Guilty for loving 2016

These days I'm feeling guilty.  Everyone is posting how they can't wait for 2016 to be over and it's been the year from hell, etc...  and I can understand.  My very best and closest friend had a year I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.  Other friends have struggled with cancer and disease, horrific losses, and a seemingly uphill battle against financial despair and crisis after crisis.  And I feel guilty for sitting over here thinking that 2016 has been the best year of my life.  There have been downs, struggles and everything hasn't been roses- but the struggles have also taught me that I'm stronger than I think, luckier than I ever knew and loved more than I thought possible. So... if you can't stand to hear how awesome it is.. stop listening.  Because I'm going out of 2016 feeling joyous and thankful. 

The year started with me finding my inner strength and freeing myself from a cheating and emotionally crushing relationship with a, for lack of appropriate words for a family blog, not very nice guy.  I could choose to say "poor me", but I'm going with 'lucky me' because I FINALY realized my worth and that I deserved better. And I got free.  And I found out who my true friends are and those who are always there for me no matter what.  

I reconnected with friends and made time to do the things I loved and rebuilt the social life I had lost.

I had a great year of waitressing at the Village- only forgot people's ranch and ice free water a few times and made a few extra bucks.  All with a side of a ton of laughs and some pretty amazing pie, fries and pizza. 

I rode some amazing horses and checked off some bucket list items like; winning a class, qualifying for Champ Show and placing at SEMSCA year end and winning a chair! 

I got China started all by myself AND she far surpassed anything I expected out of her.

Tim bought me my very own Barbie dream horse complete with glowing white mane and tail.  Bonus- he's going to be an amazing western pleasure horse.  

My girls continue to amaze me and are getting so grown up and so mature.  My heart overflows with how proud I am of them.

I sent an amazing group of sixth grade students on to the high school and am so very proud of the tenacity and hard work with my new group! My job makes me smile every single day.  I may never be rich at the bank, but I will always be rich with memories, laughter and proud of my kiddos.

I moved to a beautiful new house in a beautiful city with amazing people.  

I have two fantastic new bonus kids whom I couldn't be more proud of and astounded by every day.

And last, but most important and the driving force behind most of this happiness, I met Tim.  Who I know I have most of my friends convinced he is either a unicorn or some other mythical creature or an alien as no man can be this perfect.  I finally have a man who not only supports me in my faith but actually pushes me to be a better Christian and stronger as a person.  He has taught me that I can face anything but I don't have to face things alone.  He helps me to be more patient, more understanding and kind.  He helps me to feel more proud of myself and like I deserve all the amazing things he has done for the girls and I.  And he gives me enough shit and teases me enough to keep it all fun.   

So no matter the crap that 2016 has tried to throw at me, no matter the struggles, I'm still pretty excited about how my year went and pretty pumped for 2017.  

Living with a clean freak

It isn't easy living with me.  I definitely get that.  I'm a bit of a neat freak.  And it shows no signs of getting better.  In fact, it may be getting worse.  I used to just hate clutter and stuff laying around. It's grown to a love for the smell of bleach, 409 and hating of all things dirty, dusty and sticky.

Probably a few things led to the "growth" or change.  I know that my mom had lost faith that it would ever happen.  I wasn't the cleanest kid.  Even as an adult, I had things I could work on.  But as time has gone on, I've learned that doing chores quickly (like laundry and dishes) rather than letting it sit around and accumulate actually helps bring order to my day and pass the time more quickly.  Of course living with a sociopath who screamed if you put a dish in the sink instead of the dishwasher was a motivator too.  It has gotten to where I have a hard time starting the day if the laundry isn't folded and the dishwasher emptied and put away.

Turns out that I'm not just crazy!  There are actually legitimate reasons for doing the crazy things I need to do to keep my world in order.  And it's more than discovering that if you do one load of folding at a time you don't have to spend an entire Saturday folding and putting away 7 loads of laundry at a time.

I mean some things are obvious and my own personal reasons:
1. There is nothing more embarrassing than friends stopping over and having to clear a spot at the table or hide dirty socks and underwear.

2. The obvious sickness factor; germs, dust, dirty plates and food sitting out.  I'm not a big fan of bugs.  Even the microscopic kind.  And an even less of a fan of those other critters draw in by food and messes.  The four legged kind.

