Don't Settle

A very good friend of mine who is going through the process of divorce happened to share one of the best videos I have ever seen on her Facebook wall today.  (Which leads me to how happy my Facebook has made me lately but that’s another blog…)  I have seen this gal’s videos before.  I seriously think we could be twin sisters separated at birth because we think so much alike.  But this one, this one is perfect.  I watched the video once.  And I’ve watched it again.  And again.  And … you get the picture.  It is really THAT good.  It is something I’ve talked about before and will talk about again and worry about for my kids and… and.. and… It is a topic that is very near and dear to my heart.  Don’t settle.  

Don't Settle by Truth Bomb Mom

When my friend shared this on her timeline, a friend of hers commented that they felt like the person that Kristina is describing doesn’t exist.  That there really aren’t people who will love us “even though” we have all these flaws, these insecurities, these issues and even though we have kids.  But Kristina is dead on right there are wonderful people out there.  They do exist and you should not settle.

I thought I could settle.  I tried settling.  Not once, but twice.  Heck there were even a few dates in there where I dodged the bullet with someone who I clearly would have been settling for.  It took the last disastrous relationship for me to realize that I was better off doing it alone than to settle.  It took the last relationship for me to say, “screw this, I’m being me and they can like it or leave it.” And I went on that next date and met Tim.  

I was a lot like Kristina; I can relate so much to what she was saying.  I think third date I started with the “I just took a shower and don’t have the mental energy to do my hair and makeup again today” look.  He got me in my “I don’t give a crap what I’m wearing” look by week 2.  He got thrust into a vocal/band performance on week one.  He got my messy divorce and bitter ex mixed up into our relationship by the third or fourth week.  He got my crazy ex thrown at him almost right away complete with the ex’s refusal to get his crap out of my house for weeks on end.  He saw how screwed up my past was, how messed up I currently was and still, he kept showing up.  I may not have had vomiting children, but I had two emotional teenage girls; that trumps simple puking any day of the week.  And he still kept hanging around.  

Not only did he hang around, he was there for me and my girls.  He immediately stepped up to be a father figure in their lives, even though he admittedly was not looking for a relationship with someone who already had kids.  Well, we sure changed his mind on that one.  Not only is he a father figure, he has stepped up to be the dad my girls needed in every way he possibly could.  If I could have written down all the characteristics for the ideal father for my girls, sent them off to the “Best Dad Co.”, and then had him made for me in a factory; the company would have boxed up and shipped out Tim.  He is just what they needed.  And just what I needed.

My friend and I joke all the time about Tim being a unicorn.  He is unbelievably perfect for me.  But guess what, your unicorn is out there too.  Do not settle.  Do not settle for more years of “close enough”, “even though”, “he’s trying” or “I want too much”.  As Kristina says, “as moms/parents, we don’t get to settle”.  You need to ask more of what you want for you and for your children.  I sleep so much better each night knowing that my relationship with Tim sets an example for what I want for both of my girls.  

On a lighter note, you need to check out all of Truth Bomb Mom (Kristian Kuzmic)’s videos.  She has great advice on being a mom.  Another one of my favorites… “mean mom”.  

Truth Bomb Mom "Mean Mom"

Wait for it... wait for it....

Wait for it… wait for it… oh yes - there it is.  This was literally me the day the news blew up about Matt Lauer being fired for inappropriate sexual behavior.  I was ready for it to show up on my newsfeed and then there it was.

“So when will a powerful woman be fired or questioned about sexual misconduct?”  and “Poor men can’t say anything any more for risk of being in trouble for sexual harassment.”  

I’d love to say I wasn’t disappointed.  And I guess in a way I wasn’t.  I completely expected this exact response and in that way, I wasn’t disappointed.  But in another way, I was hugely and vastly disappointed.  In the, “Are you effing kidding me, America?” kind of disappointment.  

