Wait for it... wait for it....

Wait for it… wait for it… oh yes - there it is.  This was literally me the day the news blew up about Matt Lauer being fired for inappropriate sexual behavior.  I was ready for it to show up on my newsfeed and then there it was.

“So when will a powerful woman be fired or questioned about sexual misconduct?”  and “Poor men can’t say anything any more for risk of being in trouble for sexual harassment.”  

I’d love to say I wasn’t disappointed.  And I guess in a way I wasn’t.  I completely expected this exact response and in that way, I wasn’t disappointed.  But in another way, I was hugely and vastly disappointed.  In the, “Are you effing kidding me, America?” kind of disappointment.  

I cannot believe that here we are in 2017 and our reaction to finding out that a man in power exposed his penis to women who did NOT want to see it, made inappropriate jokes and had various other sexually inappropriate interactions at work is to BLAME THE WOMEN.  Are you really for real?  If I never hear again “well, what did she do?” it will be too soon.  

I do not care what the women in his work place did.  I do not care if they came to work dressed as strippers every day, hell I don’t care if they showed up naked.  That’s right I expect that women could walk around stark ass naked and not be afraid of being raped or sexually harassed.  I do not care if they laughed at his jokes when he said them.  I do not care if he “always seemed like a nice guy” on TV before.  What he did is not okay.  

Do not tell me, “a guy can’t say anything anymore”.  First of all, I wish.  I freaking wish a guy couldn’t be inappropriate anymore!  But let’s be honest.  If by “a guy can’t say anything”, you mean, “a guy can’t even make sexist jokes anymore”.  Then I say, “hallelujah”.  If you mean, “a guy can’t even hit on a woman anymore”.  Great!  If you mean, “a guy can’t even talk about what he’d like to do to a woman’s body when he gets her alone anymore” I say, “it’s about damn time”!  You want to know what a guy can do where women are concerned, let me make it super easy for you.

If a male is interested in a female here is how you proceed.  You talk to that person, in person by the way, and ask them, “I was wondering if you would like to go out to dinner with me or possibly catch a movie?” (Feel free to insert any other polite evening/afternoon type activity in here.  Netflix and “chill” not included.)  Then wait for the woman’s response.  If she says, “Sure, that sounds great”, then ask for her contact information.  If she says no, say something along the lines of, “oh okay, thanks anyway” or something else you would say when someone turns you down politely.  Later, leave the workplace and go out on said date, expecting nothing more than a fun evening and conversation in return.  If you had a good time, either of you could ask out the other again.  Or not.  It’s really okay either way. Seems simple enough, why is it so confusing?  

Maybe I should make it even more simple:

1. It is not okay to joke about a person’s body at work, especially any body part in reference to how you would like to touch it or play with it or what you would do to it.  
2. It is not okay to expect sex because you pay for dinner.
3. It is not okay to make jokes about women as strippers, prostitutes, dumb blonds, in the kitchen, easy, etc…  If you wouldn’t want someone to say it about your mom, your sister or your grandma, it isn’t funny.
4. If a woman says “no”, it means no.  No does not mean, “keep trying I may change my mind” or “I’m playing hard to get” or “ask me repeatedly until I change my mind”.  No means no.  
5. If a woman starts out saying yes and then changes her answer to no, it means no.  See #4 if you’re still confused.
6. Workplace sex is not okay.  This isn’t an episode of Grey’s Anatomy.   Exposing yourself to a woman at work is not okay.  Having a quickie in the lounge or the elevator is not okay.  Work is for work.  Ask the woman out on a date if you’re both interested in each other that way and then LEAVE THE WORKPLACE.
7. Respect personal space.  There is no such thing as “accidentally” brushing up against someone.  If you are within an arm’s reach, you are too close.  Especially if your job does not require you to work in such close quarters.  

And to all of you saying, “Why are all of these allegations coming out now?”  I ask, “why not?”  Who are you to judge what finally gave these women the courage to speak out, fully knowing that they would have their lives, their behavior, their dress scrutinized to the utmost degree.  Knowing that they would have everyone wondering what THEY did wrong.  Knowing that a vast majority of people would not believe them and they would be called liars.  I’m so proud of these women for speaking up.  I like to think I would be that brave, but I fear I am not.  

As far as, those questioning when will the women who harass men going to be charged or fired I say, I would hope that any man who is being harassed comes forward.  I hope that any man, woman or child who feels unsafe will someday feel that they can come forward and seek protection.  I hope that no one’s status, wealth or rank will allow them to harass those they consider “beneath” them and get away with it.  And I dream that someday I will live in a country where sexual harassment becomes a dark period in history that we talk about, glad it is behind us.  

There is hope for a better future.  My husband said it best the other morning when I was lamenting about these types of behavior. See my response wasn’t “how dare some woman come forward and poor Matt Lauer.”  My response was, “Again.  Seriously!  When are men going to get it?  When is it going to stop?  Why can the human brain not learn self control?”  His response was, “well, hopefully we are making a change for the better.  Hopefully this is the start of the change.”  I’m with you honey.  Hopefully we stop questioning the victims and start saying, “no more” but for now I’m saying “I support victims of sexual harassment.”  Period.