3. I'm forgetful and lose enough shit without having my house and life be a mess.  I can't imagine if I didn't have a place for everything.  As it is, it's almost daily that I have the keys to some vehicle that someone else wants.  At least I know I can tell them it is in my pocket.  Just good luck figuring out which coat or sweatshirt I wore last.

4. We have a lot of stuff.  And a lot of people.  Organization is not just for peace of mind, it's a life saver.

5.  Did I mention how much it bothers me if someone stops by and the house is a mess?

6.  If you take care of things, they last longer.  Who knew?

7.  There is enough drama in this house with "she took my"... only to find out we had our things all along and just couldn't find them.  I can't imagine if we added mess, clutter and leaving your stuff wherever you want to,  to the mix.

8.  I'm not sure if I've said this yet, but I sure wouldn't want to have to hold the door shut on my friends and family when they stop by because I'm embarrassed about the condition of the house.

One of the kids commented the other day how weird it is that I like to clean house.  I think she has the wrong impression of me.  I don't love to clean house, I love a clean house.  Big difference.  Unfortunately you don't get one without the other.   I don't wake up in the morning and go, "I can't wait to dust!"  But when the house is freshly dusted and smelling of lemon pledge, that's what I love.

Reasons to Make Your Bed

More Reasons and Bed Making Tips

Why to keep the house clean?

Website that proves I'm not crazy

New Year's Resolutions

It’s almost that time of year.  Hard to believe it has rolled around so fast again.  Wow.  I’m awesome at setting resolutions.  Not always so good at following through with them.  And I don’t even set ones I know I could never do like “eat less junk food/sweets” or “give up soda”.  Two years ago, apparently I was wise enough NOT to set resolutions in 2016, I had three resolutions: update the blog more, train for another half, and read for myself more.  Hmmm.. the blog fell off the face of the planet for a while, I haven’t run a half in a while but I do try to read every single day.  But it’s not really “for myself” as I read, almost exclusively, teen fiction to share with my students.  But I do enjoy those books so I’m not complaining.  

One thing I do want to do in our household this year is an idea I got from Pinterest.  You take an empty jar and put notepaper and a pencil next to it.  Every time something good happens, even a little something, you put it on a piece of paper and put it in the jar.  And then next New Year’s Eve we can pull out our happy moments and reflect on all the good in the year.  I’m super excited about this idea and can’t wait to start it.  

What resolutions can I make that I may be able to carry through on… hmm….  I resolve to worry less.  Yeah, that’s not going to work. I worry about how much I worry.  Something more realistic.  Like maybe, I resolve to get up each morning. I can do that.  Okay.   Serious now… I think I have to turn to my ever popular Pinterest for ideas on New Year’s resolutions.

Okay #1 - Learn something cool in my spare time.  I could do this.  What is something cool that I can learn to do?  Ideas?  Suggestions?

#2 - Create a gratitude journal.  Well, I tried that once.  I was about as good at keeping up with that as I was blogging.  But I do keep a journal and I do try to find positive things to write about as much as possible so I’m checking this one off as done.

#3 - Go to sleep at the same time every night and get up at the same time every morning.  Sorry..wait..can’t breathe..laughing so hard… yeah, that one is not going to happen.  

#4 - Stretch of a morning?  What does that even mean?  Do they mean stretch every morning?  Yeah - being a realist I’m going to say that one probably won’t happen either.  I could set a goal to stretch out after working out in the mornings but that would require me to not hit snooze so that I would have time to stretch after working out.  

#5 - Break a bad habit.  But I don’t have any… at least not any I am willing to break.

#6 - Set aside 30 minutes to write.  Oh goodness.  Well, I already write a lot.  Like a lot.  So yeah.  Done.  

#7 - Put away $50 or 10% of your paycheck every WEEK.  Oh dear.  That would be an excellent resolution, not realistic for us, but excellent.

#8 - Stop buying coffee every day.  Check.  Done.  (Gross)

#9 - Stop drinking caffeine and fizzy drinks.  Hold the phone.  Slow down.  Wait a damn minute.  Cut back, maybe.  But “stop”.  Let’s not get crazy here.

#10 - Go Vegan/Vegetarian.  This thing is getting ridiculous.  I’ll give up meat when animals go extinct.