I cannot believe that here we are in 2017 and our reaction to finding out that a man in power exposed his penis to women who did NOT want to see it, made inappropriate jokes and had various other sexually inappropriate interactions at work is to BLAME THE WOMEN.  Are you really for real?  If I never hear again “well, what did she do?” it will be too soon.  

I do not care what the women in his work place did.  I do not care if they came to work dressed as strippers every day, hell I don’t care if they showed up naked.  That’s right I expect that women could walk around stark ass naked and not be afraid of being raped or sexually harassed.  I do not care if they laughed at his jokes when he said them.  I do not care if he “always seemed like a nice guy” on TV before.  What he did is not okay.  

Do not tell me, “a guy can’t say anything anymore”.  First of all, I wish.  I freaking wish a guy couldn’t be inappropriate anymore!  But let’s be honest.  If by “a guy can’t say anything”, you mean, “a guy can’t even make sexist jokes anymore”.  Then I say, “hallelujah”.  If you mean, “a guy can’t even hit on a woman anymore”.  Great!  If you mean, “a guy can’t even talk about what he’d like to do to a woman’s body when he gets her alone anymore” I say, “it’s about damn time”!  You want to know what a guy can do where women are concerned, let me make it super easy for you.

If a male is interested in a female here is how you proceed.  You talk to that person, in person by the way, and ask them, “I was wondering if you would like to go out to dinner with me or possibly catch a movie?” (Feel free to insert any other polite evening/afternoon type activity in here.  Netflix and “chill” not included.)  Then wait for the woman’s response.  If she says, “Sure, that sounds great”, then ask for her contact information.  If she says no, say something along the lines of, “oh okay, thanks anyway” or something else you would say when someone turns you down politely.  Later, leave the workplace and go out on said date, expecting nothing more than a fun evening and conversation in return.  If you had a good time, either of you could ask out the other again.  Or not.  It’s really okay either way. Seems simple enough, why is it so confusing?  

Maybe I should make it even more simple:

1. It is not okay to joke about a person’s body at work, especially any body part in reference to how you would like to touch it or play with it or what you would do to it.  
2. It is not okay to expect sex because you pay for dinner.
3. It is not okay to make jokes about women as strippers, prostitutes, dumb blonds, in the kitchen, easy, etc…  If you wouldn’t want someone to say it about your mom, your sister or your grandma, it isn’t funny.
4. If a woman says “no”, it means no.  No does not mean, “keep trying I may change my mind” or “I’m playing hard to get” or “ask me repeatedly until I change my mind”.  No means no.  
5. If a woman starts out saying yes and then changes her answer to no, it means no.  See #4 if you’re still confused.
6. Workplace sex is not okay.  This isn’t an episode of Grey’s Anatomy.   Exposing yourself to a woman at work is not okay.  Having a quickie in the lounge or the elevator is not okay.  Work is for work.  Ask the woman out on a date if you’re both interested in each other that way and then LEAVE THE WORKPLACE.
7. Respect personal space.  There is no such thing as “accidentally” brushing up against someone.  If you are within an arm’s reach, you are too close.  Especially if your job does not require you to work in such close quarters.  

And to all of you saying, “Why are all of these allegations coming out now?”  I ask, “why not?”  Who are you to judge what finally gave these women the courage to speak out, fully knowing that they would have their lives, their behavior, their dress scrutinized to the utmost degree.  Knowing that they would have everyone wondering what THEY did wrong.  Knowing that a vast majority of people would not believe them and they would be called liars.  I’m so proud of these women for speaking up.  I like to think I would be that brave, but I fear I am not.  

As far as, those questioning when will the women who harass men going to be charged or fired I say, I would hope that any man who is being harassed comes forward.  I hope that any man, woman or child who feels unsafe will someday feel that they can come forward and seek protection.  I hope that no one’s status, wealth or rank will allow them to harass those they consider “beneath” them and get away with it.  And I dream that someday I will live in a country where sexual harassment becomes a dark period in history that we talk about, glad it is behind us.  

