Not funny

What makes something funny?  What makes a joke a joke?  This is one of those things that I struggle to teach students.  Often when someone’s feelings get hurt, the student who caused the hurt will tell me, “I was just kidding.”  And we’ve all teased those that we love and our friends.  But when does it become not funny?  When is it not a joke?  How do you teach young people where to draw that line?  I know many adults who can’t find that line.  Even if it is drawn in black and white.  

Maybe we need to advocate for ourselves?  We need to let people know what is and isn’t funny to us?  That is also something that is really hard to do.  No one wants to be a “wimp” or look like they can’t “take a joke”.  But sometimes, somethings, just aren’t funny.

There are a lot of things I don’t find funny.  Racist jokes.  Not funny.  Jokes about where women belong.  Not funny.  Jokes about dumb blondes.  Not funny.  Jokes about political candidates who have worked their whole lives for the American people.  Not funny.  And my latest group of “not funny” jokes revolve around getting/or being married.  Why would something like this be funny?  

Really?  You need to be saved from getting married?  I’m pretty sure that no one is forcing anyone into marriage in this day and age.  It’s not an arranged marriage is it?  Then don’t walk down the aisle.  Because as a bride to be - I find this highly offensive.  I would not want any man to feel like they are being forced to marry me.  I would not anyone sitting in the crowd to think that my fiance thinks anything less than that they are the luckiest man in the room to be my husband, not someone who needs to be rescued.  

Now those of you that know Tim well, know that he is a bit of an instigator. Yes honey, you are and you know it.   He likes to pull pranks and I’ve been told stories of his antics at his siblings’ weddings.  I’ve warned Tim that if anyone in his group of friends or family thinks this would be funny (or similar such jokes) I can promise to help him.  Be single.  A wedding is not to be made a joke of.  It doesn’t have to be all seriousness either.  But there is a line.  A pretty dark, thick, clear to see line that shouldn’t be crossed.

Here’s another one that used to be one of my ex-husband’s favorite jokes.  Probably should have been a sign, long before my common sense kicked in.

Again. Not funny.  If that is how you feel about marriage in general, or worse - your marriage, get the hell out or get help.  Everyone deserves to be married to their best friend.  Everyone deserves to be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t feel like they are “suffering” but feels like they are blessed, loved and appreciated.  As the saying goes - there are more fish in the sea.  And even if the sea has run dry and you’re alone - being alone is better than “suffering”.  Wow.  Not funny.

Here’s a real laugh.  Maybe I am interpreting this one wrong.  I’ve tried looking at it from different perspectives.  Maybe I just don’t get it?  Maybe I “can’t take a joke”?  But this one rubs me the wrong way as well.  If you’re looking at marriage as being a prison sentence, I’ve got to think you’ve got the wrong attitude.  I cannot wait to be Mrs. Andring.  I can’t wait to be lucky enough to get to spend the rest of my life with my best friend.  It’s not a prison sentence, it’s a gift.  One that I am very thankful for. Not funny.

Lastly is one that we actually have hanging up in our restaurant.  People love this one.  I see people taking a pic of it to share with their friends all the time and laughing, laughing, laughing. Believe me, in some ways I get it.  And I understand that some marriages are like this.  But it makes me sad, it doesn’t make me laugh.  It makes me feel for the people who have lost the love in their relationship.  How does it start out all happy, excitement and hope for a long and happy future and then progress to this?  Who finds it funny that people really feel that their marriage has progressed to this point, that they want out - no, NEED out. I’ve been there.  It isn’t a great feeling.  And definitely not funny.  (And not gonna lie - the grammar error makes me shudder.  *are, all you need are two hearts and a diamond.)

I guess I can’t take a joke.  Or maybe I’m just “sensitive”.  But my life experiences have led me to have a little bit different take on what I find funny and what is making fun of the hurt others find very real.  I guess I’m just not okay with that anymore.