#11 - Literally stop drinking alcohol.  I’m about done with this crazy list.  How did we go from resolutions to flat out nonsense?

#12 - Meet new people.  I’ve met so many new people this year.  Most of them related to Tim.  The others are all DE families.  Speaking of which.  I’m so not used to big schools.  Sophie was out for volleyball.  She had a dozen or so team members.  I learned ALL of their names, even some of their parents.  And then basketball season started.  Do you know how many are out for basketball out of the dozen or so girls?  Not a one.  I am struggling to learn new girls.  And there are girls with the same name but they aren’t the same!  Like an Emily for volleyball and a new Emily for basketball.  Wait, make that TWO new Emily’s for basketball.  It’s all so confusing.  And Sophie will ask to go to someone’s house and I won’t have a clue who she is talking about.  It’s like a foreign language.  Thank goodness that I have Tim as my interpreter or Sophie would never go anywhere. So yeah, I’m gonna go with “check” on that one.

#13 - Start a little Etsy homemade shop.  Totally giggling here.  What could I make?  Besides jokes that no one laughs at?  I like to color in adult coloring books.  Anyone want to buy a used up coloring sheet?  Gonna have to skip this one too.

#14 - Watch less TV.  Supposedly the average American watches over 5 hours of TV a day.  Seriously people?  How the hell is that possible?  Last night I asked Tim if the Voice was on.  We had watched a couple of shows when they were choosing their teams “the other day”.  He informed me the season was over. Yeah.  How does that happen?  Or more accurately, how does one have time to watch 5 hours of TV a day.  I might get 45 minutes of Netflix in on the treadmill/elliptical.  That’s my TV time.  So… check.

#15 - Clean the clutter in your house.  Umm.. weekly trips to donate at Goodwill and a person who is a complete neat freak.  I’m going to go with check and mate on that one.  

#16 - Stop being late to everything.  Who’s late?  Me?  Not on your life.  Unless my kids make me.  Is there a resolution for not screaming at your kids for making you late?  That one I can get behind.

#17 - Face a fear.  Hell to the no.  I faced a fear in 2015.  I faced my fear of guns by learning to shoot one and got my permit to carry.  What’s left?  Snakes, bats, spiders, mice, heights and water.  Yep.  Those aren’t made to be faced or beaten.  I’m okay with those.  I can live with those.

#18 - Up your relationship game.  I’m not exactly sure what this one means.  Hey - I met a guy, got engaged and moved in with him in 2016.  I think my relationship game is strong.  But I could always work on letting him know how much I appreciate him and love him, so this one is something I can do.  

#19 - Drink 2 - 3 litres of water a day.  This is where I admit I struggle with the damn metric system.  But being as I’ve had kidney stones in the past my daily goal for water intake is a gallon a day.  I think I can say check on this one?  

#20 - Save up for Christmas before Christmas time.  I like this goal.  It ranks right up there with buy presents early.  Except I always lose the damn gifts in a great hiding spot and well, saving $200 a month from resolution #7? Let’s not get greedy.

#21 - Do an experience once a month.  I don’t even know what this means.  What’s an experience?  Taking the kids to a movie can be a damn experience.  Trying to get 4 teenagers out the door anywhere is a freaking experience.  Teaching sixth grade is not only an experience but a challenge.  I experience a lot of stuff daily.  Does that count?  

#22 - Do one of those 30 day challenges.  Is there one about eating a new kind of chocolate every day?  Or taste testing wine?  Oh I know!   A sleeping in challenge.  I like this idea!

#23 - Watch the sugar movie and go totally sugar free.  First my Dt. Mountain Dew, then meat, next you tried alcohol and now SUGAR.  Stop the insanity!  

#24 - Stop ordering takeout.  Yep.  Officially done with this list of suggestions.  

Well - Pinterest has failed to motivate me with good ideas for New Year’s resolutions.  So here are my vague but hopeful goals for 2016:

I hope to be able to find the positive in even the worst moments.  I want to build my strength in looking for the good in others and forgiving those who don’t ask or feel they need to be forgiven.  I want to continue to grow in my faith and pray daily.  I want to stop judging others and encourage my kids not to judge and jump to conclusions, but to look for all possible solutions and remind ourselves that we only have to love our fellow human beings.  I hope to continue on a journey to be healthy and physically stronger.  I hope to love others as they deserve to be loved and spread that love and joy in all I do.  I want to build patience, spend more time doing the things I love with the people I love and try to trust in God’s plan more.