There is hope for a better future.  My husband said it best the other morning when I was lamenting about these types of behavior. See my response wasn’t “how dare some woman come forward and poor Matt Lauer.”  My response was, “Again.  Seriously!  When are men going to get it?  When is it going to stop?  Why can the human brain not learn self control?”  His response was, “well, hopefully we are making a change for the better.  Hopefully this is the start of the change.”  I’m with you honey.  Hopefully we stop questioning the victims and start saying, “no more” but for now I’m saying “I support victims of sexual harassment.”  Period.  

Horse Movies - Bah Humbug

We love horse movies at our house.  I know you’re shocked.  To use one of my most used and well worn Disney quotations, “Why don’t I have a heart attack and die from NOT surprise?” But you might be surprised to hear that we don’t love ALL horse movies.  In fact some of them down right drive me crazy.  

This topic came up on a Facebook group I am a member of that is made up of a bunch of horse crazy women from all over the globe.  Someone happened to bring up and mention how the cartoon, “Spirit Riding Free” drove her crazy.  Mostly because the animations were so wrong - including where they showed the saddle going on the horse and other tack issues.  Now, being as my kids are all quite a bit older than the targeted audience of this cartoon, I have not seen it.  So I googled images and I’ll be honest that it wasn’t easy to find one that showed these tack issues she spoke of.  And then I saw this one.  First of all, Spirit does NOT have a big old white blaze.  

So from what I can tell, there are no girths whatsoever on those saddles.  That means they are staying on with what?  Spit?  Super glue?  A prayer?  I need more than that for my saddle.  Oh wait - on second glance I do see a girth on the palomino (horse on the left), way back there by the flank.  You know, where they put the bucking strap on broncs…. Oh well - there are far too many animated children anyway, we can kill off a few by attaching the girth at the back of the saddle, and therefore the horse.  Or hey - maybe we can kill off some ACTUAL kids if they go out and saddle their pony like that.  That never happens you say?  Umm.. I had a picture saved for ages that a person had posted in a sale ad with the bridle literally on backwards.  Brow band as a throat latch, bit upside down backwards.  It happens in real life.  

In good news - none of these horses apparently needs a bit so they are pretty broke.  They have on full headstalls, with nosebands, even the western horses (who would virtually never have a noseband) but no bits.  In fact, I’m not sure what kind of bridles these even are, there are no browbands. More like a halter with reins attached I guess?  Interesting.  

What other horse movies upset us?  Well War Horse for one.  The part where he trains the big old warmblood to do everything he wants it to by offering it oats.  Yeah, that’s SUPER realistic (she says with a heavy dose of sarcasm).  Or my other favorite scene, where he is trying to get Joey to plow the rocky field and gets in front of him, looks him in the eye and says, “Do it for me, Joey!”  Joey then digs in and plows the field for him.  I’ve tried this training tactic.  It doesn’t work.  China just looked at me and sneezed, then proceeded to go back to being a snot.  

Or how about Flicka.  Excellent book.  Not half bad original film back in the ‘40’s.  The remake a few years ago; God Damn Awful.  Right down to the girl (not the boy main character it should have been) training the shiny black mustang to ride with just apples and love.  Do you know what apples and love get you when training a wild mustang?  Dead.  They get you dead.  

Want to know something else that really bugs me about horse movies?  Bad stand ins.  I get that they can’t use the same horse for the entire movie.  But the same breed of horse would be nice.  Same color maybe?  I remember a horse movie about a jumper.  It was a gray.  A very white gray for all the jumping scenes and a very gray gray for about everything else.  Complete with a darker mane and tail.  I mean c’mon.  They sell spray paint for horses.  The very least you could do it darken up the darn jumper.

And why is the theme of every horse movie almost exactly the same?  Doesn't stop us from watching them.  Like Libby says, "I know that the girl is going to have major daddy issues and take some unbroke, wild horse and end the movie with winning some form of competition and resolving her daddy issues to make them one big happy family.  I'm still gonna watch it."  Yep.  Nailed about every horse movie on the head, right there.  Even Dreamer, and that's one horse movie I actually liked. 

