1. No matter how tightly you roll the chip bag, it will come unrolled in the cupboard and the chips will go stale. Use a chip clip.
2. Fruity and chocolate pebbles become like concrete once they dry in the sink. Either wash all that crap down or feel free to use the offender's power toothbrush to scrub your sink.
3. Your laundry isn’t going to fold itself. And if you wait to fold the first load until the next load is done or the next or the next, it’s an even bigger project that you will put off even more. Clothes don't stay wrinkle free when you have a mountain of clothes on your couch. Unless you like the "just rolled out of the suitcase" look.
4. Once you have washed your hair and your body and possibly shaved various body parts, there is no need for you to hang out in the shower with the water running. If you want to contemplate the meaning of life, I hear scrubbing floors or cleaning stalls is good for that. Water bills and electric bills increase with the amount of time spent in the shower. Some day being able to buy groceries will be more important than that oh so relaxing hanging out in the shower.
5. If you eat or drink the last of something, tell someone who does the grocery shopping or put it on the list. Otherwise those tacos you made are going to suck when you have to have them on flattened white bread instead of tortillas and cereal tastes like crap with water poured on top.
6. Don’t believe your kids when they say they will take care of the new pet all the time by themselves. You will be feeding it or cleaning up after it. If you don't want the new pet for yourself, don't get the new pet. PS - Guinea pigs are obnoxious, hamsters are nocturnal, fish die a lot, and cats puke everywhere. Get a dog.
7. When your teens scream at you, remember how your mother always told you, "I hope you have a kid just like you some day" and that she did a lot of deep breathing when you screamed at her. Learn about mindful breathing to save your child's life.
8. "Sleeping in" is not noon. That’s "you’re not well" or "there is something wrong". Sleeping in for grown up people with pets and responsibilities is 7:00, maybe 8:00.
9. Speaking of enjoying it while you can, someday that diet of soda and candy and ice cream will catch with you. Learn to love fruits and veggies and kale now.
10. Check the settings on the washer. Washing a load of jeans and sweatshirts on delicate is probably not the most successful thing you have ever done.
11. You may think it’s funny when your parents complain about wasting money on lights left on, food wasted, clothes you never wear, etc... Someday when you’re paying for those things yourself and contemplating if you can make it this week on just one box of macaroni and cheese and a package of hotdogs, you will understand.
12. If your house is spotless no one will stop by. The minute your house is a mess, everyone and their brother will just "swing by" for a visit. Keep your house clean.
13. On the subject of lies from #6... other lies your kids will tell you: I’ll never ask for anything else again, it wasn’t me, I didn’t take it, my sister did it, my homework is done, I would never and I’ll pay you back.
14. Eat the leftovers. Picky eating is for rich people. If you're not rich, eat the leftovers.
15. Pay for personal things with a check. Cash doesn't leave a record. (Learned that lesson the hard way. Too many times.)
16. Always make sure you didn't click reply all and always double check the person you are sending that text to. It's good advice. I may have learned this the hard way also. And I may have had it happen to me. Like the time the ex texted me referring to me as "the diva". Good times. Good times.
Well, I could keep adding to this blog, and maybe I will. But it has already been floating in my queue for long enough. So here you go kids, 16 life advice hacks to get you started. It's a start anyway.
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