Horses we loved before

Today I'm wearing a little piece of Levi close to my heart.  I don't wear this locket very often because when I do, I get all nostalgic about Levi, what a great pony he was and what a loss he was to our whole family.  Lots of people probably barely remember Levi.  We didn't even have him a whole year.  And those that do remember him are reminded that he wasn't perfect. I remember one showmanship class where I wanted to beat him myself for not standing still for Sophie. Levi came to us with needing an attitude adjustment.  It literally took one ride and he decided he would remember that he was broke.  From that point on he was a good boy.  He could be lazy at the lope- it wasn't always the prettiest, but he was honest as the day was long.  Even little Sophie got her leads with him every single time.  And walk/jog he was unbeatable.  Literally.  He and Sophie were undefeated that season.  He could move out so pretty in English and he was a solid trail pony too.  He just was a true blessing to our family.  We were offered plenty of money for him but he was meant to stay.  Until we lost him in that tragic accident.  I will never look at random rocks in the pasture the same.  Dang it - now I’m all sad.  Miss that lovable pony.  

Thinking about Levi usually leads me to think and remember the others that have graced our pastures for the past 10-11 years.  Our new family asked Libby and I how many horses we have had.  So we made a list.  Ummm…. it's a lot.

Precious: (AQHA)

Stormy: (asshole mini)
Shy: Shi Bar Doc (AQHA)
Taron: (AHA)
Goldie: (Shetland)
Little Star: (Shetland)
Romeo: (Pinto/Arab cross)
Chic: My Honey’s Dreamgirl (APHA)
Buddy/Trooper: (donkeys)
Lieba: Leave it to Lieba (Haflinger/POA/Random Amish pony cross)
Shadow: EZ Dreamin’ Shadow (Morgan type pony)
HP: O&E’s Little Hot Shot (mini)
MaryAnn: MaryAnn Double A (mini)
Momma: (mini)
Ariel: (mini)
Triton: (mini)
Delilah: (mini)
Sampson: (mini)
Thunder: (best mini ever)
Taz: Westwind Fantastic (POA)
Susie: Westwind Susannah (POA)

Licorice: Westwind Licorice (POA)
Sally: Sailin’ Susie (POA)
Dolly: Westwind Dollybar (POA)
Jenny: Westwind Jenny (POA)
Razzle: JE Chocolate Zipper (POA)
Kid: Oh Kid Oh (POA)
Cinch: (cutest mini ever)

Chevy: EZ For You to Say (POA)
Vegas: EZ On the Eyes (POA)
Gretchen: Dutch Diamond in the Rough (POA)
Pearl: JWW I Am a Bright Girl (POA)
Shadow: Cutie Shadow S (POA)
Cash: Dutch Majorly EZ (POA)
Bling: Dutch Suddenly EZ (POA)
Fancy: EZ On the Paparazzi (APHA)
Cutie: Dutch Major Cutie (POA)
Bibble: Diamonds Make it EZ (POA)
Cher: Dutch Rock N Roll (POA)
Meg: Indys Mega Millions (POA)
Noel:  CV’s Wish Upon a Star (POA)
Giggles: Shez No Kid (POA)
Chip: Nicks Chipped in Chocolate (POA)
Rye: Dutch Rhythm N Blues (POA)
Quincy: PVP Quick Impulse (POA)
Rex: Dutch Respect This Major (POA)
Rev: RT Review My Spots (AQHA)
Maverick: REI Zipped in Gold (APHA)
Buddy: It Ain’t EZ (POA)
Sammy: Suddenly Sammy (POA)
Itty Bitty: Westwind Super Dream (POA)
Bebe: Dutch Black Beauty (POA)
Ella: Ella Enchanted (POA)
Daisy: Skip A Pulse (POA)
Levi: Super Dream Pants (POA)

Cotton: One Night Stand (POA)
Zippy: Country Time Zippo (AQHA)
Oscar: And the Oscar Goes To (APHA)
Koda: Peridots Colonel Zip (APHA)
Donkey: (donkey)
Sassy: (mini)
Heiress: BEA Night Heiress (AHA)
Cooper: DLS Dudes Coop (POA)
Darla: Bonanza Skipper Darla (POA)
Luna:  Majorly Kidding (POA)
Gracie: (pony)
Chance: REI Cadburys Bonanza (APHA)