There are a lot of movies that we love though too.  Some of them what you would call the traditional blockbusters.  I don’t think I can ever watch Secretariat enough.  I don’t know how many times I’ve watched the scene from the Belmont where he pulls away from Sham, the actual footage on youtube or the movie footage, I still get goosebumps.  And then there is the overdramatized, but still excellent story of Seabiscuit.  Who doesn’t love a little guy beats Goliath story?  Love that little horse and I love how close it is to the very good book.  

There are others of course that we love but I won’t even begin to bore you all with a personal review of each.  Even the ones that have scenes that drive me crazy still have shiny pretty horses.  So I guess a bad horse movie is still a pretty darn good movie in our book. 

PS - I googled "horse movie meme" and got this.  I'm not even disappointed.

Colt starting reflections

It is never stops surprising me how completely different every colt is that we work with. For the sake of ease of discussion here, I’m going to refer to every young horse that is learning how to be ridden as a colt.  I do fully understand that there are colts and fillies and colts are male and fillies are female, but a trainer that I learned from a while back referred to them all as colts and it just stuck in my brain and never left.  

Training colts is one of the highlights of my life.  Not that I’m not completely scared sometimes.  Scared of getting hurt but more so, scared of failing the colt and messing them up somehow.  I hope that’s a natural fear. I like to think that the day I think I know exactly what I’m doing and stop worrying that I may be doing it wrong is the day that I stop helping horses.  Because that fear is what keeps me researching, reading, watching videos and trying to get better at it.  It’s what keeps me gentle and quiet, yet firm and demanding of respect.  It’s what makes every step forward such a rush.  

Kenya made great strides today.  It’s kind of interesting to reflect back on our projects this past year.  China was super easy, the kind that makes you think you’re really good at training colts, but really the colt is just that good.  I thought Hope would be so difficult because she just really really didn’t trust human beings.  But she was actually quite easy as well.  There wasn’t a buck in her either and boy was she smart.  All the scary stuff I tried to scare her with; bags, strings, hula hoops, tarps, you name it, were not at all scary.  Kuzco was like China, nothing phased him but he was more on the pushy make me side.  And now Kenya.  

Kenya is definitely more on the scared side but she tries so hard.  She also tries really hard at something else; getting the saddle OFF.  New saddle today, with a back cinch, so that meant we had to give our best effort to try to get rid of the new beast.  Boy is she athletic.  Here’s hoping that she figures out that saddle isn’t going anywhere and gives up the bucking sooner rather than later, like when I’m on her.  But she gave it her best and gave up.  And then we were on to newer and bigger challenges.  Today was the first day of ground driving day and she flew through that with flying colors.  We ended with some flexing and some desensitizing to cool down.  I couldn’t be more proud of her and more excited for the next day I get to work with her.

We overheard someone once making a snide comment about our young horses and how we buy and sell.  This is true.  I’ve shown for 3 years now and had a different horse each year.  This past year I didn’t make it through the season with the young horse I had before we found him a new home.  I understand there is a thrill with taking a trained horse to perfection.  I do get that.  And I sure appreciate every time I’ve had a good broke horse or pony to ride.  We do have Peach, she’s a good broke pony that needs finishing and we look forward to taking her to the next level.  But it is tough to beat the rush from the first ride.  The first time they back softly.  The first time they move their shoulder over.  The first lope off, without bucking hopefully.  And when you see one of your colt with their new owner rocking the world, well - that makes all those crazy first rides.  All those bumps, bruises and wild moments worth it.  

So yes - we love starting the colts.  And each one is so very different and there are always stories to tell.  Can’t wait for the next day and the next chance to teach something new and probably learn a little something myself in the process.  

