is perfect.  I watched the video once.  And I’ve watched it again.  And again.  And … you get the picture.  It is really THAT good.  It is something I’ve talked about before and will talk about again and worry about for my kids and… and.. and… It is a topic that is very near and dear to my heart.  Don’t settle.  

Don't Settle by Truth Bomb Mom

When my friend shared this on her timeline, a friend of hers commented that they felt like the person that Kristina is describing doesn’t exist.  That there really aren’t people who will love us “even though” we have all these flaws, these insecurities, these issues and even though we have kids.  But Kristina is dead on right there are wonderful people out there.  They do exist and you should not settle.

I thought I could settle.  I tried settling.  Not once, but twice.  Heck there were even a few dates in there where I dodged the bullet with someone who I clearly would have been settling for.  It took the last disastrous relationship for me to realize that I was better off doing it alone than to settle.  It took the last relationship for me to say, “screw this, I’m being me and they can like it or leave it.” And I went on that next date and met Tim.  

I was a lot like Kristina; I can relate so much to what she was saying.  I think third date I started with the “I just took a shower and don’t have the mental energy to do my hair and makeup again today” look.  He got me in my “I don’t give a crap what I’m wearing” look by week 2.  He got thrust into a vocal/band performance on week one.  He got my messy divorce and bitter ex mixed up into our relationship by the third or fourth week.  He got my crazy ex thrown at him almost right away complete with the ex’s refusal to get his crap out of my house for weeks on end.  He saw how screwed up my past was, how messed up I currently was and still, he kept showing up.  I may not have had vomiting children, but I had two emotional teenage girls; that trumps simple puking any day of the week.  And he still kept hanging around.  

Not only did he hang around, he was there for me and my girls.  He immediately stepped up to be a father figure in their lives, even though he admittedly was not looking for a relationship with someone who already had kids.  Well, we sure changed his mind on that one.  Not only is he a father figure, he has stepped up to be the dad my girls needed in every way he possibly could.  If I could have written down all the characteristics for the ideal father for my girls, sent them off to the “Best Dad Co.”, and then had him made for me in a factory; the company would have boxed up and shipped out Tim.  He is just what they needed.  And just what I needed.

My friend and I joke all the time about Tim being a unicorn.  He is unbelievably perfect for me.  But guess what, your unicorn is out there too.  Do not settle.  Do not settle for more years of “close enough”, “even though”, “he’s trying” or “I want too much”.  As Kristina says, “as moms/parents, we don’t get to settle”.  You need to ask more of what you want for you and for your children.  I sleep so much better each night knowing that my relationship with Tim sets an example for what I want for both of my girls.  

On a lighter note, you need to check out all of Truth Bomb Mom (Kristian Kuzmic)’s videos.  She has great advice on being a mom.  Another one of my favorites… “mean mom”.  

Truth Bomb Mom "Mean Mom"