Saam: Suddenly All About Me (POA)

Ellie: Maid Ya A Dream (ApHC)

Ace: Gettin Shameless (AQHA)
China: Maid of Copper (ApHC)
Coupe: PS Hes Got the Goods (AQHA)
Kuzco: Jamaican Double Dutch (POA)

There are quite a few on that list that we still know where they are and get updates on them and their new families.  But there are a couple on the list I would love to hear about and miss.  If you know of a former horse/pony or own a former horse/pony of ours, don’t be afraid to check in and share how they are doing.  We love updates!  Share pics in the comments if you can.  

Merry Christmas!

Greetings Friends and Family!

Time for the annual Christmas letter.  I’m going to work Tim into this whole Christmas card/letter thing slowly, so no shenanigans this year.  Just a boring old letter.  But don’t you DARE put your letter down because our lives are so fascinating it is worth a read.  (OR just humor me and pretend we are cool.)

So… let’s see.  Well, nothing much happened this year for the girls and I.  I only met the man of my dreams, got engaged, moved to St Charles and the girls switched schools.  But hey - nothing major happened. (insert winky face here)  Quite honestly, 2016 has been a whirlwind and we have so much to talk about!

Tim and I started dating in March.  No, we did not meet on sixthgradeteachers.com, but yes, we are both sixth grade teachers.  And yes, we did meet online. Hey - maybe we should start a teachersonly.com.  Goodness knows only teachers are crazy enough to date other teachers.  Tim also refs basketball, football and volleyball.  I’m sure over the years I have seen him dozens of times and maybe even yelled at him or called him names.  Luckily I didn’t make enough of a butt of myself that he remembers me.  Whew!  However, even as his fiance I’m not afraid to point out when I think he’s not making the right call.  He always seems to have a reply though or a threat to kick me out of the game.  You’d think by now he would have learned that I view threats as a challenge.

The girls and I moved to St Charles to join Taylin, Carter and Tim towards the end of June.  It has been quite a change for everyone.  Tim, Taylin and Carter had to learn to live with a neat freak.  It isn’t easy living with me, especially for a trio of proud collectors.  But they accepted us with open arms, smiles and joy and we are one big, happy and slightly crazy family today.  It took many loads to Salvation Army and Goodwill, and by loads, I mean truck and trailer loads (not trunk full) but we managed to whittle down two households of stuff into one.  Hopefully we won’t be missing anything other than Libby’s copy of the original Pete’s Dragon that she has been whining about.  How was I to know she was emotionally attached to a VCR tape?

My girls had to learn about big families.  We’ve gone from holiday and family gatherings of 12 (including us) to holiday and family gatherings of 30 or more.  We are so blessed to be a part of a fun loving and close family that welcomed us all with open arms.  Carter and Tay have had to learn about horses and the giant time suck that they are.  But so worth it as any of my horse crazy friends and family will understand.

It has been a challenge to have 4 kids all in the upper grades and all so active in activities.  We love it!  Keeps us on our toes and despite synchronizing our schedules/calendars (really Tim - it’s almost 2017, time to ditch the paper calendar), we still have to daily figure out who is going where and how everyone is getting home.  Taylin, Sophie and Carter are currently full swing in their basketball season.  Sophie and Tay are also balancing the start of a JO volleyball season which will carry through until spring.  Sophie, Taylin and Libby all recently performed at the DE musical, The Wizard of Oz.  Thank you to all the friends and family that attended their performances.   Even though we are in the depths of winter now, we know that spring will be here before we know it.  Spring brings track season, softball season, more riding and horse shows and more. Good thing we love busy.  

Libby got her license this year and Carter completed driver’s training so will be driving soon as well.  Good thing to have more chauffeurs to get everyone to and from where they need to go.  Libby has kept busy working at Graham’s Arena and riding and working with our own horses as well.  She also helps out at the Village Square when she can. Tim continues to milk, ref, coach, teach and I’m pretty sure “save the world” might be one of the tasks on his to do list.  We have a pretty high opinion of him at our house.  I’m still teaching at FC and waitressing at the Village.  I’m also quite sure that “picking up of all random things” is one of my job titles, at work and at home.  