Guarded girls and the men who love them

I’m so over the moon excited for one of my very good friends.  This past weekend her significant other surprised her with a ring and a proposal!  She’s engaged and I’m so happy for her.  She deserves every little bit of happiness and joy after her previous nightmare with a narcissistic cheater.  We have shared many stories back and forth about how we struggled, but also how we have overcome.  So one of the things I shared with her yesterday was this meme with a quote about gaining the love of a guarded girl.  

It might seem like a weird thing to share with someone on this very happy occasion, but I wanted her to know that for those who have been in an abusive relationship like she has, getting engaged is more than just moving on to a big step in life and being with the one you love forever.  It is moving past more than moving on.  It is being able to put all those fears and worries aside and open your heart again.  It’s like climbing the Mount Everest of relationships and she has conquered the peak!  I am so happy and so proud of her.  

For a guarded girl, saying that they need someone is a Herculean effort.  They can open their hearts again to love, but there have been so many walls built up against needing someone that it has become a bad 4 letter word.  I joke that I should wear that sign that Sandra Bullock wears in the movie 28 Days.  

I struggle with asking for help.  I know Tim gets frustrated.  He will often ask me what he can do to help and my response is almost always the same, “nothing, I’m good.”  I remember flat out telling myself years ago that I was on my own and if I wanted something done I better figure it out myself.  Prime example was our fence lines and weeds.  I would ask my ex to use his “$1,000” weedeater (we always had the best tools money could buy) to trim fence lines.  It wouldn’t get done and wouldn’t get done and pretty soon the electric fence wasn’t so electric anymore.  So since I wasn’t allowed to use the weedeater I took matters into my own hands.  I had this antique scythe that I used to clean fencelines.  

It was old, rusty and very dull.  But it kind of worked.  The point is, I learned to do things myself.  And I took great pride it taking care of myself and not needing anyone.  

As the years went on, I became not only proud of my independence, but protective of it.  Failed relationships made me defensive.  No one needed me so I made darn sure I didn’t need anyone.  I was like the toddler that stops their foot, “I can do it myself.”  And I set out to show the world that I could.  

I’m still struggling with this battle day after day.  Tim is simply wonderful.  (I know you’re sick of hearing that and are pretty sure he is a unicorn that farts rainbows.  Let me be honest, his farts are not rainbows…but he truly has been beyond patient.)  Tim tells me that he needs me, which as any guarded girl will tell you, is like a magic remedy.  He also is persistent with asking how he can help.  And he doesn’t really take no for an answer.  Which is kind of annoying in a “I need to hear it and love him for it” kind of way.  

So for all you guarded girls, keep trying to let others in. Open your heart and take a risk.  You can’t experience the joy if you don’t take that leap.  And for all of you in love with us, please just keep asking.  We do appreciate it and when we do say, “sure” or give you some task we wouldn’t mind help with, know that we are stepping out of our comfort zone and doing the best we can.  Be patient with us.  We will love you all the more for it.  

It's all about balance

Working in food service is all about balance.  I’m sure this analogy could be shared with any job.  There are always going to be times when you have everything going right and times when nothing seems to go the way it is supposed to.  I am sure in some careers it is as lightning fast of a change as it is in serving.  Heck - sometimes those changes, those differences, are happening at exactly the same time.  It’s all about balance.  

As a server, you’ll have those moments where you have a table of 12 come in and they are regular visitors.  You remember that the little boy likes cottage cheese with his fish, that little boy likes the “green root beer” (aka mountain dew), the grandpa likes his tossed salad without onions and french dressing and the grandma also doesn’t want onions but prefers thousand island.  And oh, everyone is so impressed and they leave you a 20% tip and then some.  

That same shift you can wait on another table of 12 with multiple kids, split tickets, added desserts, extra condiments and for their $116.00 tab they leave you $6.  Same service, same “sunny personality”, and some people just don’t get it.  It’s all about balance.  

There are times that the restaurant can be slammed and a table asks you for 4 different kinds of pie, some with ice cream, some without and all while you’re on the go without writing it down.  And miracles - you remember and hand them to the correct person.

