Today is your wedding day, and I prayed

So I heard from a friend of a friend of a friend that you’re getting married today.  I want to be happy for you.  I want to put my past behind me and move forward with a forgiving heart.  I want to never think about you again.  But I can’t.  So today I prayed.  I prayed about you again as I have prayed so many times in the past.  And I prayed for all of those whose lives has touched yours.


I prayed for a forgiving heart that can forgive you for the years of hurt you heaped on me.
I prayed to forgive you for the cheating.
I prayed to forgive you for making me hate myself.
I prayed to forgive you for the anxiety, the self doubt that is always my companion now.
I prayed to forgive you for making me so scared I still struggle to trust my loving and ever faithful husband.
I prayed for the many women before me, including both your ex wives and the women after me.
 I prayed they have found themselves again and healed.
I prayed for your wife.

I prayed that she keeps the love of herself, her convictions and her happy heart.
I prayed that when you cheat she finds out and has the strength to move past the hurt.
I prayed that you never make her feel weak or insignificant.
I prayed that you never gaslight her and make her feel crazy.
I prayed for her friends and family and that they weren’t torn from her as mine were.
I prayed for her kids and yours- that they would someday have healing and know what a real family/relationship is.
I prayed that you have learned to put others before your own wants and needs.
I prayed that somehow, someway you have beaten the unbeatable personality disorder.
I prayed that you would keep the promises you made when I finally got you out of my life and finally get the professional help you need.
I pray that you stop all the lies and start being honest.
And I pray that when you hurt her, when she finally gets free of you, that she has amazing friends and family like I had to lift her up and pick up the pieces.
And I pray, I pray, and I pray that someday I will be able to move past what you did, what you continue to do and finally remember you without anger in my heart.