Valentine's Day *shudder*

Valentine’s Day.  The holiday of red hearts, chocolates and roses.  I know I’ve blogged about my feelings on Valentine’s Day before.  Feel free to click on past this one because I don’t have anything new to say.  Just more thoughts on the same.  Every year seeing the red and pink aisle at Walmart gives me a little shudder down my backbone.

First things first.  I’m going to preface my point by saying I don’t recall ever having a good Valentine’s Day.  There might have been one in there, but the negative memories have overshadowed any positive in my past.  I’ve been dumped, cheated on, alone, not spoken to and forgotten.  That’s just the ones I vividly remember.  Then there were the times when nothing specifically even happened to me, but my daughters were treated like crap and I had to comfort them while they cried.  All for a made up holiday.  So yeah - this whole feeling about Valentine’s Day has it’s roots.

Here’s how I feel about a holiday that is good in it’s basic premise.  According to www.history.com “Each year on February 14th, many people exchange cards, candy, gifts or flowers with their special “valentine.” The day of romance we call Valentine’s Day is named for a Christian martyr and dates back to the 5th century, but has origins in the Roman holiday Lupercalia.”  Well that doesn’t sound so bad...

Not being a professor of Roman history and having no idea what Lupercalia was, I googled that as well.   According to the website for Minnesota Public Radio, “From Feb. 13 to 15, the Romans celebrated the feast of Lupercalia. The men sacrificed a goat and a dog, then whipped women with the hides of the animals they had just slain. The Roman romantics "were drunk. They were naked," says Noel Lenski, a historian at the University of Colorado at Boulder. Young women would actually line up for the men to hit them, Lenski says. They believed this would make them fertile. The brutal fete included a matchmaking lottery, in which young men drew the names of women from a jar. The couple would then be, um, coupled up for the duration of the festival — or longer, if the match was right.

The ancient Romans may also be responsible for the name of our modern day of love. Emperor Claudius II executed two men — both named Valentine — on Feb. 14 of different years in the 3rd century A.D. Their martyrdom was honored by the Catholic Church with the celebration of St. Valentine's Day.”

Well, now isn’t that ….ummm… interesting.  It’s hard to find value in a holiday that, well, has its roots in such a dark and bloody history.  Shakespeare and others apparently helped it evolve into the gushy, romantic, chocolate covered holiday it is today.  But I still have problems with it.  

I’ve talked about my issues with Valentine’s indirectly before.  It goes back to how we treat our loved ones every single day.  If 364 days of the year we are complaining about our significant others, writing jokes about them, saying “our lives are over”, nagging them, giving them the cold shoulder, arguing, cheating, fighting etc.. , then why the heck does a dozen roses or a box of chocolates on Valentine’s Day make it all better?  Why do we only post on Valentine’s Day about how wonderful our SOs are?  “Oh look what I had delivered to my desk, isn’t he amazing?”  Yes, yes he is.  He was also amazing when he made sure your car had gas in it the other day.  Or when he got you that glass of water “since he was up”.  Or when he fed the dog, helped clean up supper, folded the laundry, let you sleep in, asked how your day was, and the million other ways we all tell our loved ones that we love them every single day.  Did you post about how wonderful he was then?  Did you proclaim for all the world to see how thankful you are for him then?  Did you even tell him thank you or that you appreciated his efforts?  That’s Valentine’s Day.  Every single day should be Valentine’s Day.  

I shared a blog a while back that was inspired by the wife of Chris Kyle, the hero of the movie American Sniper.  She reminded us not to write letters for our loved ones to read after we die.  Or even to save the good stuff for the eulogy.  If you have something you want to tell your loved one, tell them today.   Tell them every day.  Tell them multiple times a day.  Don’t wait to remember the good times, relive the happy memories and tell our loved ones how much they mean to us for when they are.  Because after they are gone, after we are gone, it’s too late.  

In conclusion, here’s how I feel about Valentine’s Day.  It shouldn’t be once a year, it should be every single day.  I don’t need a box of chocolates, a dozen roses or jewelry to know my significant other loves me.  He shows me in a million ways every single day.  I try, every day, to do the same for him.  I never want to wait for that one day a year when I feel obligated to make a big show of my love and appreciation.  I want him to feel loved and appreciated every single day.   Some of you are probably thinking, lucky Tim!  He gets out of the big pressure cooker to surprise your significant other with something romantic and heartfelt on Valentine’s Day.  Trust me, he’s busy every single day.