That same shift, a table of two can ask for extra ranch and 5 hours later as you’re showering the stench of fries and grease off under a hot torrent of water you remember that you forgot to bring them their ranch.  It’s all about balance.

There are times when you literally write a novel for someone’s special order: “I’d like a Drew burger, but leave off the cayenne pepper, put the BBQ sauce on the side, make the bacon crispy, change the cheese to pepperjack, on a gluten free bun and shredded lettuce instead of leaf lettuce” and the cook gets everything done to perfection.  

The next order, they forget to put the garnish of pickles on the side and your customer loses their mind.  

There are times when a table of 2 comes in and chooses to sit at the 6 top next to the window and you think to yourself “maybe they are expecting someone else” and give them the benefit of the doubt.  Thinking this you may go to the table and politely ask them if they are expecting others.  When they respond in the negative you debate whether it is going to be busy enough to ask them to move to a smaller table.  Sometimes you play the game and let them sit there and it works out just fine.  

Other times the door dings for the next 3 tables of 6, 8 and 10 and suddenly you have no free large tables and a bunch of pissed off customers sitting at multiple booths.  It’s all about balance.

I love the people who politely ask if it isn’t too much work for you to make a malt.  (Note to self - it is always too much of a giant PITA to make a malt and former/current employees get what I’m saying.)  Of course you always respond not at all and of course sometimes it really isn’t a huge time concern. So you make it extra pretty, with lots of chocolate or caramel or strawberry sauce, loads of whipped cream and a cherry on top.

However, it never fails that on the days you are busier than hell is the day that you get three malts of three different flavors for the one malt machine.  This is also the time when you explain to the people that you’d be glad to, but there will be a wait as it is a time consuming process and you get the death stare, the rolled eyes and the short change on the tip.  It’s all about balance.  

On the days that you could really use the money and are feeling great, the door never opens and it is like the old western ghost town, complete with blowing tumbleweeds and whistling theme songs.  

On the days that you go to work with “achilles tendonitis” (which is apparently just what they tell you that you have when they can’t figure out why your achilles hurts and they just want you to “rest” it), or your boss tells you “it probably won’t be busy”, are the days that you are guaranteed to get a 12 top, 10 top, 6 top, 5 top and basically run, or hobble, your little butt off for most of the night.  It’s all about balance, and Murphy’s Law.

There are shifts where a customer finds your service unsatisfactory and chews you out in front of everyone.  The public humiliation reduces you to tears and you barely make it back to the kitchen before breaking down.  

There are other shifts where a customer finds your service unsatisfactory and chews your butt out in front of everyone and you go back to the kitchen and explain the situation to your favorite cook using the f word as a filler every other word before uttering a curse upon them, their progeny and all who dare to love them. It’s about balance (and finding healthy ways to not spit in their food.)

There are days when you get to eat your delicious hot lunch complete with crispy appetizers and a slice of your favorite pie for dessert.

But let’s be real, most shifts you’re grabbing pickles off the garnish tray, spilled fries off the line counter or a piece of cold “mistake” pizza as you try to run out the door at the end of your shift.  That’s balance for you.  

I really could go on for pages upon pages here.  I truly believe that if everyone had to work in food service for just a week, the world would be a much kinder place.  But that isn’t happening so until then, I’m going to keep counting on cosmic balance to even things out.

Must be nice...

“Must be nice” - my new least favorite phrase.  Okay, I’m lying - I still hate whatever.  But “must be nice” is a close close second.  You know what I’m talking about.  You comment that your pants are too big and someone responds “Must be nice!  I have the hardest time losing weight.”  We’ve all probably said it, “must be nice”.  If you haven’t you probably have thought it.  But what we forget is that, we don’t know the whole story.  For example, my inner response to that statement used to be,  “You’re right, it is “nice”.  What isn’t nice is that my anxiety is so bad that I’m not able to eat.  My stomach is literally upset all the time.  My anxiety is bad because I’m in an abusive relationship.  So yeah, it’s “nice” that I’ve been losing weight.”  I wish I could say that was a hypothetical situation.  But I lived it.  I also lived the “divorce diet” in which my anxiety and depression caused me to lose a dramatic amount of weight.  I may weigh a few more pounds now, but I will take happiness over skinny any day.  But I wish people knew that sometimes being thin isn’t all that “nice”.  

