It isn't brand new information or a brand new theme. We've all heard it before. As much as I would like to argue with him, I've seen it happen. I've seen it with friends, but also students and ..... dare I admit this ..... *cough*, I may have thought "he's too nice", myself. But let me explain!!! I have a theory, allow me to elaborate.
I think, in general, most girls want the good guy. They want to be treated well, be respected and have the guy that their parents approve of. I know that personally, I never went looking for a "bad boy". I thought that the guys I dated were good guys, maybe deep down or maybe some of them just didn't show it to everyone else, but they said nice things so they must be good guys? Right? To be fair to me, most of them started out acting like good guys. I admit that it is bizarre how a girl can convince herself that as long as they say sorry and say nice things some of the time, this complete jerk that they are with is really a nice guy "underneath". Looking back at all the rationalization I did for those jerks makes me cringe. Why the heck would anyone put up with that nasty behavior to dig at some good behavior under all the crap? It doesn't make sense. But as I've blogged about in the past, as it happens time and again you start to believe that the "good guys" don't really exist.
So.... then along comes a good guy, right? And he's in trouble from the start. You know why? Because he comes off as the good guy. And that.... well that just seems suspicious. Like, what's he hiding with all this nice guy stuff? And maybe you give him another chance and if he's still nice? Well that's just creepy. That's not how guys are. He must be hiding something. Sound crazy? It probably is. But that's exactly what went through my head with Tim. You probably remember my exact words to Libby, "he's too nice." Lucky for me I have a really smart kid and she told me that I had been with lazy, crazy and mean so maybe it was time to try nice. Did I mention she is smart? Like really smart?
What we seem to have a hard time learning, at least some of us anyway, is that good guys aren't just good guys "underneath". If he truly is a good guy, he's a good guy all the time, even when his drinking buddies are listening. He loves you all the time, even when you're driving him crazy. He's patient and kind. He treats others with respect. He asks you what you want, what you want to do, what your hopes and dreams are. He respects your choices, even when he doesn't agree. He encourages you to have your own likes and supports you in them. If you have to make excuses for your "good guy", if you're embarrassed by him or feel like you don't want others to know what he said or did.... he isn't a good guy.
Here's the deal, all you good guys out there (and my stepson is one of the best), keep on being you. We dumb girls will give you a chance. Eventually. And after all those bad boys have dumped on us, you are going to seem like a dream come true. We will appreciate you more, love you deeper and hold on to you tighter. Worth it.
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