Why journal you ask? I've always been the kind of person that deals with things by writing them down. I can't tell you how often I have written pages of responses to people that I would never actually send. It's a skill I have shared with my students and I hope they learn. Instead of sending that snarky, sassy, or downright nasty text or email, write it down and delete it. Then wait 24 hours and write a more compassionate and relaxed response. It took me a long time to learn that, but here's hoping my kids learn faster than I did. So instead of sending that email or text, I write it out in my journal. Taking the high road is really hard. I feel like the wealth of sarcastic and snide comments that I keep to myself is a huge waste of my dark sense of humor. For example, when someone felt the need to try to point out how we are bad parents because we don't have a paper grocery list in our house my automatic response was "I do have a grocery list, ON MY PHONE. Because you know, it's like 2019 and stuff. It's called "technology"." But did I send that back? No. Because responding to snide and sarcastic comments never ends well when dealing with hostile people. Honestly, only myself - well and maybe my future great grandchildren - will ever see what I've written. It kind of makes me laugh to think of what those future generations may say. They are either going to think I'm incredibly witty (and salty) or one giant....... Hopefully there is enough positive and good stuff that they know I was a good person, most of the time.
As often as I vent about things that make me angry or responses I wish I could send, I write out what is bothering me or worrying me. It might seem to others that by writing it out I am dwelling on the negative. But the truth is that once I write it all out, it is almost like I've given it away. Once it is written; the issues, problems, struggles, etc...I will often reread them and a solution will present itself, or I will realize that I've done everything I can and truly need to just let it go at that point. These entries are also good to read months and years later. I can see how I faced tough times and I can be more thankful for the positive direction my life is moving.
Also included in my journal are keepsakes. It does get quite thick quite fast. I put in treasured cards from loved ones (and even a couple from students that were touching or make me happy.) I have post it notes with little quotes or notes from family. I have printed off blogs or journals that family have written. I have my name tags from parent's night, pictures of cool trail obstacles, and pictures that students have drawn me. Those happy memories take up some space but are totally worth it. I never get tired of leafing through my journals and reading those sweet messages. Those keepsakes make my day when I'm having a tough time.
I use my journals to remember when things happened. Sometimes we are like "when did we get Jinx" or "when was it that so and so was sick". I can't remember what I had for dinner last night so trying to remember what happened a year or two ago is impossible. My journals are practically a living/breathing timeline of events in our family. Not only do I know what was happening. I know how it made me feel (and possibly others as well). Looking back at those memories is always interesting to see the growth or the progress from that point until the current day. More often than not, events that were all consuming at the time are barely a blip on our personal radars months later. It definitely has a way of putting life into perspective.
Journaling makes me happy. I know it isn't for everyone. Journaling is highly personal and private. Some people enjoy online journaling, I prefer a good old notebook with my favorite pen or pencil. I tried online journaling but found I never looked back through them and worse - I feared the website shutting down eventually and losing it all. I mean, who still listens to 8 tracks? Everything technology based disappears down the road. Paper and pencil is forever (or for as long as anyone will care about the thoughts and musings of Melissa). Someday I will have stacks and stacks of notebooks (or my current favorite - the hard cover/lined book), to keep in a treasured spot. I already have a good selection. Maybe someday I should assign someone to dispose of them, but really - after I'm gone, who cares? Maybe reading about how I felt like a failure because I never learned how to make cinnamon rolls or that I cried, a lot, about everything from horses to sad movies to the sweet things my kids said to me, will make their grandma, great grandma or great great grandma seem a little more human. And maybe, someday, it will help my descendants know that they come by that emotional side quite honestly.
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