I still get the “must be nice” comment sometimes about my weight.  It takes every bit of self control for me not to answer, “It is nice that I’m doing okay fitness wise.  That’s because I get up at 4:15 almost every day to work out.  I do work out every single day, sometimes missing family time or supper.  And I work out, as in,  I sweat, push my heart rate to over 150, feel like I’m going to die kind of work out.  I also have to pass up that piece of cake, that candy bar, that extra helping of mashed potatoes.  While the family has extra meat, potatoes, fish, you name it - I take an extra helping of veggies or have a fruit smoothie.  So yeah, it’s nice and a whole lot of work too.”  Especially since I’m not happy with my weight or my fitness level.  I’m working on it being nice.  

Another one I get is when Tim sends me flowers and a co worker says “Must be nice!  I never get flowers.”  It is nice.  It is better than nice, it is freaking amazing.  Mostly because it tells me that he’s thinking of me and cares about me.  You know what wasn’t nice?  The years of emotional, verbal and various other forms abuse in virtually every other relationship I’ve been in.  I guess I figure I’m “due” to have found a good guy.  I wouldn’t wish what I went through on anyone and I certainly wouldn’t begrudge anyone who has been lucky enough to find someone who treats them right, amazing even.  I don’t need to get flowers to know that Tim loves me and is thinking of me - he shows me in a million ways.  So yes, it is “nice” to get them.  

Oh and another favorite, “Must be nice to have kids who get straight A’s.”  Well, I sure can’t take any credit for that, other than I’m sure they get their brains from me.  But we do make education a priority in our house.  Books before anything else and that makes us a little unpopular sometimes.  My kids don’t like being told there will be no phone, no sports, no friend outings, no horses if they don’t get their grades up and/or keep them up.  I’m not asking them to get straight A’s.  I’m expecting them to do their best.  And if the other distractions are preventing that, then I guess we know what goes first.  So yeah, sometimes it isn’t so nice when my teenage girls are so angry with me they storm off, throw things around, slam doors and/or yell at me.  It also isn’t so nice when my perfectionist daughters fall short of their goals and dissolve into tears and hysterics.  That’s really “nice” to have to help with.  But yeah, it is nice that my kids get good grades.  Not always a whole lot of kicks and giggles, but nice.  

I think what is hard is that people are jealous of others without realizing what is going on behind the scenes.  And social media plays a huge part in that.  I think the majority of people put their best foot forward on social media so that leads others to try to measure up or think that everyone has it better than they do.  I can’t say enough that we don’t know.  We don’t know or understand what is going on in someone’s personal life, their history, their heart or their mind.  We are all fighting our own personal battles.  We need to stop judging and start celebrating.  Instead of “it must be nice” let’s try being happy for those that have a moment of positivity in the struggle.  Let’s be happy for them and celebrate our own joys instead of focusing on who may or may not have it nicer.  

I’m just as guilty as the next guy - I’m not going to post the negative stuff on Facebook.  I’m going to post the positive.  I have made a concentrated effort to keep my Facebook as upbeat as possible.  So yes, I’m going to post pictures of my kids getting along, a happy/clean house, my dog being adorable, the horses behaving, and me being happy and healthy.  The reality of our household is that the kids fight, the parents get frustrated, the house gets messy, the dog has accidents, the horses can be jerks, and sometimes I feel like death warmed over.  Our house isn’t any better or different than your house.  

So yeah, it must be nice sometimes, but a lot of times it must suck.  Such is the roller coaster of life.  

https://fielekefrontporch.com/2015/03/17/im-not-a-liar-but-facebook-sure-is/