For the horse loving folks, we currently have 4 horses, but we can’t say we have a horse of a different color.  We have a bay (Ace), another bay (China), a bay WITH a blanket (Kuzco) and a palomino (Coupe); all under the age of 4.  We do have a couple breeds represented though.  We have a POA (Pony of America), appaloosa, and 2 quarter horses that will also be registered as a palomino and a pinto.  We hope to be ready to hit the SEMSCA show circuit this May and get to as many shows as possible.  Hopefully with less rainouts, rain delays and general mucky mess.  

Well, I am sure there is more I could say, never been at a loss for words myself, but I had better wrap it up before I bore you all to tears (and run out of room). Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays from our house to yours.  

Tim, Melissa, Libby, Carter, Sophie and Taylin

Laundry

There is no such thing as being caught up on laundry.  Especially when you have a teenager, or three.  But I'm blessed with Libby.  She does all her own laundry.  At least I got it right with one of them.  I don't know where I have failed with the others.  But hey - I'm not taking all the blame for Tay and Carter and there has to be hope yet.

1.  Inside out?  I'd be so happy with inside out.  Why can't the children take their clothes off without balling them into a little wad.  I keep threatening to leave them like that so that they can learn.  When they get their clothes back dirty, moldy and wet, would they learn?  No.  I'd just have more damn laundry to do.  It's not just a random sock here or there.  Every. Single. Pair. Of Jeans.  The other day it was a tshirt and a sweatshirt that were pulled off together.  Of course they were inside out, with the sleeves still balled up inside.  Sigh.

2.  Yep.  And still wadded up with the legs inside each other.  How is this even possible?

3.  Have you ever washed a bouncy ball?  I have.  And I dried it.  Guess what?  Bouncy balls do not pass harmlessly through dryers.  That was an expensive $.25 bouncy ball.

4.  AND of course this.  And it doesn't have to touch a person.  Sometimes we just don't want to put them away so they go straight from the clean clothes to the dirty clothes.  That's fair, right?

Thank goodness Tim helps with the laundry.  Coming home tonight I was wrapping up some odd jobs and went to pull a load out of the dryer.  And it was not only dry, not only taken out of the dryer, not only folded, but put away.  I'm still recovering from the shock.  

But we do have one thing that we don't see quite eye to eye on.  Help me out here.  Sometimes you wear clothes for only a short time so they aren't dirty enough to put in the laundry.  What do you do with these clothes?  I put them back in my closet.  Tim throws them on the floor.  *shudder*  I guess we need a chair.  (Still shuddering)

Winning an argument with a flourish

The other day Tim and I were having one of our “deep” conversations and I asked him if he thinks it is weird that we haven’t had a real argument yet.  We disagree on things but typically it’s kind of ridiculous and we end up laughing about it.

For example:  

Tim has been having muscle cramps so he talks about eating more bananas.  I tell him that’s an old wives tale.  That he needs more water and more potassium, but that bananas aren’t the best source.  He goes to try to prove me wrong and googles it (insert eye roll here) and finds an article that says they are good for preventing muscle cramps.  So of course I have to google him back with several articles. He diplomatically points out that each article says that bananas are a good source of potassium and that they can help prevent cramps. So I clarify, pointing out an article that says, “For a week you would need to stock up with more 10-12 bunches of bananas. You would be competing with Curious George in banana consumption to keep your daily allowance satisfied." Of course he has to come back with how he loves Curious George.  At this point it is game on and the game must be won through humor and sarcasm.  So I hit him with three memes.  

His response is that I’m so funny.  So I hit him with another.

To which he responds something about me being amazing.

Last response was just “hurry home”.  Melissa for the win.

Now… in all seriousness, we are going on 9 months without an actual argument to speak of.  Both Tim and I have talked about it.  We know that at some point we are going to disagree on something that is a big deal and probably going to have words.  I mean, it’s inevitable, right?  

But I have to say, that there is something completely different being in a relationship at our age. A person has learned so much. You learn what is important, and it isn't winning an argument. (For all my teasing earlier.) It isn't all about never challenging your partner either. It's about being able to listen to each other's viewpoint knowing that no matter win or lose, the important thing is that your partner feels that their opinion is valued and considered. And you sure learn to balance what is a big deal and what isn't. And of course it helps that Tim has the patience of a saint.