Lonely...

Loneliness is such a horrible feeling.  Nothing hurts my heart more than seeing a child without someone to play with or hearing that one of my students feels excluded.  That feeling of being left out only gets worse with age.

Did you know it is possible to feel incredible loneliness even when you are in a relationship?  I recently read that the feeling of being cut off in a relationship, left out, left behind is the leading reason women divorce their husbands.  Even if you talk every day, if all you ever talk about is who is picking up the kids, what is for dinner and did the bills get paid, that overwhelming crushing loneliness becomes too much for a heart to handle.  But the fear of that loneliness getting even worse by being alone keeps thousands of people, probably hundreds of thousands of people, in shitty relationships all around the world.  I guess a little loneliness is better than admitting you are really and truly alone.

This time of year is a terrible time of year to feel alone.  If you have any kind of social media presence you see happy couples together and families cuddling everywhere you turn.  People don’t do it to be cruel, they are sharing their joy which is what social media is for!  But for those who are alone, it can seem that everyone is loved and has a special someone except you.

Nothing drives that point home more than the out of the blue text messages I received last week.  Both were from a couple of nicer guys I met on a dating website nearly two years ago.  Both of them messaged me after so long to ask how I was and if I was still single.  The “I’m married” response was met with radio silence but that isn’t really what got me thinking.  What got me thinking was how sad those two texts made me.  It makes me incredibly sad to think that there are so many people, like these two men, who are wonderful people but are feeling so lonely they message a random person they talked to two years earlier.  One of them had decided two years ago that we lived too far apart to keep chatting. Apparently his loneliness had gotten to the point where a 2 hour drive seemed doable.  And while I had found someone, here was this person that was still feeling so alone that he was going through old contacts hoping to strike up a conversation with someone he had turned down two years earlier. It makes me sad for them. 

Those texts also reminded me how incredibly blessed I am.  I have Tim, my soulmate and someone I can turn to for anything.  I don’t have to do it alone anymore and I don’t have to worry about that lonely feeling.  Which also made me realize how having felt that alone makes a person that much more careful to make sure that those you love never know that empty feeling.  Maybe that’s why we go through that hurt, so that we know how it feels and do our best to make sure our loved ones never feel that way. I would never want any of my friends or family to feel the way I felt so I will do my best to remind them constantly that I need them, appreciate them and love them. 

So.. with that thought, let's reach out to our friends and family.  Let's tell them how much we love them.  Remind them that they aren't alone. Get them out and about, invite them over, ask them for help.  Never let anyone feel alone that isn't.  And while you're at it, maybe let them know you've been there before and there is another side to that loneliness; a learning side and hope for a better after. 

And you know I can't let this topic go without sharing with you another reminder.  Please never forget that you are never alone.  God is always with you.  Sprinkle of Jesus app - download it.  (It was recommended to me by my oldest daughter, which will be shocking to some of you who know how hard Libby fought against me when it comes to organized religion.) The other day this was shared: "If you saw the size of the blessing coming, you would understand the magnitude of the battle you are fighting."  This has been true during so many times of my life.  Be strong, the blessing is just around the corner.