Do as I say....

You all know the old saying "do as I say, not as I do"?  I think of that every single day as I scroll through my Facebook.  I think most parents have said it or thought it before.  But wow- maybe we should start setting a better example so that our kids can do what we say AND what we do.  And the best way to do that is to start looking at how we treat others.

I know you’ve taught your kids from a teeny tiny age to;
1. Share
2. Be kind to others
3. Stand up for the little guy
4. Be respectful
5. Don’t fight

But then someone has a difference of opinion than you on social media and all those "rules", those values you’ve been trying to instill in your kids, goes flying right out the window.

Nowhere in that list of things we teach our kids does it say "agree with everything" or "let others tell you what to do".  But if we expect our youngsters to be able to decide who gets to play with the Barbie first without throwing fists, and we want them to play with the kid who ate a white crayon for lunch, then we have to model accepting, caring, KIND behavior ourselves.

We have to watch what we say.  That means no more dumb blond jokes, no more oppressing women jokes, religious jokes or racist jokes.  (My ex used to have a favorite about color TV's that makes me cringe to this day.  Oh and a couple about dating "fat chicks" that were particularly distasteful.)  If our kids here us joking about it, they think it is okay and we need to make it clear that it is NEVER okay.  People don't need to grow "a thicker skin".  We tell our kids that it isn't okay to make fun of others.  We sure wouldn't like it if our child came home and we heard that a classmate said a racist joke about their culture or their gender or their religion.  But then we pick up our keyboards and share a meme or forward on a joke that does exactly that and say "sheesh - can't anyone take a joke?" 

We have to watch what we do.  When we cut in line at the store or the amusement park.  When we complain about all of the people speaking that foreign language we don't understand.  When we turn our back, turn the corner or turn around, our kids are watching us.  They are watching how we react to people that are different than us.  They are watching how we treat those who are struggling.  They watch how we react when we are struggling.  They are always watching.  (And not in the creepy psychothriller way you're thinking.)  Be an example.  All the time.  Remember parenting is a full time job. 

When do the lessons we taught our kiddos end?  Take sharing for example.  When did we stop thinking it was the right thing to do share with those less fortunate than us?  I hear all the time about how people don't want their tax dollars going to those "deadbeats on welfare or food stamps".  But my same friends would gladly give their last $20 to a family in need in their community or a friend who needed grocery money.  I know my friends are kind and caring people, that's why they are my friends.  Why does your circle of giving stop at people you know?  Are there people who abuse the system?  Of course.  But for every person who abuses the system there are 10 families who were in horrific accidents and can't work, who have a terminal illness and can't pay the hospital bills, who are trying to escape abuse, and worse horrors that we can't even imagine.  I can't be everywhere sharing what I have with the less fortunate I know.  For the last 100 years our government has worked hard to help the less fortunate and we have to put trust in the system to identify and help those in need when we can't be there.   As we teach our littles, we need to share and stand up for the little guy. 

We need to be respectful.  I've never told my kids they can't disagree with others.  But there is a right and a wrong way to disagree with someone.  I don't think many of you would argue.  If your five year old came home from kindergarten and told you that he called his classmate a cotton headed ninnymuggin because they like blue and purple is a way better color, you would tell your child that it isn't nice to call people names.  You would tell them that it's okay to have a difference of opinion.  When did we stop telling our kids not to call names and decide it was only okay for "us adults"?  Model the behavior you expect from your child.  Learn to disagree with someone without yelling, throwing insults, calling names or bashing; even when, no -  especially when, you are behind a keyboard.  Keep an open mind, listen and don't be afraid to admit when you're wrong.  All lessons we expect our kids to be working towards. 

The old "do as I say, not as I do" argument just doesn't hold water with me any more.  It's time we remembered that we are parents and what is good enough for the 5 year old is good enough for someone 55 or 505.  I saw a meme the other day that said something along the lines of "I learned everything I needed to know in kindergarten.  Share, Be Kind, Be Respectful, and Boys are Stupid."  Except for that last one, I think that meme nails it on the head.  There is a lot to say for the "rules" for kindergarten being more like life lessons we should be applying in our old age. 

I have friends that are on the complete opposite of the political spectrum of me.  Friends.  Yes, I’ve thought to myself that I sure don’t understand their way of thinking because I KNOW them.  They are good people.  So whenever I get frustrated or annoyed by their posts I do what grownups do.  I click the "unfollow" button, take a little break and remind myself that they are my friends.  Friends who have proved over the years that they are good people who I can trust.  Maybe I don’t always have to get everyone to agree with me.  If I can do it- you can too!